(Closed) Bridal shower invites

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1696 posts
Bumble bee

Why does it matter to you to have only one shower?

Traditional formal etiquette bars a well-bred person from arranging parties in her own honour or benefits for her own gain. Hence, traditional showers are arranged by a group of friends without the involvement of the honouree. Since gifts are mandatory from shower attendees, that being the premise of having a shower in the first place, and since demanding gifts is a dubiously-polite act requiring considerable sensitivity and tact, traditional shower hostesses invite only people who are sufficiently intimate with the bride that they actually want to shower her with gifts. The only way the hostess can know that about a guest, is to be close enough friends herself to be able to talk about potentially sensitivie subjects. As a result, traditional showers are inherently small and intimate gatherings: ten or twelve, or maybe up to a couple dozen guests gathering in the parlour of one of their number, and essentially co-hosting a party in the bride’s honour. Since traditional showers are small and intimate, and girls frequently have activities that bring them into several different small intimate circles of friends or relations, it is perfectly proper and traditional for those different groups of friends to hold separate showers.

What is not proper or traditional, is for the bride to take a hand, or even to take much interest, in organizing her own shower. The best response to various requests from maids of honour, co-workers, church ladies and maiden aunts who bring the subject up is “oh, no, I really don’t need a shower, and I wouldn’t want to be a bother.” They will go on and organize things anyway if they really want to, but the bride will look sweet and idealistic instead of controlling and materialistic.

Post # 4
Member
70 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Well first off…I would talk to your Mother-In-Law. My Mother-In-Law was adding all these people she wanted at the wedding but we are trying to keep it small and I told her no to some people because we already weren’t inviting people WE were actually friends with in order to keep in small. She completely understood but I’m also very blessed to have such an understanding future Mother-In-Law. Anyway, I think you should talk to her. Explain you would really like to have your cousins at YOUR shower but will not be able to invite who you want to celebreate with if she invites all her friends. If her friends REALLY want to be there they can throw you another shower! Or just tell her the limit on guests is 40 people and you have 35 on your list YOU REALLY want there. And she can pick a few of her friends without taking over your guest list. 20 people is a LOT of people to invite to a shower that’s not your shower…

Post # 5
Member
70 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I just re-read your post. You know your out of town cousins won’t come? How many people that you are inviting to you actually expect to be there? If the people you would actually want there aren’t even coming and you have a lot of in town cousins you don’t actually care about coming…I just wouldn’t send any of them invites…unless there are only a couple of in town cousins.

Post # 6
Member
514 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@jbarker09:  Could you make the one at your FSIL’s house only family and see if a friend would host a shower with only your friends? You could do something more naughty ;). I am not sure why you don’t want two showers, i’m sure you have reasons, but it seems like two showers or possibly offending your Future Mother-In-Law by telling her to cut her list are really your only options.

Post # 7
Member
7652 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

Yeah, I would have two showers if your Mother-In-Law insists on having her own friends there, which I find really ridiculous. So you can either have two showers or cut your guest list of people that are important to you to accomodate your MIL’s friends.

The topic ‘Bridal shower invites’ is closed to new replies.

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