Post # 1
I’m having some bridal shower issues and need advice. My cousin asked me to be in her bridal party for her wedding, which is coming up this New Years Eve. Anyways, I received an email a week ago from her Maid of Honor, telling us bridesmaids we each have to chip in $250 for the bridal shower. She said that her and the Mother of the Bride had booked a catering hall for 70 guests, and that the $250 would cover the plates and favors, etc. I asked if it would cover some sort of “group gift,” and she replied, saying no, that we would be doing a group gift in addition to the $250. I was a bit surprised that they had planned everything without asking our opinion, and that that mother of the bride (my aunt, who i see all the time) never mentioned anything about it before this email. I wrote back, saying that I thought it was a bit high (especially considering there are 10 bridesmaids in the party), and that I was stressed for money right now. I said that I would like to contribute, but wasn’t sure if I could give as much as they were asking. I feel bad but I just bought a house, I am in another wedding party and hosting my sister’s baby shower this year, and the other expenses ($240 dress, $200 bachelorette party, wedding gift, hair, makeup, etc.) are adding up to more than I was prepared to spend. We are all in our twenties, so we’re not making big bucks yet. Anyways, this started a huge argument with the mother of the bride (my aunt).. she sent me a nasty email, and cc’d the maid of honor (who I’ve never met before). Now I am mortified, as all the other girls have signed on to this, and I am the only one who seems to have an issue with it. It also seems that this has ruined my relationship with my aunt. The part that is most upsetting is that when I was married two years ago, my cousin (the bride) was asked to throw in $100 for a group gift as my bridesmaid, and she was outraged over it. Now I’m not sure what to do. I am not on speaking terms with my aunt, and my cousin is completely unaware of the situation (at least I think she is, I don’t want to bring it to her attention and stress her out!)
What should I do? Am I being unreasonable?
Post # 3
Wow that price seems completely unreasonable. Why do they have to have a shower with 70 people? Granted it seems like their wedding is on the larger side since they have 10 bridesmaids but I really think that all maids should be asked about planning things like that before being asked to pony up $250 for the party, plus probably a ton more for the gift, dress, transportation, and other wedding extras. And that is crazy that the same cousin was angry about only having to put in $100! I wonder if she doesn’t realize what the price for her shower is going to be!
Post # 4
I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. They didn’t ask for your opinion or budget and went ahead without confirming that everyone was happy to pay $250 (which seems like a LOT to me especially between so many people). You have been upfront and polite about it. I’m not sure what you can do now but I wouldn’t back down – presumably your cousin asked you to be in her wedding bc she cares about you, not bc she needs your money. Good luck with sorting it out!
Post # 5
I don’t think you are unreasonable at all!! $250/bridesmaid x 10 = $2500…..
What are they doing for food/favors/how much is the venue? I would politely ask for the breakdown of costs…..People need to respect over’s financial obligations and relaize that not everybody is in the same boat financially. It shoul have been discussed prior to see what people are comfortable w/ spending and ideas should have been brought forth w/ different price ranges BEFORE anything was booked.
I am in a wedding and the Maid/Matron of Honor asked us each to contribute $150 which will cover the costs of the venue, food, favor, and some of the Bachelorette Party that night. We are pissed because we don’t know the breakdown of the costs and haven’t been included in any of the planning. The invites went out and we weren’t even mentioned as hosting the party – just her (MOH) and MOH’s mother……..PISSEDDDDD!
Post # 6
I don’t think that you are being unreasonable. I think that the moh and mob are being unreasonable. They can’t just assume that everyone can afford to spend that much.