(Closed) Bridal Shower Horror

posted 10 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
5399 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’ve written a long post or two myself, so I totally understand!

Awww man, I don’t blame you for dreading this next shower.  Does you FIs whole family have a problem with you?  Is that why they barely spoke to you?  I know your Future Mother-In-Law acted strange, but is that how your FIs family usually acts towards you when you are at family parties with them?  Or was this out of character.

I think it was fine to leave when you did, you toughed it out for long enough.  The only thing that would maybe make the next bridal shower more bearable would be maybe if the men were allowed so then your Fiance would be there and maybe you wouldn’t dread it as much and it would take some of the attention off you.  Other than that, I’m not sure what to do since you agreed to the shower it would be hard to back out a week before.

Lastly, it is not wrong to feel hurt for being ignored.  Considering the party was in your honor you would think people would make more of an effort to talk to you.  I’m not sure if I read or not in your post, but instead of just sitting with your mom and sister, did you try to work the room and mingle? 

Post # 5
1246 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Oh, I feel your pain. If I was your sister, I’d let the snarky comments fly at shower #2 and do my best to be the politest b*tch out there. Good for you for having the self-control not to be that way. 😉 Seriously – "I’m going to throw you a party then do nothing to help you feel comfortable or included." What nonsense. At least she emailed to apologize, but from what you said, even that sounds a little passive aggressive.

*Hopefully* shower #2 will be more tolerable, but if it isn’t, I guess my only suggestion is rewarding yourself afterwards? Go out for a pedicure, a couple drinks, and a comfort food dinner, and just be happy that you’ll be in Air Force training and far, far away from FMIL!

Post # 6
18 posts
  • Wedding: September 2018

Wow that sounds rough.  But it doesn’t seem like your mom and sister made it any easier for you, esp with the glares and rolling of eyes.  I wonder if some people didn’t approach you to talk because they felt like they were interrupting your little circle. 

Maybe at the next shower, try and mingle on your own.  I know you don’t know the people, but there is always the weather to talk about!  Try to read the newspaper this week so you are up on current events, not the politics and religion, but the watercooler weird stories.  Those are always good for awkward pauses (did you hear about the Japanese man who didn’t know a woman was living in his closet for a year?  can you imagine what those poor people on the spacestation did when they realized their toliet wasn’t working?)  If all else fails, a glass of wine will help you feel more at ease!

Post # 7
2 posts

Easy. Your fiance should go with you to this next shower. It’s perfectly acceptable for the groom to be to attend the shower, as the gifts are for both of you. This especially makes sense if it’s his family. It would also make it easier for your Future Mother-In-Law to be hostess, your Fiance could introduce you to everyone and help them include you in their conversations. Make sure you phrase it in positives when letting your Future Mother-In-Law know.

Post # 8
388 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

Ah, this sounds like the classic case of Future Mother-In-Law using your wedding as an excuse to throw a party & be the hostess.  She clearly forgot that the party was to HONOR YOU. 

There’s this weird thing that mother’s go through during weddings where they want to "show you off".  You said you had a strained relationship with her, but it obviously is not enough to prevent her from using you as an exuse for a party!

As for FMIL’s gifts, I take it as her passive-agressive way of telling you that she knows better than you what you will need for your household.  Clearly, the things you registered for aren’t the right choices for you and her son!  

Also, it sounds like Future Mother-In-Law tried to acknowledge her poor behavior, so grab this opportunity.  You did such an eloquent job in your post in regards to how you appreciated their efforts, so share that with her. Take the high road and tell her you want to maximize the time to get to know her family and friends, but you need her help to faciliate the introductions and conversation.  If she feels like she’s in a "needed" role, she might play up to it. 

Do the best you can to mingle.  You have a responsibility to try, too, and not just stand there within your own comfort zone. Good luck, and keep focused on the wedding, which will be much more fun.

Post # 9
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

I second the passive-aggressive diagnosis…  she buys you almost what you want but not quite – so now if you return these things you’re too picky.  She essentially ignores you through the party, and lets her friends and family do the same, and then gives you a half-assed apology later.  Your Future Mother-In-Law is the one who is the b*tch.  She is treating you like crap, but in just a nice enough way that it’s hard to criticize her over it – and it sounds to me like she just wants to emphasize that she’s in charge.

I also second that your fiance should come to the next shower with you.  Just let him know that it was very uncomfortable, you felt very out of place, and you clearly need someone from his family who is on your side to be at your side.  His family’s behavior is to a large extent his responsibility, and while it would be great if they behaved well enough that you didn’t need him around as a buffer, that is not happening.  It is therefore his job to mediate their behavior, even if all he does is show up. I would bet that things would have been quite different if he had been there.  Think about it – if there was a lot of tension between him and your family, would you leave him to fend for himself for 4 1/2 hours with them?  I think not.

And, 4 1/2 hours is a pretty long shower.  If you’re having a great time, feel free to stay at the next one as long as you want.  If not, leave after you eat your cake.  Let your Future Mother-In-Law know that you’ve got some other things that have to be done, so sorry, thanks so much, and on your way.

And I’m so sorry, truthfully.  My Future Mother-In-Law is very sweet; my Future Sister-In-Law is a total b*tch.  It’s really, really hard having somebody be nasty to you for no particular reason you can figure out, and it’s even harder when you can’t really be nasty back.  Hang in there – hopefully after the wedding you won’t have to see her that much.  And if it continues, then your Fiance should have a long talk with his mom.

And, you should take the gifts back and exchange them for what you wanted.  If she says anything, just let her know that you’re sorry the registry was so complicated, she must have been confused, but really the things you wanted WERE the ones on the registry, so it’s good the store has such a wonderful return policy.  In other words, smile and dish it right back.

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