Post # 1
Hi Bees! I have a question:
For the bridal shower are all the females that are invited to wedding supposed to be invited to the shower as well? I have a lot of out of town/state family that will be coming in for the wedding but probably not for the shower. Which I completely understand, Im just happy to have them for the wedding. My problem is is that I want them to feel included and send them an invite to the shower, but I dont want them to feel obligated to come or to send a gift.
Should I give them a call ahead of time and say something like “you will be recieving an invite to my shower soon and I just wanted to let you know that although I would love to have you here, its totally not expected. Im just happy to have you at my wedding and wanted you to feel included!”
Or is it better that they just dont get invited? It feels weird sending some Aunts an invitation but not others…
Post # 2
No, you do not have to invite every woman invited to the wedding to the shower. Typically shower guest lists are made up of those nearest and dearest to the bride. For example H and I had over 135 people invited to our wedding, but my shower guest list only had 20 people on it. So needless to say I did not include every woman invited to my wedding on my shower list.
You also need to ask the host of your shower how many people they are willing to host and then keep your list within that number.
Finally, if you do decide to invite out of town guests, don’t call them up and say what you wrote in your post. An invite is not a summons and they know that they are free to decline if they can’t make it. But to call them up and say “you will be recieving an invite to my shower soon and I just wanted to let you know that although I would love to have you here, its totally not expected. Im just happy to have you at my wedding and wanted you to feel included!” kind of screams to me as you invited out of obligation rather then you really wanting them there.
Post # 3
I would not invite out of town guests who realistically couldn’t make a day trip for the shower if they wanted to. I’ve been an out of town guest and driven to showers in other states (probably up to 2-3 hours one way) but if someone invited me to a shower that was 6 hours away or required a plane ride I’d probably think it was out of obligation or a bit gift grabby. Just invite those who you really want there and who may be able to make the trip.
Post # 4
I agree with Curlycupcake:
and would find an invitation to an out of town shower to be presumptuous and/or gift-grabby. Also, to ease your mind about possibly offending people, no one I know in my circle would be offended not be invited to a shower (indeed, many of us would be relieved).
Post # 6
Yeah, if you don’t think they’d come just don’t invite them. And DEFINITELY don’t call them up if you do. It’s basically saying “Hey, heads up – I sent you an invite with all the information for my shower. Totally not asking you to come because I know you wouldn’t anyway. I just wanted to make sure you knew I was having a shower and when so you can appropriately send a gift. But… I dont really want you to attend, of course”. Ok, so that sounds extreme but honestly that’s what I would take it as.
My Mother-In-Law insisted on sending shower invites to all Out of Town guests on DH’s side of the family and I was mortified. A lot of them sent gifts (I’m assuming out of obligation) and half of them I’d never met before. I felt terrible! Only invite people you absolutely want there, know it’s a possibility/probability that they would come or close family/friends who may be Out of Town but would be offended to not get an invite (i.e. Your beloved Grandma who you know wouldn’t make the 6 hour car ride to your shower but she’d also kick your butt for not keeping her in the loop on when it would be so she could send you that lovely quilt she’s been working on for you).