Post # 1
I got my invitation to my own bridal shower, one that invites some of my old friends from way-back-when, my new family, and my coworkers. I was shocked when the bridal shower theme was lingerie based (I’m not a lingerie type girl, I could really use some linens and household things… I’m a bit modest in that regard) and it included my size information.
She had asked for my specifics before (just in case anyone asked) so I gave them to her… But she put it right on the invite. I was shocked, and a bit upset.
I know this girl is doing me a favor, but I’m really mortified that it’s a lingerie shower, and I’m doubly mortified that my size information is on there for my associates to see.
I see bachelorette parties to be more of a “fiesty” nature than bridal showers. Bridal showers are preparing the bride for her new life, not just her new night-life… right? Or am I wrong?
I’m a bigger girl and I’m a little sensitive about my height/weight/size/hair color/the way I walk. I’m just a sensitive person all around and really easily embarrassed. Truth is, it’s brought me to tears and I don’t know how to fix it.
I’m just trying to tell myself that I have other things to deal with right now… and maybe my bridal brain is causing me to overreact and I shouldn’t cry over something this trivial. Ugh..
Post # 3
I completely understand how you would be upset about the personal information being broadcast. I think it’s frankly kind of a bizarre idea to print someone’s size info on a shower invite. I’ve never heard of such a thing (tho obviously some people have heard of it, or they wouldn’t have done it!). Even my fiance doesn’t have that info.
As for it being a lingerie shower, this sounds like a case of best intentions…. Even tho it’s not what you’d have most preferred, it was a blunder on the part of the person throwing the party — so try to focus on it as their mistake, and be generous to them. Try to put your focus on the fact that it’s still the intentions are what count.
After all, it’s great that all these people are interested in you, in your life, in your happiness. It’s great that they all feel this kindness for yo. That positivity is still true, even if the theme was a bit of a blunder.
Post # 4
I totally understand where you are coming from, but it’s totally normal for there to be size information on a shower invite. It’s not out of the ordinary at all. And, this is not meant to be mean in any way, but other ladies know what size you are (or approximately). Even though you find it embarrassing, there is NOTHING to be ashamed of.
It’s very unfortunate that you had no say in the matter – obviously, your friends want you to get into the whole lingerie state of mind (as you stated you are not that type of girl). Consider this an unsolicited way to spice up your wardrobe.
I think you are well on your way to feeling better about it by acknowledging why it makes you uncomfortable. BUT, remind yourself that the friends, family, and associates that attend the shower want to show their love and support for you.
If you are mortified with opening gifts in front of people, perhaps you can request that no gifts be opened at the shower (but be prepared for some backlash, as there is the expectation to open gifts).
Above all, remember that they are trying to do something nice for you, even though it’s certainly not what you envisioned.
IT WILL BE OK!!!! Hang in there!!
Post # 5
Thank you for giving me that perspective. It makes it tricky since she’s my brother’s wife. I had helped with their wedding so she wanted to throw me a shower as a thank-you for what I had done.
I just am in shock. The invite is in front of me, with my size (and my registry!) info right on it. I’m not miss-manners but I’m just in awe.
I guess there’s not much I can do, save running around and pulling the invites from people’s mailboxes. I’m just so embarrassed… Especially people I know in a professional light getting that info. It’s just an uncomfortable situation to be in. 🙁
I called my fiance and told him, and he about hung up and called her right then and there.. He suggested that I send an email that said “Hey, got the draft for my invite. Please be sure that my coworkers don’t get my personal information, thanks! it’s beautiful btw, thanks so much for doing this.”
It’s big time passive aggressive, so I veto’d that idea… I’m going to just try to let it go.
Post # 6
Oracle- that’s what I keep telling myself. Everyone KNOWS I packed on the pounds when I met my fiance. It’s not a surprise, it’s pretty much right out there for everyone to see anyway.
I’m just a bit confused… and I can’t help but wonder if it’s a backhanded way of being malicious. She knows I’m not the lingerie type gal… and she knew I was uncomfortable giving her that info… so sending it to all my gal pals? So mortifying.
Thank you for your kind words.. I just have to keep telling myself that the people who received those invites are my closest pals anyway, and while it isn’t something I wanted them to know, who really cares anyway? If they want to be catty and delight in my fatness, so be it.
Post # 7
Wow, so glad my BFF checked with me and oked the theme before she did anything!! That is not something that i feel is bridal shower appropriate (unless its just friends, then by all means go for it!). We’re doing a wine and fondue party, and my BFF did a great job on the invites, she knows me so well!!
Hopefully people will make the best of it, but it might have been a good idea to have her ok the theme with you before she sent everything out…
Post # 8
i would be PSSSSSSSDDDDDDD!!!!! times ten!!!
plus you said you dont want a lingerie party – be honest and tell her that it makes you feel uncomfortable and you really really want homeware stuff – i would
Post # 9
Thank you MrsSl82be. I really, really wished she had checked… this is really getting to me, and I’m really having a hard time dealing with this. I don’t understand how she could possibly think this was okay, especially being my sister-in-law, and having my family members there, and my coworkers…. Ick. Just ick. It just screams uncomfortable.
Post # 10
eloping- I am pretty agitated. I think I burned a trail through my floor pacing around in anger.
It’s just… ugh. I wish I had a rock large enough to hide under.
Post # 11
seriously, your stress levels will only get higher if you let those invites go out – do you really want the people you work with to know your underware size???
just ring her – say you love her for wanting to throw this party but the lingerie party makes you really really freaked out and uncomfortable and you want to enjoy the day, not be sick to your stomach with stress
sending hugs because as someone that is constantly struggling with my weight its a really personal thing and whether im my current size or 100lbs heavier (which i was) i dont want people to know the size of my knickers – heck, even my hubby doesnt know my panty size!
Post # 12
I think it’s totally bizarre to put a person’s size on an invitation. I’ve never heard of that at all. I definitely would be surprised and upset about it, too. I also can’t imagine doing something like that without asking first, like, “Say, you don’t mind if I put your bra size on this invitation, do you?”
Post # 13
I completely understand why you are upset. It is entirely possible that your SIL had good intentions here, but it is a really bad idea to throw a lingere shower for women with body-image concerns. That includes skinny girls who watch every crumb, in addition to women who are struggling with their weight.
As far as your SIL goes, does she generally treat you with respect? Or does she have a pattern of veiled insults?
If you have a very discrete friend, I would put her in charge of requesting that some guests ignore the theme and purchase household goods so that you can receive some gifts you will like.
Post # 14
I think friends should come up and ask you what size you are or else get you a gift card to the places you want them to bring presents from!
A gift card from Victoria’s S or Agent Provocateur (the new one I like) would work for me!
Post # 15
Wow…I am so sorry that happened to you. I’m a slim girl and an extrovert, but even I would have a problem with invitations that revealed all of that info. Even though your sister-in-law is throwing the shower, she definitely should have checked with you on the theme. Again, I’m a bit of an extrovert, but I would definitely feel weird opening lingerie in front of co-workers.
As a few have already said, I’m sure her intentions were not malicious. But I do think you should express to her that you’re uncomfortable. All you can really do right now is enjoy it as much as you can. Who knows, maybe now that you have lingerie you (and your future hubby) will learn to love it!
Post # 16
The thing is she sent me an email:
“I really really hate to ask this but I should know just in case people ask.. What’s your size info in case they want to get you honeymoon attire?”
And THEN PUTS IT ON THE INVITE! And doesn’t even ask me. Now the invites are in the hands of my coworkers and some friends I haven’t seen in ages, and my family.
It’s like she KNOWS it’s embarrassing, and does it anyway.
I’m no longer mortified, I’m seriously pissed off and angry now. But I’ve have to cool down because 1) She’s doing something nice for me and 2) she’s family. I don’t really have a choice.