Post # 1
So I am in one of my very best friend’s weddings this coming summer. We have been friends since we were 6. She has a total of 7 bridesmaids, 4 of which are her sisters. All of them are married so they have the wedding/shower process down! Back in November I still hadn’t heard any word from anyone in the wedding so I reached out to one of her sisters (the maid of honor) to see if we could all get together or get set up on an email to try and throw around some shower dates.
She told me they were currently looking at a particular month and asked me if there were any dates where I knew I would not be available. There were two dates that my fiance and I had booked our pre-cana for, well in advance, so I told her about those dates.
A few months go by and just last week, I get a facebook message from the sister telling me they booked the shower date. Mind you, they didn’t tell any of the non-sister bridesmaids or ask them of their availability. And what do you know, it’s one of the days I have my pre-cana scheduled. I quickly reply, is that date permanent because that was one of the two dates I told you I am unavailable. She replied that’s it. I expressed my feelings being upset since I have been best friends with the bride since first grade, but her sister (who I have known just as long) didn’t seem to care. Basically told me she was done talking about it and it was not up for discussion.
Here’s my dilemna, I can’t tell my friend because A.) I don’t want to stress her out and B.) the shower is a surprise. But I can’t make it as of right now and I think it’s pretty messed up that the situation is the way it is.
What do I do???
Post # 3
@megzzylady: Is it possible to speak with your Priest (or Pastor) about rescheduling your Pre Cana? I’m guessing not because you didn’t mention it, but its a thought.
If not, then is the Pre Cana an all day thing? Would the actual time of the Bridal Shower conflict with the appointment? Or is it a travel issue, where the two things are too far apart to try and do in one day?
Post # 4
It sucks but there isn’t anything you can do. Send a gift (if you like) with a note saying you wished you could have made it. Or take her out for dinner the week after the shower and explain.
It’s hard to coordinate schedules. If you were the only one that couldn’t make it that day, it may have just have to be that way.
Post # 5
That stinks to be bowled over by the sisters. I would try to reschedule your appointment if possible. If not send along a gift and express your regrets.
Post # 6
@megzzylady: That really really stinks thats she is being so inconsiderate. I wouldnt tell the bride because the shower is a surprise. Maybe have a small get together with the non-sister bridesmaids and throw a very mini shower, after the big shower. I am sure your friend will understand your reasons and will be hurt that her sistsers were not considerate of you.
Post # 7
I would be very annoyed as well. I’m sure your friend would LOVE to have you there though her sisters aren’t seeming to want to work with you on it. I would try to reschedule your pre-cana (never heard of that term – had to look it up!). If you can’t, I would tell your friend day of that you already had an obligation you couldn’t reschedule before the party was booked (truth without pointing blame) and that you are very sorry you could not attend.
Post # 8
- Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall
@megzzylady: Well if you’re preoritizing your pre cana over the shower (which no judgment, is fine!) send a gift with another Bridesmaid or Best Man to the shower and let that be that!
Post # 9
@megzzylady: If your parish is anything like mine, you’re pretty much stuck with your pre-cana dates, but if your priest is willing to let you make up a class in another area, you might want to do that. Otherwise, I’d send a gift with a card explaining why you can’t be there. You can’t help it and hopefully she will understand. I mean, she knows her sisters, so I’m guessing she will understand that they got pushy.
Post # 10
This isn’t even anything to be upset about. You send a gift with another one of the BM’s with a note in a card that says something like the following:
DON’T READ THIS OUT LOUD…
You and I have been friends forever and believe me, if I could have been here today, I would, but I was unable to reschedule my pre-cana. Regardless, I know you’re surrounded by a bunch of people who love you as much if not more than I do, so I know you’re in good hands. Let’s do lunch sometime tomorrow (next week, next month, next year) so you can tell me all about it.
Then go do what you have to do. Quite honestly, I can’t blame the sister. It’s impossible to please everyone and you can’t take date requests from everyone and accommodate everybody. If family is going to be there and the majority of BMs are going to be there, then ultimately that’s all she should be concerned with. 1 or 2 out of 8 not being able to make it isn’t a travesty.
Post # 11
@LoggerHead91207: Don’t know how it is where @megzzylady lives, but in Houston, Engaged Encounter/PreCana is an entire weekend (Friday evening to Sunday afternoon) retreat. There is only 1 a month for the entire diocese and they book up MONTHS in advance, plus it’s required to get married in the Catholic Church. My fiance and I had to schedule ours on Valentine’s day weekend because it was the only available spot before our wedding and I booked it 2 months ago.
And @megzzylady, I feel for you. It does stink to have it scheduled without your consent. I have 2 of my sisters in my wedding party and 3 local friends and I kept emphasizing that I’d prefer everyone to be at anything that is organized, so they kept everyone in the loop. I was afraid that my sisters would do all the planning if left without some direction.
Post # 12
@nadnuk: I knew it was required, which is why I didn’t suggest she skip it completely. I was raised Catholic – as was Fiance – but we have no plans to marry in the Church, so I wasn’t aware how quickly they can be booked. That would make a lot more sense for why she can’t reschedule at this point though, so thank you for pointing that out.