Post # 1
So my daughter and I were invited to a bridal shower. No registry was listed on the invitations. I go to the website and under registry there’s a poem about going on a vacation and having all the pots and pans they need. I contacted the person running the shower and she confirmed they only want donations toward their honeymoon. Now I know I’m old and so it strikes me as tacky af, but even my daughter rolled her eyes at this. What are they going to do at the shower? Open envelopes and announce the denominations? I thought a shower was about showering the bride with gifts. If you want to be showered in money, I suggest a career as a stripper.
So this is a first for me. What do you all think? Are my daughter and I way out of touch? We always give money at a wedding. The odd thing is that they gave something off registry for my daughter’s wedding, not that we cared at all, but it seems strange for a family that’s so obviously into cash.
Post # 2
- Wedding: March 2020 - City, State
For a shower, I agree this is tacky—and I’m 26, and pretty open-minded. You’re right, there’s no good way to handle this situation at the event unless they don’t plan on opening gifts at the event, in which case it isn’t a shower.
If you don’t need/want any physical gifts, you don’t have a shower.
How close are you to the bride? I would just decline unless it was one of my closest friends, in which case I would politely inform them that this does not present well and does not leave invitees feeling very good at all. Or just attend and gift a regular shower gift: a nice vase or throw blanket, or a toaster if you’re feeling passive aggressive.
Post # 3
I would decline a shower invite like that. Sorry not sorry.
Post # 4
Ok, glad I’m not that clueless. The shower is in another state and we might have gone but this business put the nail in the coffin so to speak. It’s going to be hard to keep my mouth shut around her parents.
Post # 5
I would skip that shower and just send a card (no money) and then give my normal gift for the wedding.
Post # 6
Yeah, it is rude to have a shower when you’re only getting cash.
I would decide that invite so fast.
Post # 7
- Wedding: August 2018 - Location
Ugh soooo tacky. Why is she even having a shower? I honestly don’t understand people.
Post # 9
tacky and gross. Showers are not supposed to be fund raisers…no way would I attend that.
Post # 10
I thought that it was to shower them with love not gifts since not everyone can afford a gift. I didn’t even know it was a thing to open gifts in front of everyone at the shower until FH’s aunts basically cornered me and told me they would like to leave but were waiting on me to open gifts…literally when I was in the middle of a conversation but apparently I was the rude one. Then it felt weird because some people gave us nicer things or a card with a few hundred bucks(money gifting is very common in myfamily) and some gave us very modest gifts or just a card with $10-20. It felt like they were side eyeing a few other guests for giving less and I hated it. How well do you know the bride and her family? Maybe they don’t plan on opening gifts…it’s not a thing in my family and it’s also not uncommon to let people know that you’d prefer money as a gift so I wouldn’t think twice…maybe chuckle at the cheesy poem.
Personally, if all someone could afford is a $5 thrift store candle holder, I’d rather have the $5 that we could use towards something we’d actually use instead of store away to gather dust or wait for a regifting opportunity. They bought something off the registry because your daughter had one and now it’s this bride’s turn to do things her way but if it makes you guys uncomfortable then you could skip it and wait to celebrate her at the wedding.
Post # 11
Id go off registry for theirs too then!
This made me crack up big time though… you’re hilarious “If you want to be showered in money, I suggest a career as a stripper.” I feel the same way about asking for cash.
Post # 12
I too would decline the invitation. If you don’t want to do what s done at a shower, don’t have a shower.
Post # 13
pearfectprincess : MissCtoMrsR :
I had to inject some levity into this sad situation!
Post # 14
I just find the concept of bridal showers so strange. How do you deal with opening gifts in front of the giver and all other guests, have to look constantly delighted during the whole process, and try to reduce the awkwardness of some people obviously having more money and therefore giving more expensive gifts? Sounds painful for everyone involved lol.
Post # 15
There will always be people with more, but in my experience shower gifts tend to be very sedate. It never occurred to me to think badly of someone who gives a smaller shower gift. Honestly, people with money don’t spend a lot of time thinking about how much other people spend. It’s a nice way to chat with the bride and her family about the upcoming wedding, eat food and chat with others. I’ve been to many, hosted two, and the only thing people cared about on the gifts was making sure we matched the correct giver to the gift for the thank you note later.