Post # 1
- Wedding: March 2019 - Baton Rouge, LA
My younger sister (MOH) has asked me for a list of guests that I would like to invite to my Bridal Shower so that she can start to plan it. I am trying to decide whether or not I should invite the women from my step-family.
My dad remarried after my parents divorced. When it comes to my step-mom, everything is not sunshine and roses between her and I. She has a knack for making extremely rude and underhanded comments while acting fake nice. My mom extremely dislikes her. I’m also not super close with my step-sister (although we have gotten better), step-aunts, and female step-cousins.
If I include them all, the guest list would be about 42 people. Is that too many?
Should I include my step-family on the list for my sister? Should I limit it to just my step-mom and step-sister? Or should I talk with my dad about maybe having a secondary shower for my step-family?
Post # 2
I would invite my stepmom and stepsister. Since you don’t get along that great with your stepfamily, I’m not sure who you envision hosting a shower just for them. In any case, it’s not appropriate for you to ask for or suggest that anyone throw you a shower. Regarding the stepaunts and cousins, are you close enough that they will be eager to give you an extra present and spend extra time oohing and ahhing over you, or are they more likely to see it as an obligation? I would probably skip inviting them unless you were close, which you say you aren’t.
Post # 3
For the sake of keeping the family peace, I would invite the stepsister and stepmom.
Post # 4
Invite stepmom and stepsister. Ask your stepmom if she would like the aunts and cousins invited but if she does not think they MUST be invited, skip them.
Post # 5
- Wedding: March 2019 - Baton Rouge, LA
I get along better with my step-family than I do with my step-mom. I’m not sure if the step-family would see going as an obligation. I really only see my step-aunt and step-cousins around twice a year.
Post # 6
I did not invite my step family. It would have just been awkward for everybody.
Post # 7
The host of the party should be the one determining if that is too many people. Generally speaking, they are the ones to set the parameters of how many people they can afford to host. There have been numerous posts from people offering showers who end up in over their heads because they have a “host a dozen people in my rec room with party trays and punch” budget they never communicated and the bride comes back with with a list of 50 people and expectations of a fully hosted restaurant luncheon. So clarify first exactly what it is your sister is offering to host and where.
Generally, showers are for your nearest and dearest. I would not classify “see twice a year” people in this category unless that is just by circumstance and you supplement that with lots of phone calls and emails between visits.
It would be inappropriate to ask if the step-family wants to throw you a separate shower. Showers are a gift offered to you by someone willing to host, not something asked or dictated by you as the person of honor. At most, confer with your dad if he believes your step-mom and step-sister would be offended to not be invited. But I’m going to guess they will be. If you are actually on better terms with your step-sister I would invite her. And assuming step-mom has been in your life for a number of years and they didn’t get get together within the last couple of years, then I would invite her, too. You may get lucky and maybe she’ll decline (an invitation isn’t a subpoena – it doesn’t guarantee she’ll come and is free to decline).
Post # 8
- Wedding: July 2021 - British Columbia, Canada
Invite whomever you want to be there – don’t let other peoples’ expectations of a day that is literally all about you overshadow your wishes and comfort. If the steps would make it awkward for your mother (and you by proxy) or just generally not be missed if they did not attend, you have your answer.
Post # 9
- Wedding: September 2019 - Saint Louis, MO
I would suggest to invite the step family and I don’t think 42 is too many people at all.