Post # 1
My mom and sisters are planning my bridal shower and have been asking me a lot of questions about the guest list.
They asked for my advice on who to invite. I had thought that every woman invited to the wedding should also be invited to the shower so I said to invite everyone.
My mom and sisters say that it is rude to invite someone who you know will be unable to attend the shower because it will seem like you just want a gift. So they want to only invite the women who are fairly close (I’m in CT, so only the surrounding states – MA, NY, and RI).
But my fiance’s family is spread all over the country. He has aunts and cousins in OH, WA, NM. Only inviting the surrounding states would mean that some aunts and cousins are invited and some aren’t.
So…finally, here is my question…
Is it rude to invite someone who you don’t think will be able to attend or is it rude to not invite some family members?
And a follow-up…If there are some people who you don’t think will be able to attend, should you include a note saying that they shouldn’t feel obligated to send a gift if they can’t come?
Thanks for any feedback!
Post # 3
@katmarmat: I don’t think a shower is the same as a graduation or wedding. At those big events, I would send a gift even if I couldn’t attend. However, for a shower I think most people would bring a gift only if they were able to attend. I think you’re fine to invite everyone if that’s what you want to do and you do not need to include a note. (In fact, I think including a note about gifts at all could backfire and seem greedy in itself. Like “If you’re not coming don’t feel obligated to send a gift… but if you are coming you best be loaded down!” ya know?)
Post # 4
@katmarmat: I’d still invite everyone and leave it up to them if they choose to come. I’ve had my feelings hurt on several occasions were I have not been invited and I would have gone. Save the chance of hurting anyone’s feelings.
Post # 5
Thank you both for responding. I really appreciate your advice!
To confuse matters, I just found out that my mom has already booked a place for the shower and it can’t hold everyone if all the people who are invited actually come.
In my mom’s defense, she’s used to the bride’s side throwing a shower and the groom’s side throwing a shower.
Post # 6
I would do it differently actually. I think it is a bit gift grabby to invite people to a party thats sole purpose is to give gifts when in all liklihood they couldnt come.
However, if you are close to some people that are distant then I would invite them. If its only your fiance’s cousin, then skip the invite.
Post # 7
i am not inviting every female invited to my wedding. i gave my list to my Maid/Matron of Honor who is planning it. the list has all female family members from both sides, all my female friends, and the female friends on his side that i am friends with.
as far as gifts, the point of a shower is gifts. if someone cannot attend because of travel, they can decide for themselves if they want to send a gift or not.
invite who you want there and then the guest should decide if they want to go or not.