Bridal shower etiquette

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 31
1168 posts
Bumble bee

Oh my goodness. Yes of course you need to bring a gift to the shower. That’s literally the point of showers. I can understand why you wouldn’t bring a gift to the bach party because I didn’t know that was a thing, but your response to the bridesmaids was really rude. 

Why on earth would you expect the hostesses of the shower to cater to YOUR tastes? Someone who has made it very clear she’s not close with the bride? Have you ever brought food to a restaurant before? Definitely do not bring your own food.

So to summarize: YES bring gift. NO don’t bring food.

Post # 32
2857 posts
Sugar bee

Moderator stepping in here with a reminder that while we all know trolls exist (usually living under bridges, decorating their nests with leftover wedding favors, and surviving solely on Cool Ranch Doritos) it is against the TOS to call someone a troll or speculate that they are one. We like to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, and debates on if a post / poster is “real” or not will get the thread shut down.

Thanks, Bees.

Post # 33
7808 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

You can decline an invitation to a bridal shower. But you don’t show up at a shower without a gift (unless you are a host) and you do not suggest the host switch the venue to one you prefer. Jeesh. 

If you aren’t that close to the bride why attend the bachelorette? And why consider attending the shower? Frankly, if you aren’t that close why are you even invited to or attending the wedding?

Post # 34
1759 posts
Buzzing bee

If you’re not that close you shouldn’t go. Showing up without a gift is rude AF.

Post # 35
1053 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I’m in awe that anyone invites you anywhere.  If you’ve ever been to a restaurant  then you should already know that you can’t bring your own food.  A shower is a gift giving party so if you do decide to go then you need to bring a gift.  It’s ok to decline though if you don’t feel that you’re that close.  You should also just be quiet about the restaurant not being to your taste. The bride to be is the guest of honor so all  that really matters is if it’s to her taste.  Nobody cares if you like the restaurant or not.  Did you honestly think they would change the location of someone else’s shower because you didn’t like it? You keep saying that you’re not that close to the bride so why would anyone care what you think?

Post # 36
505 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Okay, going to sound like a broken record here with all of the other responses, but based on your updates you do not seem to get it…

1. Gifts are not required for a bach but sometimes included, depending on the bach. For mine, we played a ‘guess who bought the lengerie’ game so each person bought me something. One bridesmaid actually DID opt out of this, as it was my husbands sister and she was uncomfortable buying me lingerie for her brother. They were out of line for calling you out for this one. 

2. If you attend the shower, it is INCREDIBLY rude to not bring a gift. Bring a gift or do not attend.

3. It is even ruder to ask the hosts to change the location because it isn’t to your liking and even worse to bring your own food. If you don’t like the venue or menu, don’t attend. Simple as that.

If you “aren’t that close” I don’t see why you were invited to all 3 events rather than just the wedding, so maybe the bride does actually consider you close? Either way you have two options. Show up to the venue they scheduled without food and with a gift. Or don’t go. 



Post # 37
644 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

1) The bachalotette thing is kinda odd
2) Yes, you should bring a gift to a Bridal Shower.
3) Why did you suggest another resturant? That is RUDE. (particularly if you are not “super close” to the bride, or in the bridal party)
4) Don’t bring your own food to a resturant. That is rude and against health code (at least in the US)
5) You don’t have to go to these activities just because you were invited. 

I went to a destination wedding as a guest of my boyfriend. The bride invited me to her bachalotette and bridal shower. I opted out of the Bridal Shower as I felt that was intimate for her close friends and family, but I did opt in to the Bachalortette. Usually gifts are not required for a Bachalorette unless specified (at least in my circle of peoples) 

Post # 38
7610 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

If you’re not that close, why are you even going? Of course if you go to a gift giving event (which a shower is), you give a gift. Also, I can’t get over how rude it was to suggest a different venue to the hosts. Seriously, why are you even going to any of these events?

Post # 39
2326 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

What happened to the post about your sister getting into Harvard last night and ruining your life?

Post # 40
12 posts
  • Wedding: August 2019

you should give the bride to be a gift since you are invited. a bottle of champagne or something else would be better, doesn’t matter if you’re close or not with her.

Post # 41
717 posts
Busy bee

So you’re not close with the bride, but you felt close enough to somehow suggest a new venue? So rude. 

And I’m sorry but what on earth would make you feel it’s okay to bring your own food to a restaurant? Don’t do that…

At this point you should just decline for the brides sake.

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