Post # 1
I have 3 friends who have offered to throw bridal showers for me (so sweet of them!), and each of them want to throw me a shower in a different city at least 2 hrs apart from the other. I am hoping 2 of them can be combined into one shower, so I will probably have 2 total. Here’s my question: Do I invite some of the same people to both showers or have 2 totally different guest lists? I feel like I should invite my mother to both of them, but I don’t really know what is the polite thing to do in this case. I have a handful of very close friends that I would like to invite to both, but I don’t want to make anyone feel left out, so I am leaning toward just having 2 totally different groups of people. Have any of you run into this situation?
Post # 3
I think it’s odd to invite the same people to both shower. Obviously your mother is a different story, but if I was invited to 2 or 3 showers for the same person, I’d get annoyed and feel the bride was being a bit gift-grabby.
Typically (in my experience) when multiple showers are thrown, it is because the bride lives in a different state from her family (e.g., more than a few hours away) and the guest lists are completely different. (e.g., one for brides side of family and one for grooms side of family)
Post # 4
I would only expect maybe my Mom to go to both and for her to be the only double gift-giver too. You could invite your BM’s as well, but make it clear they don’t give a gift for each (unless they really want to give 2 smaller gifts).
Seperate guest lists would be the best.
Post # 5
Thanks for your opinion. Yeah that makes sense. I forgot an important part: I am going to ask the host to let people know that I don’t want gifts. I just want to see my friends and celebrate with them. A lot of my friends are in grad school, working and trying to save up, or they are starting families. I don’t like the idea of them spending money on me for stuff like underwear (isn’t that the typical bridal shower gift?). I have enough underwear! If they insist, I’ll point them in the direction of the wedding registry. I am one of the first of my close friends to get married and have never been to a bridal shower before (except to photograph one since I am a wedding photographer). Maybe I am just being silly about this and uncomfortable with all the attention, but I just don’t see why I should get a bunch of gifts from my friends in addition to the normal wedding gifts. Am I missing something? P.S. My fiance and I have lived together for 3 years… we have the basic things we need to have a comfortable home already.
Post # 6
Weelll…the point of any shower IS to give gifts, so maybe you’d prefer they throw you a bridal luncheon and not mention anything about a shower at all. This way people will come with no expectation of gift giving and will know you just want a get together with them.
Post # 7
@NatureLoverBride: Yeah, I don’t really think you get the purpose of the registry and the shower…
The purpose of the bridal shower is to ‘shower’ the bride with gifts, that is what your registry is for. The large majority of people will not bring a physical gift to your wedding, most guests put money or a check in a card, which is why a lot of people have card boxes at their weddings. We had 160 people at our wedding and ended up with three or four gifts to take home the night of the wedding (and actually, none of them were things on our registry).
Oh, and I didn’t get any lingerie or underwear at my shower, I would’ve been mortified opening that in front of all the older female relatives! I think that’s more of a bachelorette party thing, though my friends never did anything like that since they know how embarassed I’d be.
Post # 8
To NatureLoverBride: the other Bees have covered the Etiquette aspects for the Invite List (should be different folks, with the only possible doubles being your Bridesmaids, Mom and if you have any Sisters)
As for “No Gifts”… if you strongly feel this way… then you should decline on having Bridal Showers entirely… because the main idea of a shower, is to “Shower the Guest of Honour” with gifts (doesn’t matter if it is a Bridal Shower, Baby Shower, etc… the concept is always the same… gifts to get you started on your new adventure in life)
As for underwear…
Hmmm, not sure how you got that idea, other than the fact you mentioned you haven’t been to any / many showers.
But Showers can have a variety of themes… not just Lingerie.
Some of the most popular ones for Brides include… A Kitchen Shower (kitchen items) – A Cooking Shower (Recipes and Utensils etc) – A Bathroom Shower (bathroom items) – A Linen Shower (Sheets – Towels – Tea Towels – Tablecloths etc) – A Lingerie Shower (self explanatory) – A Personal Care Shower (Bath Products, Makeup, Slippers etc… anything to pamper the Bride).
Of course there are also countless other options.
Couples Showers are also popular… in which case the Guest List is mostly couples and both the Bride & Groom-2-B are honoured… with themes like… Backyard Entertaining (everything from Dishes to Patio Furniture) – Grilling & BBQing (self explanatory) – Handyman & Handywoman (power tools, hammers etc… stuff for fixing up the house)
Altho Etiquette states that as the Guest of Honour, you are not supposed to be involved in the organization… if you’ve heard about the Shower, it is perfectly ok to let the Host know WHAT type of shower would be most appreciated (needed) by yourself / Fiance.
So take an Inventory of what you have, and what you need… and figure out what theme would be best suited to your new life.
Hope this helps,