Post # 1
I was talking with my mom today about who we should invite to my bridal shower. She thinks we shouldn’t invite anyone who might not come because they would think I was just asking for gifts. I want to invite people who may have interest in coming, not expecting gifts from anyone (even those who will come for sure). So two questions:
1. Is it bad etiquette to invite people you know will not be able to attend the shower?
2. Are you expected to send a gift if you are invited but cannot attend a shower?
Post # 3
I think its polite to send an invite to people that you would normally invite even if you know they won’t be able to attend. Its your way of showing them you want them to be included. If you have talked to them about it then i would still send invitation.
And no i don’t think people are expected to send a gift even if they aren’t coming. Some people think you aren’t expected to get a gift even if you attend a shower or wedding! I personally always send a gift if invited to a shower or wedding wether i can or can’t go.
Post # 4
1. It depends, if they would have to fly in to attend then yes I think it would be odd in most cases to send them an invite. We made exceptions, Future Mother-In-Law in law got an invite even though theres no way she can go because we didn’t want her to feel excluded.
2. I don’t send gifts to showers when I cant attend (I do for weddings).
Post # 5
You are both sort-of right. If you are inviting people to a pre-wedding tea or luncheon — the kind of event that doesn’t normally involve bringing gifts — then by inviting everyone you are being generous with you hospitality. It is a very gracious way of thinking.
The problem that your mom is sensitive to is, that a “shower” is by definition a gift-giving event. The main entertainment is watching the bride open her presents and then passing the presents around so that everyone can see them. By calling the party a “shower” you are de-facto asking them to give you a present. So the rule for showers is first, that you should never give one for yourself or for your own daughter so that it doesn’t look as though you are pan-handling for small housewares; and second regardless of who gives the shower, that no-one should be invited unless the hostess has reason to believe that they actually *want* to give the bride a present.
Post # 6
@aspasia475: Just to clarify, my mom and I are not hosting the shower, we are just helping my Maid/Matron of Honor with a list of family who should be invited. I have family a few hours away who I know would love to come, it’s just probably unlikely they would actually be able to make it. I want them to be invited in case they do decide to come (and I would love to spend time with them!), she wants to exclude them.