(Closed) Bridal shower etiquette questions. HELP ME PLEASE!

posted 7 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

She’s not suppose to pay.  I however am not an etiquette junky by any means.  I would give her a limit of free guests. For instance, “we have budgeted for you to have 10 guests” and then let her offer to help pay. I will say that if they are family members of your Fiance then they should be invited anyway at no cost.

Post # 4
994 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Showers are supposed to be for the women invited to the wedding if thrown (as is traditional) by your MOHs and BMs. So, if Future Mother-In-Law is adding women who are going to the wedding, she is doing the right thing and is not out of line.

Other showers (ie thrown by coworkers or other friends who are not invited to the wedding) are another thing and there is no right/wrong as to who is invited.

Traditionally, moms and Future Mother-In-Law are not supposed to pay, though some do offer to help financially. (It was thought that having moms pay meant that the family was asking for gifts for their daughter/in-law, a similar no-no like not putting the registry on the invite).



Post # 5
232 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

my understanding is that the costs of the shower are usually split among the BMs.  I don’t know how that impacts your situation with your Future Mother-In-Law, but that’s how I expect my shower to be financed. 

I also think one of the PPs offered good advice in saying that you could/should tell your Future Mother-In-Law that she has x number of invites to do whatever she wants with, and then beyond that is out of her pocket, depending on the specifics of your situation.

Post # 6
1664 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Whoever is hosting the shower pays.

If it is not in the hosts’ budget to invite these 25 extra people, I think they should just tell your Mother-In-Law.  She’ll have to either say she understands, or offer to chip in.

Post # 7
4137 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

whoever is hosting the shower should pay. if your moh and maoh (what is that?) are putting together the shower, they should chip in, probably along with the rest of your bms.

fmil only has to pay if she decides to throw you another shower.

Post # 8
5762 posts
Bee Keeper

As the MOB I offered to cover much of the shower expenses due to small BP’s. I felt it was unfair to them to have them pay for everything as there were only 2 of them. In one instance, I paid for almost all of it (only had the Maid/Matron of Honor give me some money towards it), and in the other we (FMIL & I, Maid/Matron of Honor & BM) split it 4 ways.

We invited the guests based on their closeness to the brides as well as family members, so not everyone invited to the wedding was invited to the shower. I’d say if your Mom is offering to split the expense and Future Mother-In-Law hasn’t said anything, that’s just the way it is. The hosts are the ones who should be paying for it, and the fact that your Mom has offered financial help shouldn’t change that.

Post # 11
5762 posts
Bee Keeper

Sure…have your Fiance ask his Mom if she plans on helping out costwise since she isn’t giving you a combined shower anymore. I wouldn’t be involved in it if I were you, but HE certainly can, as it’s his Mom!

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