(Closed) Bridal shower- limiting grooms family invites to SIL and MIL

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
3265 posts
Sugar bee

@Ozziebee:  First you need to change the name from a shower.  A shower is a mandatory gift giving event.  Perhaps a luncheon is better term.

 

There is nothing wrong with the host drawing up the guest list, though given that it is only 6 people I would probably try to find a way to accomodate your new family, especially if it is very important to them.

Edited to add, that there is also nothing stopping his family from hosting a shower if that is what they want.

Post # 4
Hostess
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

I agree it’s more of a luncheon.

I think it’s fine to only have your SIL and Mother-In-Law. I would note though, if your Mother-In-Law wants to throw another shower you’ll be kind of obligated to attend. 

Post # 5
Member
1589 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

So you’re not inviting them because they are noisy and “take over?” Meh. I don’t like it. You’re marrying him so they’re going to be your family now too. 

My family doesn’t have a lot of money and IF they throw me a shower I will go to heaven and earth to give them a small guest list. That said, I know that I will have to eliminate some friends and close coworkers while making sure to invite some of his aunts and cousins. Some of whom I really don’t know at all, but he does. 

I know that the shower is for the bride but there should be a decent amount of his family invited too, because they are now your family.

Post # 6
Member
2192 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I agree with PP.

Talk to your Fiance and explain that your Maid/Matron of Honor cannot host a larger party so people will have to be eliminated.  Inviting the two is a courtesy invite.  If they would like to throw you a shower for their side of the family they are more than welcome.

Post # 7
Member
8694 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Ozziebee:  since you are having this event the day before the wedding, there isn’t too much time.

tpyically the Maid/Matron of Honor and bridesmaids host the first shower and they can invite who they want.  the Future Mother-In-Law can then host a second shower for anyone who wasn’t invited to the first.

why doesn’t your Future Mother-In-Law host a second party for you and then anyone from his side of the family can come.  and you can make it coed so your Fiance can be there.

Post # 8
Member
350 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

I think it’s kind of rude to only invite his mother and sister when you’re having around 30 guests from your side. I think that feelings will get hurt and problems may arise. Afterall, by the following day, they will be your family too…no since in starting off your marriage with his side being mad at you. 

Post # 10
Member
7738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Ozziebee:  Yeah I would omit the name bridal shower. We don’t really do bridal showers in Australia anyway, do we? Not in my circles anyway.

By sisters in law I assume you mean your FI’s brothers’ wives? If you are inviting FI’s mother and sister then I think you should invite them too. They’re married so they’re adults. But skip all the nieces, they’re not adults. Even if some of them are technically adults by being over 18, I think you can safely omit them because they’re a different “level” on the family tree.

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