- 2 years ago
- Wedding: May 2019
So my Maid/Matron of Honor has just informed me that the bridal shower she will be throwing me at a specialty tea shop will be Bridesmaids only. She originally said it was because the tea shop is very small and so we would be limited on available guests we could invite,. However when I pointed out that it would only be a additional 4 or 5 guests she said its customary for the bridal shower to be with the bridal party only and yet my fiances Best friend (Best Women )and his sister (who most likely will be standing up for him) are not to be included. She is being quite firm on the guest list and has informed me that she will not be inviting anyone but my bridesmaids. I told her I think we should include others and she told me she is the Maid/Matron of Honor and so she decides who is coming to my shower. She told me that this is how it is traditionally done and that as the Maid/Matron of Honor it’s her duty to host a bridesmaid only shower. That if his family wanted to be included that they would have to host a family only shower. (My sister had a family only one when she was married as well).
Um is this right? Am I entering bridezilla territory here for thinking as the bride I would choose the guest list to MY bridal shower? Also is it really traditional for there to be so many different showers. It seems a bit silly to be honest.
My family has already told me they can’t attend any of my pre wedding celebrations so the extra people I wanted to invite would be my fiances family and a few female wedding guests.
When I brought this up she said she wont budge on the guest list and she isnt Inviting non bridesmaids there is a small chance my fiances best women might be coming up and she says even she wont be invited because she is not a bridesmaid.
She seems to think the bridal shower is some kind of bridesmaid bonding experience. I dont mind doing a bridesmaid only thing but not as my bridal shower.
She also hates my fiances sister and mother. I admit they are very diffutlt (and I can totally see where she is coming from as they sometimes can be horrible to me) but not inviting them will cause me so much drama.
My fiance says to tell her she is no longer hosting my shower and instead is doing some kind of bridesmaid only event but not to call it a shower I agree with him but this will cause further drama.
Another friend is going throw me a bachelorette party and let me control the guest list and my Maid/Matron of Honor says she Is ok with that but she probably wont attend cause of the shower she Is hosting. I could tell she was a bit annoyed by the idea and to be honest iam feeling a bit wary of having another event as I dont want to seem like a bridezilla but I feel like she is forcing my hand.
So I am going have these two events so now I need your help with the etiquette surrounding having multiple events. When my sister got married she has 3 bridal showers and as a guest I was super annoyed I had to go to all these events and bring presents to all of them(the invites stressed gifts) and I vowed not to be that bride,the one with multiple showers. I have since learned like me my sister was forced into multiple showers by her friends and family. She told me to just go along with it and have fun.
I dont expect gifts and only want to celebrate drama free with everyone so I plan to take my sisters advice.
My question is when do I host the 2nd party? Would I have this bridesmaid tea and then later that same weekend have the actual shower/bachelorette or would I have to do them on two separate weekends? I dont want to step on any toes and not sure what the etiquette Is for having two parties?
I also not sure how to address the questions if people(fiances family) mention the absence of some of my bridesmaids as I am going to make both parties optional as I dont want them to be annoyed with me for forcing them to attend both events.
Also since my original idea for a shower was a bridal tea party what would I do for a bachelorette?? I do not drink and don’t want to go bar hopping and it would have to be some what tasteful since my fiances family would he invited.
Any and all suggestions are welcome.