(Closed) Bridal shower etiquette for family I’ve never met

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
127 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Hmm, that is tough. I understand where you are coming from though. I helped plan a shower for my friend last year, and she wanted to keep it small…but it just kept growing! There were definitely some that she hadn’t met too. 

I guess, if you or whoever is throwing the shower can afford it–just invite them. Maybe, since they don’t know you either, they will not come anyway…If it’s out of the question, I would say you just aren’t able to accomodate for that many extra people. 

Good luck…it is a tough situation when it’s not your family. You don’t want to ruffle too many feathers. It may be worth it to just do what your Future Mother-In-Law wants in this case.

Post # 4
Member
768 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

To be honest, I’d probably just let her add them to avoid causing problems. My Future Mother-In-Law is having a seperate shower for me (as they live ~4 hours from my other shower) and I have let her have complete control of the guest list. She’s footing the majority of the bill (along with one bridesmaid who lives 5 minutes from her) so I figure she can invite who she wants. Will there be people on there I don’t know. Probably. I figure I’ll just be friendly and remind myself that they aren’t there for me but for my Fiance.

Post # 5
Member
715 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Personally, I wasn’t expecting to get any say into the guest list for my shower.   My mom is aware of the friends who I’d want there and she and Future Mother-In-Law can provide their lists as well.  It’s the ladies who are hosting it who can decide how many people they can accommodate.

I’m fully expecting that there will be people I don’t know at my shower because they’re family of Fiance who they don’t see often.  I figure I can be sweet and personable for a few hours because I know it will make Fiance and Future Mother-In-Law happy.

Post # 6
Member
13015 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

If they’re invited to the wedding, I’d invite them to the shower, just be be polite.  You don’t want to cause any rifts.  But I’d tell your Future Mother-In-Law that your bridal party handled the invitations and pass on your MOHs contact number. 

Post # 7
Member
972 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I would say just invite them to the shower. You can always have a smaller little party with just you and your close friends at another time, you probably will get together the night before the wedding anyway. You don’t want to risk offend before youve even met the people.

Post # 8
Member
1271 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I wouldn’t want people I don’t know at my shower, unless there was a reasonable explanation for me not yet knowing them (e.g. relatives from out of state).  Your Mother-In-Law is being unreasonable demanding the right to invite guests to an event that she is not the hostess of.

Post # 9
Member
2086 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012 - Pippin Hill Farm & Vineyards

Many mothers-in-law use the shower as a way to introduce the bride to the women on the groom’s side of the family.  It’s common for the Future Mother-In-Law to host her own shower for that purpose, but if you are only having one shower and the hosts are okay with it, I don’t see the problem.

Post # 10
Member
7173 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I think it would be nice to have them attend.  Your Future Mother-In-Law obviously thinks they are important and this could be a perfect way to show you off 🙂  

Is the reason you are opposed to it because you don’t know them and you don’t want to meet new people at the shower?  Or, did you have some other vision for what you wanted your shower to be, etc?

Post # 11
Member
287 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I would say invite them.  Assuming they are coming to the wedding, it is better to have recently seen them just before. 

I on the other hand have a Future Mother-In-Law who is definitely inviting people to the shower scheduled this weekend that are NOT invited to the wedding. I asked her not to, but she did the guestlist. I let her invite all of the people she wanted to the wedding when we were doing the guestlist. I feel kinda bad and I am awkward enough without being in this sort of situation! But fact is I only have 2 invites left, woops under ordered, and I did give her a list of her people that were invited, so I feel like it is her faux pas, Sorry!

Post # 12
Member
46421 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

If they are invited and if they come, I have a tip for you. I was in that situation at a large shower that my FI’s church threw for me. I didn’t know anyone. I made sure that his sister sat next to me so she could whisper ” the lady with the grey hair and blue dress on the sofa” so I could turn to face her and say “Thanks so much Mrs Jones- it’s just lovely”, as if I recognized her. I had been to his church a few times but certainly would never have recognized all of them.

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