(Closed) bridal shower etiquette: absent bride?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
4024 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think its nice she wants to throw you a shower, but really odd since you won’t be there. If it were me, I would tell her thank you, but no thank you!

Post # 4
Member
1559 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Yeah…. that seems pretty weird. Honestly, if I were invited to a bridal shower and the bride wasn’t there, I would feel like it was a gift grab. 

Even though the bride isn’t hosting the party, she’s expected to be there- the guests are there for her

Post # 5
Member
46331 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think it is sweet that they want to throw you a shower. They must all love you.

It’s also a fun social event for them.

I don’t think it is any more of a gift grab than any other shower. The reality is that showers are for people to give gifts to the bride.

I have posted before that I attended a shower for a bride who couldn’t make it back to her home town for the shower. The guests brought their gift and gift wrap, the bride’s mother “opened” the gifts and passed them around. Then the guests all had a wrapping party. All gifts were beautifully wrapped and shipped off to the bride.

I have also attended a shower where the the bride’s mom opened the wrapped gifts and the bride skyped into the shower.

Post # 6
Member
1501 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think that is kind of strange, but I like the idea of using skype. These people love you, so even though you can be there personally, you could still join in the fun!

Post # 7
Member
1403 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I have to say I’m in the “bride should be there” camp.  The person hosting the shower always coordinates the date with the bride ahead of time to make sure she’ll be able to make it.  That’s just the way it works.  Even with surprise showers, someone is in charge of making sure the bride is there for the party.

If you don’t feel comfortable with it, you should definitely bring it up with the hostess.  I’m sure she didn’t mean anything bad by it.  Perhaps you can say you really want to be there and would like to renegotiate a date that you’ll be free.

Post # 8
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

I would feel uncomfortable with this. If they are all fine with it though, I gues I’d let it happen.. like PP’s said, it’s more like a social event for them. Can you skype in for part of it to thank them?

Post # 9
Member
1403 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I like the idea of skyping in if you can’t make it!

Post # 10
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

What about having a party back home after the wedding.

I would think it was really odd to have a party like that without the bride there.

Post # 11
Member
334 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Wow, a bridal shower via Skype. On the one hand, yes, the bride not being there is awkward, but the basic plan of the party does not change with the attendance/absence of the bride. 

I’m abroad and have only little time to spend with my Fiance in the upcoming months- so I’m not sure whether a shower will or will not happen. I am almost thinking it might not happen… and I think I can be cool with that.

Post # 12
Member
285 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I feel like this is kind of like throwing a birthday part for someone when she can’t actually attend the party. I mean, would anyone really think to do something like this? So why would you throw a bridal shower for the bride if the bride can’t even come? Sure it’s a party, and people can still have a great time without the guest of honor there. But it kind of doesn’t make too much sense to me, and as a guest, I would find it very odd. I think that extreme circumstances (like the bride being abroad) would be more understandable, and using skype so that the bride could be a presence at the party would be a really happy medium. 

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