Post # 1
- Wedding: September 2013 - Franklin Plaza
Here’s the deal bees:
My Fiance and I just moved back to NY from MI (we were there for 2 years). While I was there I did make a few friends through work,etc. They ARE inivted to the wedding.
Now I am working on the list for my bridal shower to give to my Maid/Matron of Honor. Do you just invite all girls that are invited to the wedding to the bridal shower as well? Or do you pick an choose.
Not that wouldn’t love to have them, but I definitely don’t expect to travel to NY twice (once for the shower and once for the wedding). I also don’t want to leave them out. But I don’t want to invite them just to have them send me gifts even though they can’t make it. I keep thinking that comes off as gift grabby. I would honestly love for these girls to come, but I know that it probably won’t happen because of the distance.
What do I do?
Also outside of this specific situation, what is the rule for inviting guests to the shower? The shower is in NY and my family and some friends are in MD. Do I still invite them knowing that some of them probably won’t make it?
Post # 4
I didn’t invite my long distance friends to my shower – just local friends. I did invite my out of state bridesmaids though, because I thought they should be included. And I did invite out of state aunts, because I invited aunts who lived in-state and didn’t want to offend anyone. Kind of random! I would say just be consistent with different ‘levels’ of who you invite.
Post # 5
I think traditionally you’re supposed to invite all the women, but I’m not. My wedding guest list is over 200 and if I invited all the women, my bridal shower would have been well over 100 ladies. I narrowed it down to 70 by not inviting people that would have to travel long distances. I still feel like 70 is a lot!
Post # 6
For the people I know, they have erred on the side of not inviting people who aren’t local, for the reason you state – they don’t want to be perceived as gift-grabby. I personally passed on a shower mostly because so many of my friends aren’t local and it didn’t seem fair to ask them to travel to a shower AND a wedding.
Post # 7
You don’t hvae to invite everyone that is invited to the wedding. Only the women who you are close to, and whom it would be appropriate to invite (i.e. if your Mother-In-Law is throwing a family shower for her side, you could invite her close friends etc). I personally do not see getting an invite for a shower for a friend who is out of state as gift grabby, but I also am the kind of person who appreciates being thought of and invited somewhere even though the person knows I can’t go. It makes me fee like they WISH I could come even though I cant. If you would invite them anyway, why not send an invite? I’m guessing you talk to them enough to say “hey, no pressure, But I love you tons!”
Post # 8
This is a tough one. I invited my friend who recently moved to Texas. I know she can’t come, in fact it is a miracle that she’s coming to the wedding! I don’t think she will take it as being gift grabby, I just talked to her and said that I was inviting her even though I know she can’t come. I didn’t want her to feel left out.
I think the best thing to do is to talk to these friends! What’s the harm in calling them up and saying that you’d love them to come but don’t want to burden them with having to travel twice and ask them what you should do? If they’re good friends, there shouldn’t be anything wrong with asking them.
I hand selected my shower guest list, as opposed to inviting all women that are invited to the wedding. It was a really hard list to make, and I’m glad I’m done with it! Good luck deciding!!
Post # 9
- Wedding: September 2013 - Franklin Plaza
Thanks for all of the input ladies!!! This has actually helped a lot.
Post # 10
- Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island
It’s up to you. I invited all women that were invited to the wedding, but only the local ones came.
Post # 11
I heard something really interesting on the radio the other day. They had a famous wedding planner on the radio with call ins. One topic was how do you decide who to invite to your wedding or showers and who do you leave off the list?
Her response was to imagine that the person you are debating on was the one getting married and sending out inviations…. would you be offended if you were not invited to their wedding? would you be offended if you were not invited to the shower? If the answer to either of those questions is no, then you should not feel guilty if you leave them off your list.
Typically showers are for family and close personal friends of the bride and many times only local or very close relatives that live a distance away will come.
I am the Maid/Matron of Honor hosting a shower in a month and a half and the list is 80% family and 20% close personal friends and a fraction of the women invited to the wedding.
A nice touch for a close family member that lives out of the area and cannot attend, such as the shower I am hosting has a grandmother 1200 miles away as well as a bridesmaid that is 1500 miles away and can’t come to the shower, bachelorette and wedding… I am sending them invitations with full knowledge that they will not be in attendance and I know both of them will send gifts. I have asked a friend of mine that doesn’t know the bride to come take photos so we all can focus on the fun of the shower. I will take special notes to make sure I have a photo of the bride opening their gifts and keep favors back for them. After the shower I will send them the photo and the favors and note telling them how much the bride really appreciated their thoughts on the day of the shower even though they were unable to join us for the shower. I want them to feel a part of it even though they are far away.