Post # 1
So I need some advice. I have lots of time to think about this but I’m already getting the question from my parents. My Mom and Dad are divorced. It wasn’t a nice divorce, are they really? My Stepmom is the reason why.
So as you can imagine my Mom doesn’t want to be near my Stepmom. Understandable.
My Dad thinks my Stepmom should be invited to all wedding events. My Mom disagrees.
My brother just had his wedding and we went through this issue then. But my SIL said no to my Stepmom being invited to the bridal showers and it hurt my Dad and Stepmom’s feelings. This caused lots of drama in the family as my parents helped pay for their wedding and my brother and I work with our Dad.
So what do I do? I am such a peacekeeper. I hate to see anyone hurt because of me or something related to me.
Here is my thoughts. I have my FI’s sister and friend throw a bridal shower and I invite my FI’s family and my Dad’s side of the family (Grandma, Aunt and StepMom) then I have my mom’s sisters throw me a shower and I invite Mom’s side of the family and mom’s friends.
Do you think that would make everyone happy or am I just adding fuel to the fire?
btw. both showers would have 50 people so breaking into two groups is more manageable for the hostess.
Post # 3
Since you have such a large group, I definitely think you can do the 2 showers and keep your mom and step mom separated. Does your step mom understand why she wasnt invited to you SIL’s shower or does she think nothing is wrong? I think your solution is a good one!
Post # 4
Aw, I’m sorry you have to deal with this. I can understand why your mom wouldn’t want your stepmom there, but I can also see how she’d want to be included. I think your solution is great! Both your mom and stepmom can be involved and not have to deal with one another. And if anyone gives you any crap about it, just know that you did everything you could!
Post # 5
I like your 2 shower idea, but I’d think it would still cause some tension.
Do you think your mom could endure your stepmom for the shower?
I realize she doesn’t want to be around her – but it sounds like there has been some time since the divorce and maybe she’d be willing to suck it up for an afternoon. It would definitely be worth having a conversation about….
Post # 6
I think that keeping them separated is a good idea too. And if by chance the plan doesn’t work, and you only have one shower, I have to say, Stepmom should understand not being invited. Really, it sounds like your dad left your mom for your stepmom. I think he’s being ridiculous if he thinks he should be able to force them to be together. (Particualrly at such important moments in her children’s lives.)
Post # 7
tanya123- I agree i think he’s asking a bit too much to have her involved at all. Some people wouldn’t even invite to the wedding. This should be something I do with my mom.
Post # 8
well good news. I finally decided to talk to my mom about the shower invites. She says that she will do whatever will make me happy and to not worry about it. I gave her my idea of having two separate showers and she said if you think that you’re fine with that then I am too. So I still have some time to figure it all out. But I’m just glad to get it off my chest and have my mom help me figure out what to do.