(Closed) Bridal Shower Ettiquette Poll : Inviting people that are not invited to wedding?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Would you invite people to your shower that are not invited to the wedding?
    Yes, I would invite people to the shower only. : (2 votes)
    2 %
    No, the only people coming to the shower are those invited to the wedding. : (95 votes)
    98 %
  • Post # 3
    9053 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I agree with you.  Only people who are invited to the wedding should be invited to a gift giving party.  I’d want a shower to be only those closest to me, so even smaller than the wedding guest list.

    Post # 4
    8695 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2013

    No way

    Post # 5
    8576 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2014

    Only people invited to the wedding.

    Post # 7
    1814 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013 - Pavilion overlooking golf course scenery, reception at banquet hall

    Only if they specifically ask to come to the shower, IMO. When my mom passed away, her group of friends all tried to help me out and asked if they could throw me a shower but since we were already planning one I just invited them to the pre-planned shower. Even though there is not room on the guest list for them to attend the actual wedding, I think they understand. But my circumstances are quite specific.

    Post # 8
    9053 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2010

    @misshydra:  that’s exactly how it comes off… that you want everybody you know to come to the event that’s low/no cost to you to host and they’re expected to bring a gift… but want to skimp on actually inviting them to the event you’re hosting yourself.

    Post # 9
    1252 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    ionly I would never ever invite people to the shower but not to the wedding! Too awkward! 

    Post # 10
    9952 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    Etiquette Snob here… lol

    Ok the generally accepted rule of thumb here is ONLY people who are invited to the Wedding get an invite to a Shower

    BUT there are exceptions… and they usually have specific elements to them

    * Work colleagues can throw a Shower (ie Bridal or Baby) for a member of their staff / group…

    * A Bride who belongs to a social or volunteer group… might have a Shower thrown by someone in the group… (Sports Team / Club – Volunteer Organization – Church Choir etc)

    * Church Ladies… this is very common in small towns, where the Bride & her family have been attending a church their whole lives.

    * Neighbours… another small town tradition… the neighbourhood ladies get together, and throw a shower for the “gal” who grew up down the street

    These would generally all be seperate events… so if your Mom is thinking that someone throw a shower and invite a mixture of folks who aren’t invited to the wedding… such as some of her Neighbours… your Grade 4 Teacher… and a few of your Fellow Brownie Leaders (that you volunteer with on Tuesdays) … along with those who are Guests to the Wedding… well quite frankly she’d be WRONG from an Etiquette stand-point.

    Hope this helps,


    Post # 11
    46677 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @This Time Round:  ditto! There are always exceptions to every rule.

    Post # 12
    2715 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    @This Time Round:  <– This exactly.

    You are in the right OP.  9 times out of 10 the only people invited to the shower should be those invited to the wedding.  If you invite someone only to the shower it basically tells that person that they are good enough to get you a gift but not good enough to be invited to the actual wedding.  It’s very gift grabby and rude.

    As ThisTime pointed out though, there are exceptions: church, work, or social group showers are ok.  However, those are thrown by someone in the group and is only for people in the group.

    Post # 13
    3267 posts
    Sugar bee

    @misshydra:  Your mother is incorrect.

    Who is made to feel better about not being invited to a wedding, by being invited a party at which it is required to give a gift? 

    A luncheon or something else, fine.  But not a shower.  No one should be invited to pre-wedding events that aren’t invited to the wedding.

    Doing otherwise, says to guests, you aren’t close enough to come to the wedding, but you are close enough to buy me crap.

    Post # 14
    1177 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @andielovesj:  Exactly.

    OP, your mom could not be more wrong. 

    Post # 15
    129 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    @misshydra:  FWIW, one of my coworkers is throwing a casual work party/shower (not calling it a shower) and they aren’t all invited to the wedding. Many of my friends have had similar events pre-wedding and I’ve never seen hard feelings come of it. I would definitely not invite those people to the friends/family shower that my family is throwing.

    Post # 16
    2095 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I don’t agree with your mom’s exact reasoning but we are having a really small, private destination wedding and I will be inviting people to the showers that are not going to be invited to the wedding, with wording in both invites that I’m having a Destination Wedding. I read from ettiquette experts this is fine so long as you let them know in advance so they can choose to come or not with full knowledge they aren’t wedding guests.

     We are also looking at having a small party when we come back but we aren’t 100% yet. We are hoping because I would really love to celebrate with people we couldn’t invite.




    Are you having a DW? If not, then no. Leave them off like you are telling yourself.


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