Post # 1
I’m having 1 bridal shower at my future SIL’s house and my future Mother-In-Law has been nagging me about getting her a list ASAP so she can send out invites.
I’ve been procrastinating it because I can’t make a decision.
I need to cut down the list and I’m thinking of inviting only my aunts, friends and than my future MIL’s friends but I’ve been going back and forth on what to do.
It’s important for me to only have one shower and right now if I invite everyone I have 60 invites (and my SIL is only comfortable with about 30 to 40 people in her house).
my future Mother-In-Law says all of her friends HAVE to be invited, which is about 20 girls.
I need help with my decision.
I’m either going to invite all my cousins or none. I think my main issue is that I’m only close to a few of my cousins and I know those are the ones that can’t make it (out of town) and the ones that are local I don’t have much of a relationship with.
Post # 3
Why does it matter to you to have only one shower?
Traditional formal etiquette bars a well-bred person from arranging parties in her own honour or benefits for her own gain. Hence, traditional showers are arranged by a group of friends without the involvement of the honouree. Since gifts are mandatory from shower attendees, that being the premise of having a shower in the first place, and since demanding gifts is a dubiously-polite act requiring considerable sensitivity and tact, traditional shower hostesses invite only people who are sufficiently intimate with the bride that they actually want to shower her with gifts. The only way the hostess can know that about a guest, is to be close enough friends herself to be able to talk about potentially sensitivie subjects. As a result, traditional showers are inherently small and intimate gatherings: ten or twelve, or maybe up to a couple dozen guests gathering in the parlour of one of their number, and essentially co-hosting a party in the bride’s honour. Since traditional showers are small and intimate, and girls frequently have activities that bring them into several different small intimate circles of friends or relations, it is perfectly proper and traditional for those different groups of friends to hold separate showers.
What is not proper or traditional, is for the bride to take a hand, or even to take much interest, in organizing her own shower. The best response to various requests from maids of honour, co-workers, church ladies and maiden aunts who bring the subject up is “oh, no, I really don’t need a shower, and I wouldn’t want to be a bother.” They will go on and organize things anyway if they really want to, but the bride will look sweet and idealistic instead of controlling and materialistic.
Post # 4
Well first off…I would talk to your Mother-In-Law. My Mother-In-Law was adding all these people she wanted at the wedding but we are trying to keep it small and I told her no to some people because we already weren’t inviting people WE were actually friends with in order to keep in small. She completely understood but I’m also very blessed to have such an understanding future Mother-In-Law. Anyway, I think you should talk to her. Explain you would really like to have your cousins at YOUR shower but will not be able to invite who you want to celebreate with if she invites all her friends. If her friends REALLY want to be there they can throw you another shower! Or just tell her the limit on guests is 40 people and you have 35 on your list YOU REALLY want there. And she can pick a few of her friends without taking over your guest list. 20 people is a LOT of people to invite to a shower that’s not your shower…
Post # 5
I just re-read your post. You know your out of town cousins won’t come? How many people that you are inviting to you actually expect to be there? If the people you would actually want there aren’t even coming and you have a lot of in town cousins you don’t actually care about coming…I just wouldn’t send any of them invites…unless there are only a couple of in town cousins.
Post # 6
@jbarker09: Could you make the one at your FSIL’s house only family and see if a friend would host a shower with only your friends? You could do something more naughty ;). I am not sure why you don’t want two showers, i’m sure you have reasons, but it seems like two showers or possibly offending your Future Mother-In-Law by telling her to cut her list are really your only options.
Post # 7
Yeah, I would have two showers if your Mother-In-Law insists on having her own friends there, which I find really ridiculous. So you can either have two showers or cut your guest list of people that are important to you to accomodate your MIL’s friends.
Post # 8
I have 6 out of town cousins and about 4 that are local.
It’s just a personal preference about not wanting 2 showers and it’s already decided that we’re going to have one (wine tasting) bridal shower. I have 3 out of town bridesmaids too so it’s nice that i know they can make one.
Post # 9
Unfortuantly my future Mother-In-Law and step Mother-In-Law are not as easy. It’s been a fight the last 11+ months and they’re not budging on the people they’re inviting (my fiance doesn’t have any cousins or aunts ect. to be fair and I have a large family so instead they have a lot of family friends that they’re including and paying for)