Post # 1
Hello fellow bees! Using an anon name just in case.
So, I have a little predicament and I’m not sure what the best plan of attack is. As a Maid/Matron of Honor I have to throw a bridal shower in conjunction with the other BMs (MOH2 we’ll call her and BM) and Moms that wish to be involved. MOB is very overbearing and keeps telling me what to do (no room for me to be creative). Maid/Matron of Honor2 is not the biggest fan of me and vice versa. Maid/Matron of Honor2 is also very unreliable/irresponsible and not quite broke and Bridesmaid or Best Man is pretty much broke. Oh….Bridesmaid or Best Man hates Maid/Matron of Honor2 in an uncivil way. I have pretty good finances but I’m in my first real job and trying to get a financial footing- I don’t have a ton of cash to spend on this considering other stuff to buy for the wedding. On top of this being my team to work with, the Bride is giving a little too much input. You know, the kind where you feel like no matter what you do it won’t be good enough and it would almost be better if she were planning it herself?
So, Bride wants me to work with the other girls and mom’s on planning (obv) but they’re 2 hrs away. Already, it feels like too many cooks are in the kitchen and nothing is getting done because no one talks to each other. I’d like to just man it myself but that isn’t logical or something I can afford. It also hurts me when Bride tells me to dictate ‘cheaper’ tasks to Bridesmaid or Best Man and Maid/Matron of Honor2- as if I’m loaded and can pick up the rest.
My questions are:
– How would you handle the Bride and her demands? A lot of her requests can be done but not all of it, like she’s expecting.
– What suggestions can you offer to make sure that the 5 of us give her a great shower without emotions and tight finances getting in the way? I’m pretty thrifty but its hard to fathom doing everything while the other girls sit around (and Bride wants them included) and are hours away. Not to mention, our schedules are polar opposites!
I’m not sure where to start really and any advice you lovely bees can offer with getting the ball rolling would be AMAZING!
Post # 4
Are there any details that everyone agrees on?
I’m not fully in the loop on how much showers cost. Mine had mailed invites, two or three balloons, a few bottles of wine, some pop, and some home made appys…. so maybe $80, tops? There was about a dozen people, wine costs more in Canada.
Can you pick a location/house to host it at?
Can you assign something that’s not terribly expensive, but doable to people? ie – Invites and collecting addresses? You could also do eInvites.
Is it possible to ask the bride how she feels this can happen? Or, a little less bluntly, what is the worst case scenario if it’s just not possible to be able to get all of the details?
….I hate it when people are overbearing!
Post # 5
this sounds like a very tricky situation. it looks like ou will be the middle man in all conversations.
Perhaps ou can start by discussing with the bride her expectations? or what she invisions at her bridal shower? also to speak with the moms, about a realistic budget and their expectations. then fill in the other bm’s in with what was discussed and what the plans are.
Post # 6
Invites, location and date are already done which is very helpful! In talking with the bride first, is kind of where this confusion had started. Her expectations are not like any bridal shower I’ve ever been to. I know how to throw a good party 😉 but it seems showers she’s experienced and set her standard are the opposite of ones I’ve experienced. I guess I’ll have to talk to her again and jot down the things she repeats.
I have no invite list yet and with the amount of games and prizes she wants to distribute I feel as if theres no need for a favor because everyone will get something and on top of that she wants favors for everyone….
Do you think it would be easier to just dictate to people what they’re responsible for? I have a hard time seriously thinking about this since I already know they’re a bit on the flakey side…
Post # 7
Coordination with the bride has to be made, of course, but that is usually about date/time and a suggested guest list. Other than that, the person(s) hosting the shower are doing so as a gift to the bride. At that point, the bride’s “job” is to show up, look pretty, and smile, I always say … meaning leave the planning and details to the hostess(es). That way, they can plan a celebration that is within their budget, using their own creativity to “shower” the bride with love and in celebration … because that is what a shower is, correct?
Post # 8
Don’t know about other places, but in the south, when one agrees to give a shower or tea, we (the bride and MOB) simply say a very gracious and heartfelt THANK YOU, help them select a date, and provide a nice thank you note with a nice hostess gift.
Wow….have never encounted the demanding bride/MOB before.
Bless your heart!
I might remind the MOB/bride of the amount of funds you are contending with….invitation cost, postage cost, food, decor, etc….. maybe if they are ignorant enough to be so demanding at the gift of a shower, they are also ignorant of the cost of doing one also! I don’t know.
Wish I could be of more help!