Post # 1
So I’m trying to figure this out as my shower was on the weekend. The invitations were my mother, Future Mother-In-Law and sister hosting.
one of my Bridesmaid or Best Man offered to make the cupcakes and ended up staying late to help clean up and arriving early to help set up.
My Future Mother-In-Law showed up after everything was set up, ignoring my mother’s request for her to come help earlier and left along with all the other guests, so she didn’t clean up at all either.
I was the go-between so I know she wasn’t able to show up to the shopping trip, but she agreed that was fine, and ended up buying chocolates the day before to put on the dessert table.
I originally had planned to gift each hostess the same, with just a small extra for Mom and Sister since they were doing more, but now I’m kind of upset at my Future Mother-In-Law having not helped at all. She didn’t help to buy anything or prep any of the games/activities/DIY decor or set up or clean up. And my mother is pretty sure my Future Mother-In-Law isn’t going to split the costs of the shower as when Mom mentions it, Future Mother-In-Law brushes it off.
What do I do now? Wait until I find out if my Future Mother-In-Law actually paid at all before giving her a gift? Ignore the fact she did nothing and gift anyways?
I got something small for my Bridesmaid or Best Man that made the cupcakes and i’m going to go out to get my Dad something as he was in the kitchen cooking and cleaning the entire time which was awesome. But I’m now so confused as to what to do about my Future Mother-In-Law 🙁 She did give me an OVERLY generous cash gift for the shower so I don’t know what to do =(
Post # 3
Future Mother-In-Law probably considers her cash gift her contribution to the shower. Maybe there is something else that is bothering her that you don’t know about. Did she volunteer to host the shower, or was she asked?
I say write her a very thoughtful thank you card for her gift and leave it at that.
Post # 4
@april13th: Maybe there is but I don’t know 🙁 We visit her whenever my Fiance wants/his schedule allows and she seems happy about everything. I havent restricted anything she has asked for in terms of the wedding so unless she’s just being bugged about something NWR?
I can’t 100% remember, I know when we were discussing everything to do with the wedding and then the shower she seemed likke she wanted to and was suggesting her friends and family to attend that are invited to the wedding, If she hadn’t been hosting that wouldn’t have happened but I can’t remember a disiticnt “Do you want to” or anything regarding that.
Post # 5
Maybe she is truly bothered, or maybe she is simply clueless. That is the way my IL are.
My IN were supposed to host the rehearsal dinner, I even asked them to come an hour in advance of the guests to set up. They showed up after our guests did, so my parents were forced to setup and do the work to run it. They DID stay to clean up, though. IL were not very enthused about planning or making preparations for it in advance either – if my parents offered to do something, they let my parents do it, rather than insisting on doing it themselves. I was annoyed because my parents were putting forth so much effort, time and expense towards the wedding, and this one area where IL could have risen to the occasion was disappointing from them.
However, the event was beautiful and overall, we all enjoyed it. My mother told me that ILs probably meant no harm, and are just truly clueless. Some people just have no social graces.
Post # 6
It seems you are already WAY too involved in your shower.
You should not be involved in anything to do with the organization or paying, so I would thank people as they all did the same.
It seems like Mother-In-Law wasn’t necessarily on board with hosting, as mothers typically are not shower hosts, so she may have been very uncomfortable.