(Closed) bridal shower dilemma

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 4
210 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I think that since this is your wedding, you should do what feels comfortable to you. If you really don’t want to appoint an Maid/Matron of Honor, just go ahead and have a meeting with your bridesmaids and tell them what you plan on doing for your bridal shower and ask them what they would like to do…even have a detailed list of things that each one of them can sign up to do. If they choose not sign up for a task, then go ahead and do it yourself.

If you don’t want to plan it all yourself, then just get all of your bridemaids together and have that as a topic of discussion…I’m sure you have other things that need to be discussed such as the bridesmaids dresses, shoes, and other details of the wedding, and after all of that talk bring up the bridal shower and make it an announcement to all of the maids that you want a bridal shower and ask them who wants to plan the shower.

I am planning my own bridal shower and plan on telling my bridesmaids what I would like them to do. I’m not typcially a control freak, but since this is my only bridal shower… I want what I want and I want to do what I need to do to get what I want 🙂

Post # 5
46613 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999


Bridal showers are thrown for you, not by you. Many people would consider it a terrible breach of etiquette to host a party, the express purpose of which is to get gifts. If you are to have a shower, someone else needs to host it.

If you are close friends with your wedding party, and it comes up in conversation, you can let it be known that you would like to have one. Your Mom could also pass the word along.

@proverbs131:  If you haven’t already done this, I urge you to reconsider. No one is entitled to a bridal shower no matter how much we want one. Showers are hosted by someone else in your honor. I would be annoyed if I were a Bridesmaid or Best Man and the bride not only told me that we were hosting a shower, but handed out a list of assignments that comes with associated expenses.


Post # 6
8613 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

You don’t have to appoint a MoH. Typically the bridesmaids all work together, usually along with a female relative to plan the shower. Maybe you could bring it up with your mom and she could talk to your girls about it?

And I agree with the previous poster, it’s in poor taste to throw your own bridal shower, IMO.

Post # 8
7649 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@julies1949: This to both people.

Poor etiquette to ask and plan your own bridal shower. And even worse to tell your BMs and Maid/Matron of Honor what you want and how you want it. That isn’t their role in the wedding.

Post # 10
210 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@julies1949:  Well, now that I have your feedback, perhaps I should just tell  my sister that I want her to coordinate the bridal shower for me. My sister is my bestfriend and Maid/Matron of Honor but she is so busy that she would probably need some help from my other bridesmaids…hopefully they can chip in…I don’t really care about poor etiquette with my sister..but I will still tell her what I want and just let her run free with following my idea

Post # 11
26 posts
  • Wedding: January 2013

@RiverBride13:  Don’t tell them you want a shower like they are expected to pick up the ball.  Often a Maid/Matron of Honor and/or the bridesmaids plan a shower; however, this is a nice thing for them to do, not required.  If you want a shower get together with your bridesmaids and say “I’d really like a shower, is there any chance you guys would be willing to plan that for me? It doesn’t have to be big, and it shouldn’t be expensive.  I’m willing to contribute (time, money, energy etc) I would do it myself but I’ve been told that’s bad ettiquette” and see what happens.  If they pick it up they will do so feeling ecstatic that you asked instead of told, if they really can’t/don’t have the time, they will tell you and then you can come up with a different plan (plan it yourself and have one of them send out invites and accept rsvps so it looks like you didn’t for instance).  If you plan it yourself you might consider asking for recipes instead of gifts, I’m doing this because my fiance and I make a lot more money than our friends and we wanted a shower for the party not for the swag.

Speaking as someone who is spending some time and energy making sure the Maid/Matron of Honor feels like she’s the queen bee I recommend avoiding that and sticking to all bridesmaids, but that might just be my situation.

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