Bridal shower flaky friends

posted 2 years ago in Parties
Post # 18
Member
13782 posts
Honey Beekeeper

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classicbridalbliss :  It’s grossly rude to no show. It’s not at all rude to ask what happened and say you missed them at the shower out of concern. 

And while it generally is considered rude to invite someone to a shower who is not also invited to the wedding, if it is part of a larger pattern of flaky or inconsiderate behavior, that no show might have been your last straw. Only you can make that judgment.  Also keep in mind you never know what could be going on with someone. Just know that not following through with an invitation is likely going to be a friendship ending move. 

Obviously the fiance of your FI’s best friend gets an obligatory invitation regardless. 

Post # 19
Member
7235 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

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classicbridalbliss :  No one cares about your stuff as much as you do. It’s better to celebrate what did happen and who did show up rather than analyzing who did not and why. For whatever reason, you weren’t their priority that day. You don’t need the details. It’s great that you had a beautiful day anyway.

Also- it’s great that you track birthdays and other special events for others but that can get overwhelming and it’s easy to reach a place (without realizing it) of feeling as though since you put this time and effort forth, others should as well and then feel resentful when you see how many do not. As zoraneale said, it’s better to just focus your energies and efforts on those where you get reciprocal effort in return.

Post # 20
Member
771 posts
Busy bee

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classicbridalbliss :  your last update gives me the impression that you may have low self esteem? Or that others dont care about you? I could seriously be wrong (sorry if I am). Is this a repetitive thing with these same individuals? Mind if I ask how many ppl did show up and friends you can count on in life?

Post # 21
Member
1356 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2021

I don’t really get the bee sometimes, if you say you’re attending an event then don’t show up and don’t even give an excuse or apology that is rude AF. Someone isn’t being unreasonable or too sensitive to be upset or annoyed by this. I can only assume people do this kind of thing themselves based on some of the replies? 

OP if someone did this to me I would definitely reconsider inviting them to the wedding, I think etiquette goes out of the window somewhat when someone is rude and inconsiderate towards you. I wouldn’t potentially waste an invite on someone who can’t even be bothered to apologise or offer an excuse for not turning up to your shower, as there’s a good chance they will do the same at your wedding. 

Post # 23
Member
501 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

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classicbridalbliss :  This is a big problem. Tons of people nowadays cannot commit to things. It’s like they don’t want to RSVP because something “better” might come up. It’s even a problem with children’s birthday parties, I just read an article about how parents don’t feel like taking their kids to b-day parties and sad it is for children when hardly any of their classmates show up to their birthday parties. Personally I feel like its immature, and rude to do this and I stop talking to people when they do this too many times. 

Post # 24
Member
13782 posts
Honey Beekeeper

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ariesscientist :  You’re right. No showing is bad, but unless there is an emergency, not calling with an apology is worse. Etiquette works both ways. If someone is sorry that they screwed up on the date, for example, that’s not necessarily a big deal. People can make mistakes. But who needs a friend who shows no concern or consideration?  

Post # 26
Member
2563 posts
Sugar bee

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classicbridalbliss :  sh*t comes up

I am guilty of getting an ivitation and thinking “oh cool, im going” and then it stays on the counter or (if im smart enough ) on the fridge. 

And then i forget the date and have to go back and find it and check. and it sometimes just takes a while to figure out that im not actually free that day. I usually respond yes or no – It is rude to just not go and not respond, but life happens. 

Also, maybe this is me being a bad friend but if we arent super close, then i would probably decline if no one else i knew was going. So if you fiance’s friends fiance didnt know anyone else, i can see how she would decline. But thats me and my anxiety and i usually send a nice gift if thats the case lol. 

Post # 27
Member
33 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2019 - Queens, NY

to be honest, the event is over so you don’t need to care about the flaky people anymore. if they are still coming to your wedding great, if not then you saved money. I have a few people who I was shocked would miss my bridal shower but you know what, I only want people who want to be there to be there, if you know what I mean? Why waste money or thoughts on people who can’t even show up to a once in a life time event? Obviously they don’t care enough so why should you care? It hurts yes, but hey shows who they really are. 

Post # 28
Member
13782 posts
Honey Beekeeper

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swtapple :  It’s not so great if they no show a wedding, too. OP has every right to be concerned. 

Post # 29
Member
7268 posts
Busy Beekeeper

It’s rude for sure and I’d be annoyed too. But unless these people have a history of letting you down and flaking out on you, I’d probably try to move past it and not hold a grudge.

Post # 30
Member
7268 posts
Busy Beekeeper

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ariesscientist :  I don’t really get the bee sometimes, if you say you’re attending an event then don’t show up and don’t even give an excuse or apology that is rude AF. 

Agreed, the bee is inconsistent as fuck about this type of thing. Gotta love it. 

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