Post # 1
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
Background: I am a bridesmaid in an upcoming destination wedding. There were originally 5 bridesmaids scattered across the country. The Maid/Matron of Honor dropped out due to personal issues and wants nothing to do with anything wedding related right now. The other local bridesmaid dropped out due to financial issues. The remaining 2 bridesmaids are in other states. One won’t respond when I try to contact her about pre-wedding events (e.g. bridal shower and bachelorette) and the other has good ideas but is under budget and time constraints that restrict her ability to actually do any planning or contribute financially. That leaves me to plan and pay for everything. If I don’t, there will be no shower or bachelorette, and that’s just not acceptable.
Issue: The bride’s guest list for the shower is 50 people. Since the shower will have to be held in the winter, I am having a very hard time finding some place that can hold that many people indoors, is affordable, and isn’t a total dump. My house is not an option because it’s in no shape for entertaining and won’t be for quite a while, and the bride’s house is not big enough. We could do a restaurant, but I am looking at about $27-30 per person. For 50 guests, that’s at least $1350 out of my bank account. Event venues (community rooms) run about $350-500 for the room, tables, and chairs. And I’d still be responsible for feeding the guests. Pretty much any way I look at it, it’s going to run me $1000 or more for the shower. Mr. LK has made it very clear that it is not okay to spend $1000 on hosting a bridal shower. He’s right.
Question: Would I be totally out of line if I asked the bride to significantly trim the bridal shower guest list? Mr. LK would like me to keep this under $500, so I can realisticly afford about 15 people (plus bride and myself, so 17 total). I am also open to other options. I would love to be able to make her bride dreams come true, but not at the price of upsetting Mr. LK and compromising our own financial goals. This wedding is already going to cost us $2k without the bridal shower bill.
Post # 3
@lovekiss: How many people can the bride’s house fit? I would ask her to trim the guest list to fit those guests because you can not afford to throw a shower anywhere else. If she refuses, I would ask her if she had any ideas for where to throw it, or if she could contribute to close the gap between the $500 you can afford and the cost of the cheapest location.
Another option is renting one of the rooms and specifying on the invitation that it is a pot luck. I would assign half of the guest list appetizers and half of the guest list desserts. Hopefully you can provide a main course for under $150 (I would rent the cheapest place and not decorate).
Honestly I think you’re pretty generous to host a bridal shower by yourself. You can also consider contacting the MOB and MOG to see if they would be able to cohost the event with you (get their contact info from the bride).
Post # 4
I think you’re being very generous as is. I would just tell her I can afford X amount of people at X location, and let her either trim the guest list or come up with the rest of the cash. Maybe her family would contribute?
Post # 5
My bm is planning my shower and got my fmil to help out financially. Is that an option. Can you talk to the bride and see if it’s ok to either apporach her mom and fmil to help out the financial part of the shower Some people dont want to actually plan but will gladly lend a financial hand.
The other option is to talk to the bride and let her know what your financial limitations are. She might offer to either help by contributing some money or trim the list. Also, what if you found a local community hall that is within budget and then cook the food yourselves?
Whatever options you choose, good luck. It is super nice of you to be doing this for the bride.
Post # 6
I recently had an issue like this. After months of looking for a venue, I finally found one that was $20/person. I was able to host the shower for $800. Perhaps you could ask her mom for help? I know Bensi charges around $18/person..not sure if you have those around you.