(Closed) Bridal Shower Group Gift

posted 6 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
Member
4375 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I don’t know that you really can ask that of guests. If a group of guests decide together to go in on the gift, that’s one thing, but what gift to give and how much to spend is up to the gift-giver, not the host or recipient.

She may get some money at the shower (and almost definitely at the wedding) that she can put towards the appliance. And, who knows, a guest may choose to purchase that appliance if its on her registry! If someone asks what  the bride-to-be really wants, you could suggest that the guest join forces with few others to get the appliance (assuming you know the guest would take to that suggestion well), but I don’t think you can gracefully demand that all guests contribute to that specific gift.

Your daughter and her Fiance may have everything they need, but I’m sure there are other things they want or could use an upgrade on, besides the KitchenAid.

Post # 4
Member
2715 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@40sarge:  Short answer, you don’t.  You cannot dictate the type of gift nor the amount of the gift- to do so would be incredibly rude.

However, I think it would be perfectly acceptable to let the guest know that you are collecting/pooling money to get the bride the appliance.  You would include the info where you list where the bride is registered.

 

The Bride is Registered At:

Store #1

Store #2

The mothers of the bride and groom are also collecting money to get the bride X as a group gift

or

You may also choose to go in an a group gift and get the bride X

 

Or something to that extent.  That way the guest isn’t forced into a specific gift or amount but knows that there is an option of a group gift. 

Post # 5
Member
115 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

We once did an invite like this. We included two recipe cards & a cute invitation with a stand mixer on it. We had a local chef do a cooking demonstration since there were just a handful of gifts. (Be prepared to pay for a large chunk of he mixer if you have to. Many guests had already purchased gifts beforehand.) The shower was a big hit!!!:

Pots, pans, bowls, and dishes!
Let’s help fulfill her kitchen wishes!

Please join us as we “stock the kitchen” of
Mary Alicia Wilson
November 19 at 2:00
1000 Market St. 
Located above Stella’s Restaurant

Hosted by Rita Wilson and Sarah Smith
Regrets only to Sarah at [email protected] or 901.867.2424

Be prepared for a cooking demonstration and for some tasty treats!

We’d like to surprise the bride with a Kitchenaid Stand Mixer as a group gift. If you would like to contribute the recommended donation is $30. Contact Sarah for more information.

This foodie can’t wait to cook in her new kitchen, so please bring a copy of some of your favorite recipes to give her some delicious ideas!

Post # 6
Member
328 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

A gift is freely given by the giver.  You cannot dictate it. 

 

The point of a shower is to give boxed gifts.  If she does not need anything, do not have a shower.  Asking for money in the manner you have suggested is akin to charging admission.

 

Maybe instead, you and the Future Mother-In-Law should purchase the gift yourself. 

Post # 7
Member
1729 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

If we’re going all Emily Post, that’s really not ok.

My Fiance and I have lived together for the past 5 years, but are choosing to “upgrade” because we bought our original items when we were young and poor…also, we saved a lot of things (like china and a mixer) for our future registry.

Post # 9
Member
1181 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I don’t know, but this sounds like a wonderful idea!

Post # 10
Member
2212 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@40sarge:  I like the wording!  While it may be a little unorthodox to ask the shower goers to contribute to a group gift on the invite, I also think it’s smart.  This way, the bride ends up with a gift she’s really been hoping for and one person isn’t having to foot the whole bill. 

Though, I don’t think I would personally tell the guests how much they are required to contribute…I would be put off if I were told how much I was required to gift.  People should have the freedom to give as the want/are able to and have budgets they need to stick to.  Some will give less, but I bet many will give more than $25 if given the choice of how much to contribute on their own.

Post # 11
Member
495 posts
Helper bee

Just speaking as a guest, I would be really put off if a request to contribute to a specific gift was IN the invitation. And I hate cutesy poems like that.

Speaking as a bride, I would be outright mortified and apologize to every one of my guests for the hosts’ lack of tact.

For what it’s worth, I don’t think it’s bad to get a group gift, but it should be MUCH more casual and not orchestrated by the hosts.

Post # 12
Member
2212 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@jmarvellous:  Good point.  It would come off much better if it weren’t so official seeming. 

Sort of like how people get their registry information across – it’s not listed in the wedding invite; people ask around to find out where the couple is registered.  And when they ask about registry info, or RSVP for that matter, it would be a great time to mention the group gift!

Post # 13
Member
4 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: August 2013

There’s nothing wrong with asking people to pitch in for a group gift – they should want to help you get what you actually need. It would be a bit odd to ask/require a specific amount to be contributed. If they’re you’re friends, they’ll be inclined to contribute appropriately regardless of instructions.

A friend of mine just used aggregift for this exact purpose for her baby shower and ended up with things they needed like a stroler and baby monitor instead of a bunch of rattles and random toys. What aggregift does that’s nice is they don’t tell how much anyone contributed, only that they did, so you can avoid the awkward monetary amount discussion or them having to give you cash or check with an amount on it. 

Post # 14
Member
2192 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

You shouldn’t put anything on the invitation about a group gift.  However it is perfectly acceptable to ask people, either over the phone, in person, email, that you are thinking of getting PRESENT A and would like to know if they would like to go in on it.

Post # 15
Member
6741 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

I would just tell her NOT to register for anything and hope people bring cash and spread the word through word of mouth. 

I’m Maid/Matron of Honor and I asked the rest of the bridesmaids to pitch in and buy the kitchenaid mixer and a vacuum and a recipe box (we’re havign the guests bring in their fave recipes).  So, all in all, we’re spending about $130 each.  That’s less than I wuold normally spend on my BFF’s bridal shower, so I’m spending a bit more on her for the lingerie party that I’m hosting. 

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