Bridal shower etiquette

posted 1 year ago in Etiquette
Post # 16
359 posts
Helper bee

Why did you go to the bachelorette party if you’re not close to the bride? That said, you must bring a gift to a shower. The whole point is to shower the bride with gifts. And if you’re not close, why on earth would you expect the bridal party to change the location of the shower just for you? You sounds pushy and needy AF…

Post # 17
905 posts
Busy bee

This is the possibly the strangest series of questions in one post that I’ve ever seen. Of course you bring a gift!  If you’re going to be cheap about it, you just don’t attend. And the bride is under no obligation to change the location of her party to suit one (not even close) friend’s tastes!!  This is all very strange. I wouldn’t invite you to anything if I were the bride!!

Post # 18
3416 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

alliebear2289 :  yeah expecting a gift at the bachelorette struck me as super weird, unless it was a combined bachelorette and shower, in which case why would they invite the same person to a second shower?? 

But to the actual questions, since OP assures us this is a legit thread: 

1. It is rude to attend a shower and not bring a gift. If you don’t want to bring a gift, decline the invitation.

2. It is extremely rude to bring your own food to a restaurant. If you’re not that close anyways no one is going to miss your presence, so just decline the invitation.

I am curious though how OP is defining “not that close”. You were invited to the bach, a shower and the wedding, and are apparently in the same social group as the bridal party since you were able to ask them about the shower… So how not close is not close?? 

Post # 19
4910 posts
Honey bee

newenglandgal90 :  

It’s a bridal shower (as in shower with gifts) so yes you need to bring a gift.  

It was rude to ask them to change restaurants (what the heck girl?!). I have life threatening food allergies and I wouldn’t even do this. 

If you have life threatening food allergies it is acceptable to bring a snack DISCREETLY in your purse. And even then for myself I eat before food events so I’m not ravenous and don’t bring food if it’s a short event. So like this if it was 2 hours I’d skip a meal and eat before if the food wasn’t safe. Is food allergies why you don’t want to eat? 

But just because it’s not your favorite restaurant absolutely not. That would be so rude. 

If you don’t like the food, aren’t close to the bride,  don’t want to bring a gift don’t go! So strange. 

Post # 20
4910 posts
Honey bee

Side note it was rude of THEM to make a big deal out of no gift. A bachelorette is not an implied gift giving event. So yea they were rude to do that. 

Post # 21
12127 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

The entire purpose of a shower is to “shower” the bride with gifts, so yes, you need to bring one. Showers and children’s birthday parties are among the few occasions a gift is obligatory. Bachelorettes are not gift giving events at all.

Wedding gifts themselves are of course highly customary, and considered mandatory according to contemporary etiquette. Barring true financial hardship, I do not know why anyone would attend a wedding or a shower if they were not moved by the occasion to give a gift. 

Unless you were cohosting the shower you were out of line to object to the restaurant or share any opinion at all. If the food is not to your liking, eat what you can or have something at home or later before you go. You will not die of starvation in two or three hours. Unless you have life threatening allergies or a serious medical condition, no you do not bring your own food. 

Hosts can do their best to accommodate special needs when they are aware of them, but otherwise it’s a private social event and you should behave accordingly. 

Post # 22
2917 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

newenglandgal90 :  I’ve been to bachelorette parties where gifts were given, and when they haven’t been given. I didn’t get gifts for mine nor did I want them. I think it’s rude that they’d make you feel bad about not giving a gift for the bachelorette party.

A bridal shower on the other hand is completely different, the whole point is to give gifts to the bride. If you don’t want to give a gift, politely decline the invitiation. 

If you aren’t close with the bride why would you suggest another restaurant for her shower to be held? That’s super weird, it’s not about your taste and if you’re not close to her why do you think anyone would care about how you feel about the location?

Post # 23
135 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

LOL. Please don’t attend. 

Post # 24
935 posts
Busy bee

For those of you who are surprised about the bachelorette gift, it is common, at least amongst the bachelorette parties I’ve been to, to give a gift to the bride. (It’s usually lingerie of some kind.) Maybe it’s just a cultural/area of the country thing? Nonetheless, nobody gives anybody crap if they don’t bring a gift to the bachelorette.

Anyway, seriously, just don’t go to these events if you are not close to the bride. Do not show up to the shower without a gift. Do you plan on giving a gift for her wedding?

Post # 25
914 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2019 - City, State

Removed for TOS violation.

Post # 26
201 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

Just don’t go.  Are you kidding me – you suggested a different restaurant and now want to bring your own food. 

Post # 27
1754 posts
Buzzing bee

How did you even get an invite to these events in the first place?

Post # 28
6812 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

Just…don’t attend?


Post # 29
1005 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Not sure what the dynamic here is, but the bride is wanting to include you by inviting you to all of these events. Maybe you’re not catching her vibe, but it seems like she is putting the effort to make you feel that you are welcome to attend otherwise exclusive gatherings.

You, on the other hand, are finding fault in the restaurant choice (seriously, find a way to deal with it) and turning your nose up at the idea of bringing a gift to a gift giving event.

Bachelorettes do not imply gift giving unless there is a lingerie shower. To save face, I would bring something small as a way of saying “thank you for including me today!.” Lipsticks, body sprays, thongs, condoms,… small gifts that shouldn’t inconvenience you too much and you’ll come out on top. Stay classy.

Still… I don’t think you need to go. You have a poor attitude and you don’t sound like a good friend for this person. The party will be more fun without you.


Post # 30
5564 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

I don’t just bring my own food, I bring the ingredients and ask the restaurant to cook it for me.

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