Post # 1
I am very limited to the space at my ceremony/reception venue. We are getting married about 30 minutes away from our hometown. I have about 225 people on our list, but we can only invite about 125 or so. Alot of the 225 I want to be invited to my Bridal Shower… but is it tacky to invite them to the Bridal Shower but not to the wedding?
My cousin brought up that I could invite them to the shower and then send them an announcement that we were married with a few pictures from the wedding (our photographer will give us a few the next day if we have to do this).
Anyways— HELP! I don’t know what I should do 🙁
Post # 3
is it tacky to invite them to the Bridal Shower but not to the wedding?
Post # 4
To elaborate – if I get an invite to the shower, but not to the wedding, that says to me: “You’re good enough to shake down for gifts, but not good enough to witness my marriage.”
In general, a shower should be a smaller occasion that the wedding itself, because it’s supposed to be only those closest to the bride.
Post # 5
Anyone you invite to a bridal shower needs to be invited to the wedding. It’s extremely rude not to, and it makes you look gift-grabby.
Post # 6
@cdimont:I wouldn’t dare invite someone to a shower that isn’t invited to the wedding. It just screams “I’m greedy give me gifts!!” and “You’re not good enough to come to my wedding but give me shower gifts!”
Just don’t do it.
Post # 7
It just sucks… because about 90% of the ppl invited to the wedding are family. BAH! This sucks… and of course, I don’t want to be tacky but I’ve never done this and honestly don’t know how I’d feel if this happend to me.
Post # 8
People do weird things around here…. I guess I’m just not sure what “proper etiquette” is anymore.
Post # 9
If they know they aren’t invited to the wedding and still express that they want to go to your shower, you can do that. If they have no idea they are not invited to the wedding, it’s really rude.
Post # 10
@cdimont: I’m not trying to be a jerk, but you knew that when you picked the venue, right?
If you haven’t sent out save-the-dates, perhaps you could reshuffle so that some of cousins’ kids get dropped and some of your friends get added.
Post # 11
I agree that if people know that they aren’t invited to the wedding, but still express themselves that they’d really like to attend your shower, it’s ok on your part to tell them they can come, but I wouldn’t initiate the invitation.
Post # 12
How about having an engagement or post-wedding party in place of the huge shower? You’re having a mostly-family wedding. Or MapleBecky’s point is good – if they understand the situation and still want to come, awesome.
You could even spread the word that no gifts are required, you just want a celebration to include the friends who couldn’t be there at the wedding itself.
Post # 13
Well we did know it when we picked it… and after we paid the deposits and really sat down to draw up a guest list, we were like “rut row.” Part of it is money too…
I feel like an idiot honestly. I’m just trying to figure out a way we can involve everyone. I guess a huge party afterwards?
Post # 14
You can always invite them to the wedding but not the reception. Have another party later on or something at your new place.
Yes it is tacky to invite them to the shower and not the wedding. Good luck!
Post # 15
I have been invited to a batchellorette and not the wedding and I had fun, but I knew I was just there to make up numbers 🙂
Post # 16
@cdimont: Just to make you feel like you aren’t crazy…
I lived in NC for a long time and people actually did do this. So I get why you are asking the question. I don’t know if its a regional thing or what, but I was invited to two showers when I lived there and never received an invite to either wedding.
I personally wouldn’t do it, though; I was kind of offended when that happened, especially because I went to both showers.