Post # 1
So I know traditionally it’s the Maid/Matron of Honor who plans the bridal shower, right? Or are they “responsible” for the bachelorette party? I hate putting obligation on anyone, which is why I didn’t even want bridesmaids at first. Now, I do have 5 awesome bridesmaids but haven’t really set anyone as Maid/Matron of Honor. My question is, do I need to set someone as Maid/Matron of Honor and let them know I’d like to have a bridal shower? Or leave it up to them? I’m worried that if I don’t, then there just won’t be a shower. And I would really like to have a nice mellow day that female family and friends could get together. Obviously, Great Aunt Tilly won’t be coming to the bachelorette party.
So who do I let know that I’d like to have a bridal shower? Do I have to just set an Maid/Matron of Honor and let her know? My mom is kind of horrible at planning things, so I’m not sure it would work to ask her to plan it. Ugh I hate saying to anyone “Could you please throw me a party?” One of my girls did ask what weekends I am available for the bachelorette party and have I thought about the shower, is she implying she wants to plan it? I didn’t get that feeling from her, but if I made her Maid/Matron of Honor then would she automatically know? Ah!
Post # 4
I think that since this is your wedding, you should do what feels comfortable to you. If you really don’t want to appoint an Maid/Matron of Honor, just go ahead and have a meeting with your bridesmaids and tell them what you plan on doing for your bridal shower and ask them what they would like to do…even have a detailed list of things that each one of them can sign up to do. If they choose not sign up for a task, then go ahead and do it yourself.
If you don’t want to plan it all yourself, then just get all of your bridemaids together and have that as a topic of discussion…I’m sure you have other things that need to be discussed such as the bridesmaids dresses, shoes, and other details of the wedding, and after all of that talk bring up the bridal shower and make it an announcement to all of the maids that you want a bridal shower and ask them who wants to plan the shower.
I am planning my own bridal shower and plan on telling my bridesmaids what I would like them to do. I’m not typcially a control freak, but since this is my only bridal shower… I want what I want and I want to do what I need to do to get what I want 🙂
Post # 5
Bridal showers are thrown for you, not by you. Many people would consider it a terrible breach of etiquette to host a party, the express purpose of which is to get gifts. If you are to have a shower, someone else needs to host it.
If you are close friends with your wedding party, and it comes up in conversation, you can let it be known that you would like to have one. Your Mom could also pass the word along.
@proverbs131: If you haven’t already done this, I urge you to reconsider. No one is entitled to a bridal shower no matter how much we want one. Showers are hosted by someone else in your honor. I would be annoyed if I were a Bridesmaid or Best Man and the bride not only told me that we were hosting a shower, but handed out a list of assignments that comes with associated expenses.
Post # 6
You don’t have to appoint a MoH. Typically the bridesmaids all work together, usually along with a female relative to plan the shower. Maybe you could bring it up with your mom and she could talk to your girls about it?
And I agree with the previous poster, it’s in poor taste to throw your own bridal shower, IMO.
Post # 7
@julies1949: I agree with all of this.
Post # 8
@julies1949: This to both people.
Poor etiquette to ask and plan your own bridal shower. And even worse to tell your BMs and Maid/Matron of Honor what you want and how you want it. That isn’t their role in the wedding.
Post # 9
@julies1949: I completely agree. I would never want to plan my own shower and/or demand my bridesmaids throw it. Regardles of etiquette, it just doesn’t sit right with me.
It has come up with the girl who will most likely be my Maid/Matron of Honor. I guess I just have still a little trouble with the whole concept of “bridesmaid” and their “duties”. They are not my slaves! LOL
I just need to be honest with them and let them know that I would like to have a shower and am willing to help with whatever they need. That seems to be the easiest solution.
Thanks for the advice!
Post # 10
@julies1949: Well, now that I have your feedback, perhaps I should just tell my sister that I want her to coordinate the bridal shower for me. My sister is my bestfriend and Maid/Matron of Honor but she is so busy that she would probably need some help from my other bridesmaids…hopefully they can chip in…I don’t really care about poor etiquette with my sister..but I will still tell her what I want and just let her run free with following my idea
Post # 11
@RiverBride13: Don’t tell them you want a shower like they are expected to pick up the ball. Often a Maid/Matron of Honor and/or the bridesmaids plan a shower; however, this is a nice thing for them to do, not required. If you want a shower get together with your bridesmaids and say “I’d really like a shower, is there any chance you guys would be willing to plan that for me? It doesn’t have to be big, and it shouldn’t be expensive. I’m willing to contribute (time, money, energy etc) I would do it myself but I’ve been told that’s bad ettiquette” and see what happens. If they pick it up they will do so feeling ecstatic that you asked instead of told, if they really can’t/don’t have the time, they will tell you and then you can come up with a different plan (plan it yourself and have one of them send out invites and accept rsvps so it looks like you didn’t for instance). If you plan it yourself you might consider asking for recipes instead of gifts, I’m doing this because my fiance and I make a lot more money than our friends and we wanted a shower for the party not for the swag.
Speaking as someone who is spending some time and energy making sure the Maid/Matron of Honor feels like she’s the queen bee I recommend avoiding that and sticking to all bridesmaids, but that might just be my situation.