(Closed) Bridal Shower HELP ME loaded with questions

posted 6 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
Member
7901 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

@sasha.alexandra.18:  showers are for physical gifts. If your sister does not want gifts, she should not have a shower, so she either needs to register or you need to have a themed shower, like a lingerie or gourmet food or wine shower. you should never ask for money, especially not for a shower. Normally you only invite wedding guests to the shower, so I would probably not invite your friend since it sounds like this person won’t be a wedding guest. Your sister invites no one; you are the host, so you issue invitations. As the host, you should plan everything. A shower is thrown for the bride, not by the bride. She should give you a list of people to invite and her registry information and leave it at that. Who plans the bachelorette is up to you and the other BMs. You need to contact them all and come to an agreement. 

Post # 4
Member
960 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

  1. Ask for Money, from whom? Typically when the shower is hosted the expense is carried by the host, if you have someone else helping let them know. If the budget is tight and you can’t afford much let the bride know and see if she’ll assist or someone else will. If splitting the cost saving reciepts is good just to keep a general idea, I don’t think anyone is going to ask for an exact cost just round “$25 on this, $50 on that etc”
  2. Invites can be printed at home or use a printer service such as Kinkos or Staples just send the file and they can print X in colour. You’ll need to ask for the templates or purchase them from the source. Or you can design your own if you feel up ot it and just have a “copy cat” one.
  3. That sounds good…. just put them on the invites and around the decor Here’s a link… http://www.projectwedding.com/post/list/smy-hot-pink-and-black-polka-dot-theme-bridal-shower
  4. Not rude, you can simply invite her. My mother has her Eucher Club being invited to the shower and I’ve never met them at all. Just know in some circles being invited to shower and not the wedding is rude, but in others its okay. In mine it will be pretty much everyone invited to the wedding but with some (such as Eucher Club) not.
  5. Yes it is normal for the bride to ask the MoH or Mother-In-Law or Mother to plan it all
  6. I agree with PP, Showers are for gifts, do not word anything that you’re requesting cash. If your sister wants she can register for GCs as well as items, but items is prefered. Your sister if really just wanting cash can always return the items for GCs
  7. Sounds expense but yes you can plan it or you can pass it on to a Bridesmaid or Best Man to help. Make sure the girls know for that one its split cost, every attendee pays their way.

 

With the reciepe card, know that could spawn a kitchen theme very easily and guests may simply opt for bringing something kitchen related without viewing the registry. If your sister doesn’t want kitchen items you may wish to note that on the invite.

EG. My Shower is Wine Themed (because my mother had the decor already) but I do NOT want to get a bunch of bottles of wine, I don’t have the space for it. So I’ve asked her to put on the invites “Please do not gift Wine.”

 

Good Luck!

Post # 5
Member
2934 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

4. I think you could have a friend come to the shower in the role of “Susie is going to help me out in the kitchen etc, she’s not really a guest, she’s just helping me out.” Susie would then need to help out, and would not get an invitation or bring a gift. I think you would then need to take Susie for a nice meal to say thank you!

6. You can’t say “she wants money.” You can say “they decided not to register” and hope people take the hint. If questioned, you could probably also say, “they’re saving for a new sofa/surround sound system/kitchen renovation” and that would be a stronger hint.

7. If the other bridesmaids are not helping with the shower at all, or very little, I think you could totally say to them, “Hey, since I planned the whole shower, could you guys plan the bachelorette? Thanks” and hope they go for it.

Post # 6
Member
5 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2013

1. I think this is group/circle dependant.  In my group and what seems to be common in PA is that everyone chips in but not necessarily equally.  I was Maid/Matron of Honor for my friend and the six bridesmaids split the cost of the venue and food.  The Groom’s mom made/paid for the dessert.  The Bride’s mom covered decorations.  Then since I was Maid/Matron of Honor I also covered the favors, invitations, games, and misc. other supplies. 

2. I printed a nice copy after I designed them (I used a template maker online) and then had color copies printed at staples on card stock.  easy.

4. To invite your friend to the wedding?  It depends on the situation, if they are already tight on space/money I wouldn’t but if you feel confortable bringing it up I might.  To the shower?  If your friend is going to help you set up/decorate and organize things invite her, no biggie.

5. Humm, I would still ask the other girls opinions but know that you have final say.  Maybe your sister knows you know her style and will will respect her wishes more than the other girls in the party?

6. I’ve been to showers where the bride/groom lived together and had like everthing they needed for the most part.  One they just said it was to shower the person with love and best wishes and some people just bought gifts (risky cause you don;t know what you are going to get) and many just gave money, and I’m sure some just brought their best wishes for the bride.  The other was a “Wine Shower” where everyone was asked to bring a bottle of wine and then many also gave a card with money.  Many people like to give a gift (I think).  I would have her register for some things and then people that really want to give a gift can.

7. haha, good luck!

Post # 7
Member
88 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I have never planned anything myself since I’ve never been a Maid/Matron of Honor, but my friend did get married last May and she had a “Greenback Shower”. She didn’t register anywhere since they had been living together for 2 years already and didn’t need much that she doesn’t already have. It made sense to me and I was def. not offended by any means. This might be a possibility for you.

Side note: She did have a “co-ed” (sounds weird) shower. It wasn’t women only. There was a DJ and all that fun stuff. Like a mini-version of the wedding on a Saturday night.

I’m a firm believer that not only the Maid/Matron of Honor is responsible for costs. This should be split between families of the bride/groom and bridesmaids/groomsman… especially if the wedding party is all adults (no jr.’s) – If they cannot afford to help, see if they can just lend a hand on certain projects. That sometimes might mean more than $ value.

Post # 9
Member
1083 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

My friend got married and I was a Bridesmaid or Best Man. . . the girls threw her bridal shower. Her case was interesting. . . she and her now Darling Husband live with her parents who converted their basement into an apartment for them. She specifically said they didn’t plan on moving out after the wedding any time soon and they had a lot of things they already needed. Also, she’s from NJ but moved to UT. We planned the shower in NJ because her entire family is still here and she was coming out this way before her wedding for her cousin’s wedding. She made a registry through her travel agent for her guests to purchase a gift certificate good towards her honeymoon. So, it was a different way of asking for money, but the guests knew what it was going towards. I simply put a card in with the invitation that said “In lieu of gifts, please consider making a contribution towards their honeymoon”. Your sister is going to get money from the actual wedding, don’t forget. So, if she wants money for the shower, too, I’d say consider something along the lines of what my friend did, so they know what it’s going towards. If not, then I don’t see a point in a shower. 

Post # 10
Member
5660 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

You have some answers but I”ll chime in!

 

1. I don’ tknow what you mean by asking for money? If you are the host you should carry the cost, unless she has offered to pay for her own shower or, you are splitting the cost with your mom, bm’s etc… If that is the case i would either a) have them bring or contribute something specific, such as buying the favors, or the cake, or something instead of actually trading cash, or ask everyone that you are splitting the cost with what they can contribute and esxpect to stay within that budget, or pay for anything additional yourself.

2. Invites are easy, just print them at home, or you can even email them to Kinko’s and they will print them, etc…

3. Great. Get on Pinterest, you’ll find TONS of cute ideas

4. You’ve gotten various answers on the friend thing. Personally I would say yes it’s rude, especially if she’s not invited to the wedding. If she is, then its not as rude but I don’t think you get to decide who is coming just cause you are hosting, she’s still the bride and the party is for her.

5. Yes this is normal but expect that if no one is helping, the cost is on you.

6. It is not odd that they don’t want physical gifts but I would suggest that you do what other posters said, lingerie shower, kitchen, recipe books, aprons, there are so many themes you can choose if they did not register. DO NOT ask for money.If someone says “isn’t there anything I want” then I think you can say “well they are saving for such and such so you could always donate to that if you wanted”.

7. Talk to the other girls, it can be on them, it can be on you as a group, it’s usually good to get a feel for everyone’s ideas and preferences. No one person should foot the bill for all of an event.

Post # 11
Member
184 posts
Blushing bee

@sasha.alexandra.18:  

1. how the heck does one ask money for bridal shower  ?  …(should i save recepits) 

If you are hostessing the shower….it is your expense that is not reimbursed, unless you are hosting with a group of girlfriends and then you share the costs.  It’s your gift to the bride.

5. my sister wants me to plan every part of the bridal shower is that normal Yes, she cannot do this.      Why don’t you ask a few of her friends to help you?

6. is it going to be odd if she doesnt want gifts at her shower she just wants money …how can i make that sound nice ? wait……i dont think i can make that sound nice   You can’t make that sound nice.  Sorry.    

 

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