Bridal shower flaky friends

posted 2 years ago in Parties
Post # 31
Member
781 posts
Busy bee

Flakiness and a general unwillingness to honor commitments seems to be a major epidemic these days. Extraordinarily rude, in my opinion. I’d be re-thinking my friendship/relationship with these folks— particularly if this is a pattern. Don’t give them any more of your brain space. 

Post # 32
Member
768 posts
Busy bee

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classicbridalbliss :  i have certain “friends” that have these same characteristics of no showing/say their coming and dont/falky/non responsive to invites and the majority of them I have faded out of my life. I no longer make time for these ppl.

Unless this is a continuing thing with these same ppl I think you need to be more flexible, ppl have stuff going on. 

Post # 33
Member
476 posts
Helper bee

I am among the minority on this, but I honestly don’t see the big deal. 

Yeah, it’s rude to RSVP “Yes” and then be a on-call, no-show, but stuff happens. Ask your friends what happened and let them give you an obligatory apology and then let it go.

I think wedding stuff is too overblown nowadays anyway. Like an engagement party, a bridal shower, a bachelorette party, a wedding ceremony, and a reception is a lot, usually within months of each other. 

I’d be a little more forgiving if it were me.

Post # 34
Member
5791 posts
Bee Keeper

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mrsbarack :  It’s not so difficult to simply show up to a place you’ve said you’ll be. And it’s not that hard to RSVP no. If they’ve already gotten save the date cards, you should invite them to the wedding, but if you get a yes response I’d go a bit further. I’d clarify with them over the phone whether they’re going to pull a no show again. I’d remind them if they have better things to do or just dont feel like attending it would be better to RSVP no.

A person who didn’t RSVP to the shower is likely to do the same at the wedding. So send an invite but dont speak to them again if they don’t respond.

This is just sad with the kids parties. A lot of people these days don’t want to do things if they can’t do it online. In other words, they’d rather not expend any effort for something to benefit someone else. That there might be a better thing to do that day is a mindset that plays right into that.

Post # 35
Member
768 posts
Busy bee

I just wanted to come back and say it’s not right to confirm an invite and no show. That is extremely rude, however if this is something that individual never does than I would try to give the benefit of the doubt (you seriously dont know what someone is going through. Ex- a loved one just died, child is in the hospital, etc).

I am also that friend, op, that writes *everything* on the calendar. Bday parties, showers, weddings, graduarion celebrations, etc I have taught myself that I do this because I want to and it makes me happy, but I know it still crushes our spirits sometimes. I will give you advice that I wish my mother would have taught me at a young age “never stay in any relationship to where you feel vulnerable”.  I believe as humans we should feel equal, so be wary of any relationships where you feel anxious, vulnerable, and you feel less than. 

I have a close friend, who even does this stuff. Idk how many times I had to remind her of a special event I had going on 1.5yrs ago. She ended up forgetting *again* and picked up hours at work (she prioritizes work over everything). She did end up showing up in the middle of group pics. 

All experiences in my life have taught me to cherish myself more and not continue to feel vulnerable and less than others (including friendships). I have since been open to making new friends and been cautious who I call a friend.

How many others in life do you feel like you *can* depend on bee?

Post # 36
Member
2902 posts
Sugar bee

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classicbridalbliss :  I had a coworker that I was pretty close to, and then once I met my husband, we started to drift a bit. We still hung it at work, but not outside of work because she only liked to bar hop and get wasted on the weekends, and I stopped drinking. I still considered her a friend, and she was invited to both my bachelorette party and my wedding. She said she was going to attend both, and she attended neither. After the bachelorette party, I pretty much assumed she wouldn’t actually attend my wedding, even though she RSVPd yes. I didn’t let that phase me though. If she could have come, I would have been happy, and I still enjoyed my day and was happy, even though she didn’t come. It actually worked out because we had a guest bring a random plus one and some other people family members invited by word of mouth that I found out about that week. 

If you sent these people a save the date, it would be rude not to send them an invite. Go by their RSVP for your wedding, and if they RSVP yes and don’t show, then distance yourself. 

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