Bridal Shower for a 2nd time bride?? Will this anger the etiquette gods?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1267 posts
Bumble bee

Why wouldn’t you have one? Everywhere I’ve looked basically gives this as a definition of why you throw a bridal shower:

The main purpose of a bridal shower is to bless the couple with items they need to begin their new life together as husband and wife

I can’t see how that could be twisted to mean ‘only once for each part of the couple’.  I mean, if Jane married Joe 10 years ago and is now marring Paul does that mean Paul gets to go over to Joe’s house and root through all of the stuff he retained from Joe and Janes bridal shower 10 years ago? Lol – makes no sense at all.  I mean, how would the bridal shower for Jane to a different man 10 years ago help bless the new couple to begin their life together as husband and wife? 

I can’t think of one friend of loved one that would think someone undeserving of a shower if she were getting married – regardless of anything 🙂

Post # 6
Member
7300 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

Screw that! Have a shower! Throw it yourself if you want to! 

Post # 7
Member
6351 posts
Bee Keeper

@Miss Tattoo: Um, isn’t that your job as her friend?

This is my first and his second. My mother informed me I should not have a shower, bachelorette party or any of that stuff. She calls our 100 person wedding embarassing.

Post # 8
Member
3316 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

You wouldn’t throw a shower for yourself anyway.  But if a friend offers to do it, you can accept.  And just leave those difficult “older relatives” off the invitation list.

I couldn’t answer your survey, only because my response would have been that I didn’t want a shower for the first wedding, and didn’t want one for the second wedding, either.

Post # 9
Member
1697 posts
Bumble bee

Do your girlfriends want to throw you a shower? If they want to, they should go ahead. There aren’t any etiquette police to stop them; and they aren’t putting anyone out, except themselves. Second wedding or not is irrelevant.

Does your mom (or her friends) not want to have to go to a shower for you? Then they shouldn’t be invited. No-one (second wedding or not!) should be put in a position where they are obligated to give a gift they don’t want to give. Whoever hosts a shower should be alert to signs that a potential guest is less-than-eager to participate, and simply not invite those persons.

Post # 10
Member
14495 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I think you should have one if you want one.  The idea of a shower is to shower the couple with the things they need to start their lives.  You are still combining and starting as a couple.  I have lived with FH for three years and we still don’t have nice matching towels most couples still “need” those things that make your house a home, or maybe you would like to have an intimates shower (better if the older folk don’t want to come).  I have been to several showers for 2nd marriages, but in the older folks days second marriages were still really a taboo subject, so I wouldn’t worry about it to much.

Post # 11
Member
714 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@dunlapsangel:  I think it really depends.  If you had a shower the first time around and already have all the household things you need and are thinking of inviting the same people – I think a shower would be in very poor taste and that you’re really testing the generosity of your friends and family. 

If, however, you didn’t have a shower the first time and are not inviting the same people – eh, I don’t think its too awful.  However, I will add one important caveat – I absolutely loathe it when people pull the – “oh, we have everything we need but we’re having a shower anyway so please just give us cash or a honeymoon or other luxuries!”  THAT is in incredibly poor taste and just plain greedy.  

Post # 14
Member
572 posts
Busy bee

I’m having a shower…for my THIRD marriage. LOL There are no rules!!! As my Fiance says, we are marrying each other for the first time. My Maid/Matron of Honor is dying to throw me one and although I told her that she did not have to, I am going to enjoy every moment. We even registered.
Ironically, we both are pretty much starting over and we could use some things. I’m actually hoping for a kick ass toaster. LOL
Enjoy!!

Post # 15
Member
1056 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Have one or two or three…LOL!!! 

Post # 16
Member
7300 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m throwing my own shower. ^_^

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