Post # 1
Nobody was stepping up for the bridal shower and the bride was going to throw herself one so I offered to do it, I asked the Maid/Matron of Honor to co-host with me and she agreed. Nobody has a house or space big enough so we have to rent a venue. We had our first “meeting” and it went all kinds of wrong. The groom was there and questioned my choice of venue. The Maid/Matron of Honor wasn’t invited. Ideas were getting thrown around with no price limit in mind. Another bridesmaid openly questioned the Maid/Matron of Honor being the Maid/Matron of Honor. Most of the stuff the bride told me she wanted have now changed. The guest list stands at 40 people, but the bride feels like she forgot people. I did a rough price check and this shower is going to cost around $1,000.00. I was hoping to keep it $500-$700 so some changes will have to be made.
My questions are since the Maid/Matron of Honor and I are the ones paying so far can I nicely tell the other bridesmaids, groom, and bride that I’ll hear their suggestions, but the Maid/Matron of Honor and I have final say?
Can I cut the bride out of planning?
Can I cut the other bridesmaid out of planning if they don’t want to help pay? Can I cut her because I can already tell we’re going to clash?
Do I let the bride know that I have to keep this at a reasonable price so I’ll have to take it down a few notches?
Post # 2
Whoa whoa whoa. I think your first mistake was having a “meeting” about the shower. If you and the maid of honor are hosting, you two should be planning it without any input. The bride will be the guest of honor, but she is still just a guest and not a host!
Let her know how many people you are budgeting for, and tell her she will have to get her list down to that number.
Then, stop asking her or the groom’s opinion on anything. As for the “venue”, the VAST majority of showers I have been to have been in the host’s home, which is much much more budget friendly. That might be something to consider. If it means you can’t invite 40 people, that’s okay! Most showers are NOT that big. You are doing a nice thing for your friend, but you are not obligated to put yourself in debt over it. Host the shower you can afford, and if the bride isn’t happy with it, tell her you don’t have to host anything at all.
Post # 3
First I want to say how nice it is that you took on the responsibility of planning the shower when no one else wanted to! Second, I really don’t think a bride should be involved in the planning of her own shower. Maybe tell her that you really don’t want her to have to worry about details pertaining to the shower and assure her that you have it under control. As for the other bridesmaid, I 100% think that since she is not contributing to the cost of the shower she should not be involved in the planning.
Post # 4
Yes, you can do all that. Pretty sure you know why no one was offering to do it before, eh?
The bride and groom are out of line. Hosting a shower is a gift you are offering. She doesn’t get to dictate the terms of that gift, you do. If that means you can only spend $300 dollars and host 12 people in your house, then that is what you offer and if she doesn’t like it then she can politely decline your offer to throw a shower and wait for someone else to step up and offer her a shower that is more in tune with what she wants (she’ll be waiting a long time).
As for the other bridesmaid, if she didn’t offer to co-host, then there is no need for her involvement. The only involvement of the bride and/or groom should be a list of people to invite up to the number you are willing to host and making sure she is free that day. Anything else should be if you ask (i.e. you want her input on food or decor or theme, etc.).
So I would start over by figuring out what you and the Maid/Matron of Honor can afford and are willing to host and then offer that to the bride. She can accept or decline. Then the two of you who are hosting can start planning.
Post # 5
agree with the above
also, ideas to keep it budget friendly. do you know anyone in an apartment or townhouse community that has a clubhouse? usually they are really cheap, like $50 and under to rent. but you would have to have your friend in that community rent it for you.
second. are you a member of costco, bjs, or sams club? i’m most familiar with costco. but we used them to cater my son’s 1st birthday and we get trays from them all the time. costco has really nice sandwich trays.
you could also do brunch. have bagels, cream cheese, make mini egg cups (eggs and cheese in mini muffin tins), tots, fruit, and a few desserts. we just did this for my son’s second birthday.
Post # 6
Why wasn’t the Maid/Matron of Honor invited to this meeting? Did I read that right? That seems really weird…
Post # 7
The meeting was to set a date and time, get a guest list, and I do want her input on food because she’s picky. I didn’t know the groom would be there. I also didn’t expect the other bridesmaid to pick apart my ideas.
Doing it in mine or the Maid/Matron of Honor home is not an option. I don’t want to use the bride and grooms home because there’s so much to work around. My mom can rent us a hall for $50 and I basically can decorate however I want. I’d rather pay the $50 for a clean slate and not having to answer to someone else.
I’ve already started simplifying the menu and decorations to be more budget friendly. I’ve asked the Maid/Matron of Honor what she’s comfortable contributing. I’m going to talk to the bride after work and let her know she’s out and the other bridesmaid is out.
Post # 8
llevinso : This is part of a bigger issue. The bride didn’t invite the Maid/Matron of Honor and I didn’t think it was my place to invite her because it was at the bride’s house.
Post # 9
It was totally inappropriate for the bride to say she would host herself, effectively pressuring you into stepping up. Don’t fool yourself, that’s exactly what she did.
That said, the host or hosts plan the event and set the budget. Not only do you not have to involve other bridesmaids, you shouldn’t, unless they offer. No one is obligated to host a shower.
A shower is traditionally supposed to be a low key, intimate event. You can limit your party to the bride’s closest friends and immediate family or however you wish. If anyone told me I was required to host to their specifications, I would immediately step down.
Post # 10
I’ve never heard of a bride choosing who throws her a shower. Although you are hosting for her, it’s your party, not hers. Ask for the matron/maid of honor’s help. Use her color scheme maybe, but you throw what you want to.
Post # 11
Host it at a pub or restaurant (check around, there’s always places that have no booking fee) so there’s no venue rental fees, then everyone can pay for their own food & drinks.
Post # 12
I agree with PPs. Either the bride needs to step out of this situation and let you do as you see fit, or she needs to find someone else to plan her shower who has unlimited funds and time.
Post # 13
It said a lot to me when you said the bride was going to throw her own shower. I would bow out at this point, and let someone else figure this out.
If you choose to continue, only those paying get a say. She can give you a guest list, but that’s it.
Post # 14
Tell the bride that if she is not happy with the shower that you can afford, you will be happy to cancel it altogether. Once you have a date and a gues list from the bride ( you tell her how many guests, not the other way around), do not involve her any further in planning.
Post # 15
burtonbridesmaid : What? That’s so ridiculous. I’d assume the Maid/Matron of Honor is the bride’s best/very good friend, no?
I’m getting the feeling this lady is a big bridezilla and it’s no wonder she’s trying to plan her own shower.