Post # 1
My sister who is my Maid/Matron of Honor and my best friend Briesmaid want to throw me a Bridal shower/kitchen tea at my mother’s house. It will be a bit non-traditional since I am not wanting presents (I already have a house set up so just wanting friends/family to bring handwritten favourite recipes or a blessing) and it will take place the day before the wedding as to ensure friends of mine who are travelling from O/seas for the wedding and interstate can attend.
Here is the thing, My Fiance has 6 nieces and 2 sisters-in-law who are teenagers to adults and whilst they are very nice people and I get along with them well, they are noisy and tend to take over wherever they go because it is such a tight knit family. I will honour my Mother-In-Law by asking my Maid/Matron of Honor to invite her and my SIL but don’t want to invite all the other young girls and women in my FI’s family. My guest list with the women in my own family and friends will total 30 people and that is more than enough for our standard 3 bdm house to take.
Firstly, am I being reasonable?
Secondly, how do I break it to my Fiance that we won’t/can’t host all his women family for my bridal shower?
The good news is that after the bridal shower (that evening, which is the night before the wedding) ALL wedding guests are invited to a casual restaurant dinner out (like a rehearsal dinner but less formal).
Post # 3
@Ozziebee: First you need to change the name from a shower. A shower is a mandatory gift giving event. Perhaps a luncheon is better term.
There is nothing wrong with the host drawing up the guest list, though given that it is only 6 people I would probably try to find a way to accomodate your new family, especially if it is very important to them.
Edited to add, that there is also nothing stopping his family from hosting a shower if that is what they want.
Post # 4
I agree it’s more of a luncheon.
I think it’s fine to only have your SIL and Mother-In-Law. I would note though, if your Mother-In-Law wants to throw another shower you’ll be kind of obligated to attend.
Post # 5
So you’re not inviting them because they are noisy and “take over?” Meh. I don’t like it. You’re marrying him so they’re going to be your family now too.
My family doesn’t have a lot of money and IF they throw me a shower I will go to heaven and earth to give them a small guest list. That said, I know that I will have to eliminate some friends and close coworkers while making sure to invite some of his aunts and cousins. Some of whom I really don’t know at all, but he does.
I know that the shower is for the bride but there should be a decent amount of his family invited too, because they are now your family.
Post # 6
I agree with PP.
Talk to your Fiance and explain that your Maid/Matron of Honor cannot host a larger party so people will have to be eliminated. Inviting the two is a courtesy invite. If they would like to throw you a shower for their side of the family they are more than welcome.
Post # 7
@Ozziebee: since you are having this event the day before the wedding, there isn’t too much time.
tpyically the Maid/Matron of Honor and bridesmaids host the first shower and they can invite who they want. the Future Mother-In-Law can then host a second shower for anyone who wasn’t invited to the first.
why doesn’t your Future Mother-In-Law host a second party for you and then anyone from his side of the family can come. and you can make it coed so your Fiance can be there.
Post # 8
I think it’s kind of rude to only invite his mother and sister when you’re having around 30 guests from your side. I think that feelings will get hurt and problems may arise. Afterall, by the following day, they will be your family too…no since in starting off your marriage with his side being mad at you.
Post # 9
Hi, thanks for all of your opinions and your honesty. I am still not sure what to do about this. It is in lieu of a Bachelorette party AND a Bridal shower, just meant to be an afternoon tea for my family and friends. One of the main things is that I would like to be able to share it with my intimate friends and be able to speak on a personal level about how I feel about becoming a a bride and marrying my Fiance and some of those feelings are not ones I want to share with my noisy (to be) nieces and sisters in law, who are very kind, but not discreet. But I don’t want to offend my Fiance and his family.
It’s a pickle !!
Post # 10
@Ozziebee: Yeah I would omit the name bridal shower. We don’t really do bridal showers in Australia anyway, do we? Not in my circles anyway.
By sisters in law I assume you mean your FI’s brothers’ wives? If you are inviting FI’s mother and sister then I think you should invite them too. They’re married so they’re adults. But skip all the nieces, they’re not adults. Even if some of them are technically adults by being over 18, I think you can safely omit them because they’re a different “level” on the family tree.
Post # 11
Thanks Paula for your comments and again to everyone else… I’ve talked to my Mum about this one, who will be kindly providing her house as venue and she agrees with pretty much all of you… that I should invite my Fiance sister, mother, sisters in law and nieces as to “play it safe” and make sure there are no hard feelings on the wedding day. I have piece of mind about this, knowing that I have family backing and support.
And yes, we will be making sure it won’t be named “shower” anywhere, probably more along the lines of “Girls’ afternoon tea” or similar