(Closed) Bridal Shower Gifting Etiquette

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
1518 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think its polite to send an invite to people that you would normally invite even if you know they won’t be able to attend. Its your way of showing them you want them to be included. If you have talked to them about it then i would still send invitation. 

And no i don’t think people are expected to send a gift even if they aren’t coming. Some people think you aren’t expected to get a gift even if you attend a shower or wedding! I personally always send a gift if invited to a shower or wedding wether i can or can’t go. 


Post # 4
5786 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2011

1. It depends, if they would have to fly in to attend then yes I think it would be odd in most cases to send them an invite. We made exceptions, Future Mother-In-Law in law got an invite even though theres no way she can go because we didn’t want her to feel excluded.

2. I don’t send gifts to showers when I cant attend (I do for weddings).

Post # 5
1699 posts
Bumble bee


You are both sort-of right. If you are inviting people to a pre-wedding tea or luncheon — the kind of event that doesn’t normally involve bringing gifts — then by inviting everyone you are being generous with you hospitality. It is a very gracious way of thinking.

The problem that your mom is sensitive to is, that a “shower” is by definition a gift-giving event. The main entertainment is watching the bride open her presents and then passing the presents around so that everyone can see them. By calling the party a “shower” you are de-facto asking them to give you a present. So the rule for showers is first, that you should never give one for yourself or for your own daughter so that it doesn’t look as though you are pan-handling for small housewares; and second regardless of who gives the shower, that no-one should be invited unless the hostess has reason to believe that they actually *want* to give the bride a present.

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