(Closed) Bridal Shower Misconduct!

posted 10 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

Oh my, I can’t believe she would act like this.  Remind her gently that this is your friends day and not hers, and she needs to get with it and make sure her friend is happy!  My best friend is opening up her pocket book, design expertise and everything in between to help me with my wedding.  She needs to remember this is the brides time and not hers, and how much the bride will appreciate it and want to return the favor when its her time

Post # 5
278 posts
Helper bee

I know it can be frustrating when two people can’t see eye to eye on something. Is she in a financial crunch?  Because if she is, it’s totally understandable that she has to budget herself wisely. 

I know showers are all about the bride, but I feel likt-it’s thrown by the generosity of others.  The bride may want this and that at their shower but if they are not paying for it, I don’t think they should request this or that.  Some bms are able to budget themselves very well for their bm roles but others can not afford to.  If you really want to add the cake and petite fours, perhaps you and the other bms can share the costs as part of the bride’s shower gift.

Post # 6
1205 posts
Bumble bee

I’m with pinkparfait – Maybe if you just accept her $100.00 and let the others know, then you will be granted a little more "freedom".  Maybe not.  Some people you just can’t please!  Keep the bride happy and do the southern thing (lol) handle this maidzilla with grace and grit your teeth through your grin.  It only works if you say "bless her heart" after you say something about her…  Good luck.

Post # 7
1078 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

I understand her budget, a shower shouldn’t be too pricey.

However, she should be offering to pitch in wherever needed! A homemade cake would save quite a bit of money, and she could get creative with decor and favors.

Has there been any conflict between her and the bride lately? It sounds like something has happened to turn her in the other direction…or maybe she’s just frustrated that the shower cost is balooning.

Post # 9
220 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

She did agree to host the shower and her house and that should maybe be factored in as part of her contribution. 

Post # 10
398 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2009

I know you are frustrated with her but I would really consider having a talk with her.  Remember she is being kind enough to host the event at her house, which can be a huge burden in itself, ie cleaning before the shower and after, decorations, etc. 

You may find that she is frustrated simply by the fact taht she is not getting the support she needs from the other BM’s (as you mentioned that you in fact live out of town).  Maybe one or some of you can take on additional duties by ordering the cake/petit fours/etc anything you can do via phone, or have one of you the designated go-for. 

On top of all this she may be financially stretched and while you say she is well off, this is all relative, she and her family may have some other financial strains which could be the cause of frustration.

Just try to be open minded and remember she is doing a service in letting you all use her house.  Have a heart to heart and maybe the frustration will clear!

Good Luck!

Post # 11
7052 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

If she wasn’t prepared financially to help host a shower, then she should not have stepped up to the plate.

Is this woman a recent bride?  She may be having the "I’m missing the spotlight" syndrome ya know..

I’m nice..but sometimes even my southern-ness takes a backslide to my fiesty side..I swear I could almost imagine if I were at the shower I’d say "wow..isnt’ this great?  And she only used 100 bucks to put this great party on!"

Shame on me!!!

Post # 12
2204 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I agree with those who said that her offering up her home could be considered more of a contribution, and she could maybe contribute less monetarily.

At this point, communicate, but I would keep the peace wherever you can to avoid drama.  You don’t want the bride feeling like her shower was a hassle and a pain for one or both of you.  Hopefully you will be able to work with this Bridesmaid or Best Man to create a shower that works for both of you and for the bride!!

Post # 13
375 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

I would argue that $160 per person is a lot to ask a person to contribute to a shower; as someone who is planning a June wedding and is a Bridesmaid or Best Man in a July wedding, I have had to be cost-conscious when planning my friend’s shower/bachelorette. You can still have a wonderful time without spending a lot of money. Can you DIY some items like flowers, decorations or cake? Can you accept that her opening her home for the shower is part of her contribution (as others have suggested)? As someone who just had 2 showers recently, I honestly can’t say that I remember a whole lot about the details/deocr/dessert of any of them. What I remember most was having so many people I love together in  1 place! It doesn’t sound like she’s(the BM) going to budge on the money issue(it sounds like she has a tight budget, regardless of her income); you may need to think outside the box on this one.

Post # 14
521 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

You know, I think we could really easily see this post, too:

I am throwing a shower this weekend for a very dear friend and one of the bridesmaids is trying everything in her power to ruin it. At the begining of this process she was all normal and excited. Then she did a total 180, I feel like I am dealing with 3 people in 1! The bride wanted both petite fours and a cake, but I’m on a really tight budget and just can’t afford it.  I under stand that she wants to give the bride everything she wants, but come on! She knows I can’t put out more than $100 for the shower, because I told her. I wish I could dis invite her, but she’s helping plan it!  She lives out of town so I generously offered my home, but I guess that’s not good enough because now she is like maidzilla! I am so frustrated with her! I have tried the nice way but I think the gloves are about to come off!

She’s told you what she can do, which I think is really generous, and you just keep demanding more from her.  It’s not like she’s totally slacking, she’s factored the shower into her budget (just not to the extent you want her to) and she’s having it at her home.  Really, you’re being just as bad as you think she is.

Post # 15
521 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

And wait… did you just say you asked their accountant what they make??  Or that their accountant volunteered that information to you???

Post # 16
2640 posts
Sugar bee

I’m sorry she was Ok with the plan at first, then changed her mind.  That is aggravating.  I hear ya there.  Maybe SpaceC06 is on to something.  Maybe she feels like she’s doing things or has a burden that other BMs don’t ahve.  Also, I agre with the othes that since she is hosting, she could easily get a dispensation to pay less. I also agree that $100 should be enough for a shower.  It’s at someone’s house, not the Ritz.  You can easily save money by making appetizers and desserts. 

I’m sorry the bride wants a lavish bridal shower, but unfortunately, she doesn’t really get to say.  I’m hoping she chose the girls she wanted to be in her Bp because she’s close to them, not because they have bottomless purses to pay for her shower.

Also, I feel really uncomfortable with the fact that you somehow know how much they make based on this accountant friend.  If I knew her, I would be telling this bridesmaid to get a new accountant.  Even if you think you know what they make, it really isn’t anyone’s business to pass judgment on how much she allocates to someone else’s wedding.  Maybe she doesn’t have to pay for medical bills for a sick child or anything, but even being in other weddings can take a chunk of change.  And just because she said yes to your friend first, doesn’t mean that she should have to say no to other other friends getting married.  Maybe she knew a while ago they would be getting engaged and tried to budget accordingly.  (And again, I don’t think that offering $100 for this shower is anything to sneeze at.  Especially since she has other financial considerations and is hosting a home shower.)

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