Post # 1
The more I think about my bridal shower the more I want to talk myself out of it. I was really excited about the idea of having one. I wanted to be a part of as many prewedding vestivities as possible to celebrate getting married.
My Maid/Matron of Honor has agreed to help throw the party. I told her that my close family will probably help provide food and my future mother in law as well. Only one other bridesmaid’s will probably help. Two haven’t responded to or commented on helpping.
Although, they don’t do any planning. I mentioned before wanting to have it sometime in June because the end of the summer will be busy with actual wedding stuff and I’m a college student so I’ll be getting ready to begin classes again. Nothing was planned.
I don’t want to be pushy because I can only contribute a little bit of my money since I have so many wedding expenses. My Maid/Matron of Honor and I have very different tastes and she has never thrown any kind of party before or even been to a wedding. I’m the control freak in my group of friends so I’m trying to relax.
We’ve tried to get together twice to plan, but all of the work is put on me. I’ve been searching for venues, thinking of themes, thinking of food, and everything. She says that she isn’t contributing due to her lack of experience, which I understand, but I don’t have any either. I’ve told her a thousand times that there is no rule book to follow and when in doubt I just look online. I want to be a part of the process, but I don’t want to do EVERYTHING. I already have a lot on my plate to plan.. It doesn’t seem like she likes my ideas, but it isn’t my money. She listens, but some how molds what I say into something I don’t like…
Should I save myself the stress and say forget it? It kind of makes me sad, but I don’t know how to make this any easier.
Post # 3
I meant to post this under parties…
Post # 4
Well first thing if this a party for you, you shouldn’t pay anything. The first bridal shower I planned I was 22 hadn’t been to any weddings as an adult yet, and I got and needed a lot of help from Mob, so it’s a learning curve and your Maid/Matron of Honor can do it.
You have been in the drivers seat controlling this, when really you should have little to nothing to do with it. It’s quite possible you made this more stressful then it needed to be for your Maid/Matron of Honor and she feeling intimidated by the process. I think the most you should have done is put her contact with your mom. Then it would be up to her to ask the bms to help or contribute, up to her to figure everything out. I do think she would keep you in mind, however it’s ok if she has different taste then you, it’s a party she hosting in your honor and it’s not the time to be nit picky.
You shouldn’t be so invovled in the planning process of the shower, and I think that what causing your Maid/Matron of Honor not to take the reins, I also would be hurt and have issues if the bride was that controlling and critical. If you are going to get upset over the shower the yes dont’ have it. If you go forward with it, it’s time to take a big step back let your Maid/Matron of Honor and Mother be in charge of it and actually plan it. Remind yourself to be thankful that she is doing this, and be prepared for the fact that you may not love every aspect of the party.
Also keep some perspective and remember at the end of the day it is really about spending some good quality time and gaining support from the women important to you during this exciting time in your life. Everything else is secondary.
Post # 5
Usually the bride doesn’t have anything to do with planning her own shower. Can you ask one of your family members to be involved? Or more of your bridesmaids? It sounds like your Maid/Matron of Honor is having trouble handling it on her own, so maybe you can ask someone else to please help her out?
Post # 6
I think if I were you I’d just let it happen. It may not be exactly what you want but honestly it’s a party in your honor…thrown by your MoH…and you aren’t supposed to be involved in pitching in and planning, etc.
I just told my MoH if she wants to throw one great, but if it’s too much of a financial strain, don’t worry about it. She asked me how picky I was about the food but that was it.
It turned out UBER femenine, like a dream almost….I myelf am a bit more trendy/edgy so it came out differently than If I would have planned it……but still it was sooooo LOVELY!
I mean, what more could I ask for?? The food was great too…I said I really didn’t have a preference but they did fruit and cucumber sandwhiches and stuff like that…sooo yummy.
I think my only regret was having very few people show up. I think only two of my BM’s really helped with the planning of my shower…the others came, so that was nice.
Post # 7
You definitely should not be helping plan OR pay for this party. It is a gift-giving event for you, so it is not appropriate for you to contribute anything apart from a guest list, maybe some food choices and possible themes.
Let your friends and family plan the shower that they can afford and feasibly run.
Post # 8
@TwoCityBride: Thanks for your advice. I have a hard time not being in control of things and since she admited to not knowing how to plan it I’ve been worrying ever since. My mom isn’t helping, but some of my other family is so hopefully it all works out. 🙂
@Beckster329: She’s asked other bridesmaids, but no one has shown a lot of interest except one. Hopefully once the planning gets started more of them will be interested.