(Closed) Bridal Shower Dilemma

posted 10 years ago in Beehive
Post # 3
601 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

hmm- well you don’t want to upset the G’ma.  would you be open to your g’ma throwing the bridal shower and then maybe your girls throwing you a more girlie fun sort of shindig a little later?  

sticky situation ya got there.  It will all work out though

Post # 4
438 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2008

can’t she just help?  typically its the bridal party that throws it anyway, so maybe she should have discussed this with everyone first?

Post # 5
1061 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

can you have two showers — one for your friends and one for family (assuming that there wouldn’t be guest overlap, of course)? i just know that i wouldn’t want to upset either party, and if both want to throw you a shower, i would let them.

Post # 6
158 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

Have two showers. That’s what a lot of people in my circle of friends do. One for the family and older friends of the family that is usually planned by an aunt or grandmother and then one for the younger people planned by the bridal party. 

Post # 8
388 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

Be strong, NorCalBride.  Weddings & showers have a tendency to cause people to go cuckoo.  Family members use it as an excuse to demonstrate their party throwing skills, that’s why they want to invite all of their friends and forget that the party is about YOU!

Sounds like Gma has earned the rep of steamrolling, just because others have let her doesn’t mean you have to.  Stand firm and tell her that your bridal party is planning the shower, andreiterate that plans need to be communicated early since many are incurring costs to travel to celebrate with you.

Tell her you’d prefer it to be small with just people you know so you have adequate time to spend with everyone.  If Gma invites all of her friends, you’ll be stuck spending time at your shower making non-versation over people you care about. 

I know it’s easier said than done, so practice what you’re going to say and do it as positively as possible.  Good luck!

Post # 9
236 posts
Helper bee

I know that you may feel bad a bout this but I think it is best to have your Maid/Matron of Honor approach your Gma.  As she is the one plannign the party.  You may be surprised at how well your Gma is willing to cooperate if she is asked to help.  Have your Maid/Matron of Honor plan most things out and call heer regarding suggestions and perhaps picking up thing for the shower.  (Maybe she picks up the paperware or the flowers or something like that.)  It also doesn;t hurt to ask her for caterign suggestions or to make the dessserts.

You as the bride should not officially be involved with the planning of your shower.  At worst ask your Future Mother-In-Law to step in and talk to Gma since she has a lot more experience with her.

Post # 10
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

If your Gma’s guest list is mostly different than you MOH’s, I don’t see any problem with two showers.  Even if they are both small.  It sounds like they would be very different parties anyway.

I didn’t think I was having any showers, but am now apparently having three – all small.  One supposedly planned by my cousins but really planned by an aunt who sounds like your Gma (the extended family shower).  We will play traditional shower games and I suppose I will end up with a paper-plate-covered-with-bows hat.  One planned by my girlfriends, which will way more fun and involve a lot of alcohol.  And one at work, and I have no idea what that will be like, except that since we work for the government there will be NO alcohol. 

What I wouldn’t do is put anyone in the position of having to tangle with Gma about the details.  Just let her plan her party with her friends, and if she asks about inviting the younger crowd let her know they are throwing a separate shower and you don’t think they need to be invited to two.  If Gma thinks she owns all shower rights, she will just have to learn that she doesn’t!  Seriously, probably the biggest problem I have with any of my Future In-Laws is with one woman who ALWAYS gets her own way with the rest of FI’s family.  If you don’t establish an appropriate precedent right up front, you will be really sorry later!

Post # 11
7 posts
  • Wedding: November 2008

Hey there,

I can SO RELATE! I just threw a baby shower(in lajolla) for my best friend and had to somehow find a way to coordinate with NASCAR fan and dune buggie racing Mother-In-Law (I hope I painted a good picture on that one) and super cheap country bumpkin mom of best friend. So, here is how I handled it and maybe it will help…

First off you are the guest of honor and not the host and any etiquette faux pas are truly not your problem. Your job is to enjoy this time in your life… OK back to reality… Ask yourself who do you really trust more here to call the shots? In my friends case it was me. She and I practiced a very fun enthusiastic phone call where I let Mom and Mother-In-Law both know that I am really excited to be doing this and I felt really bad but with all my crazy over the top over ambitious enthusiasm I had already planed most of the shower out and oh my gosh I hope you love my ideas! I am just so excited about Susie’s baby (wedding)! Here’s what I planned….. I love it and I just know Suzie will too.


The key to the above is that your Maid/Matron of Honor has told G’ma that these decisions are already made and it is not up to debate. While being non-confrotational, most (and certainly not all) people are much kinder with strangers than their own family 🙂  

Here’s the kicker ready…:

I am so happy we are doing this together because I really need your help with (insert name of thing that G’ma LOVES doing and showing off that she can be proud of) what else do you want to do? Now you tell your Maid/Matron of Honor to back off and if g.ma shows up with a slab of Velveeta with A1 steak sauce smothered all over it Maid/Matron of Honor tells her it is the best most beautiful cheese spread she has ever seen (oh by the way that did turn up at the Luau shower ugh! ). 

But please NorCalBride remember to let go yourself, relax no matter what happens it will be fine even if g’ma steps on everyone toes she’s a g’ma and in a way kinda gets to 🙂

Let them work it out and you just enjoy the ride, this is your wedding all you have to do at these showers is show up and be in love with your groom.  Good luck and I hope this helps (ps go buy the Emily post etiquette book it’s great on these things and sorry for the uper long post! )

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