Post # 1
Let me start off by admitting that I am a bit of a control freak. I like to know what’s going on and be able to prepare for things in advance.
Many months ago I told my sister/MOH that I would prefer not to have a bridal shower as I hate surprises and don’t want to be the center of attention. She told me “too bad” and “suck it up”. Finally after many tears and me giving in, we agreed that I would have a shower but it wouldn’t be a surprise. She asked me what I would prefer for a shower so we wouldn’t have to go through further drama. Now, my shower is on Sunday I’m finding out that they didn’t listen to a single one of my requests.
Most of the requests aren’t too big of a deal and I don’t care that they decided to go a different route. In the long run I realize those little details don’t really matter, but one issue is REALLY bothering me. I requested that I be allowed to arrive when the party starts along with the guests. I’m extremely uncomfortable with the idea of walking in with all eyes on me, watching for me to react to the surprises they have in store. I tried to express to my sister how uncomfortable this makes me. I’m filled with anxiety and when I think about it I feel sick to my stomach and I’m losing sleep over it. She yelled at me and told me that if I showed up early I was going to “ruin everything”. I don’t understand how this is ruining everything since I asked for this simple request from the get go.
I know that I’m lucky to have caring friends and family members who are willing to throw me a shower. I feel greatful and blessed to have them in my life but I’m extremely frustrated that they aren’t making an effort to change their plan slightly to make me more comfortable. I really don’t think I’m asking for much. I tried talking to my mother to see if she would talk to my sister but all she said was that she didn’t know what to tell me and that I should stop being a little brat.
All I’m asking is to be comfortable at my own bridal shower. I’m not trying to be a brat and I am appreciative of what they are dong, but shouldn’t the bridal shower be about what makes me happy and comfortable?
Post # 3
yep, the bridal shower is all about you, which means the attention is going to be all on you- regardless of when you come in the room. is it possible for you to get there a little earlier than they want you, but not go into the party room? if you are able to greet some guests beforehand it might calm your nerves? if not, you’re going to need some wine. lots of wine…
Post # 4
- Wedding: January 2010 - Trinity Presbyterian Church/Harrison Opera House
It sounds like you’re fighting an uphill battle with getting them to change anything. Maybe the best approach will be to mentally prepare yourself for walking in. You could have someone walk in with you so that you’re sharing the spot light. You can practice your entrance and mentally go through what you’re going to say, how you’re going to walk into the room etc. Remember that this isn’t a room full of strangers, it’s a room of people that you know and are comfortable with.
Post # 5
I second the idea of walking in with a friend. Maybe that would put you at ease a little. I also second the wine idea 🙂 Sounds like they’ve got a plan and they aren’t willing to budge on that part. It sucks they didn’t go with your request, but just think of it this way – it’s really such a brief moment in time in the grand scheme of things. You might be uncomfortable for a few minutes at most. And I hate to say it, but you’d better get used to the idea of all eyes being on you, cause that’s what’s gonna happen at your wedding…
Post # 6
I agree with the earlier posts. The attention is going to be on you — no matter when you arrive. Like spwingal mentioned, I would just try and mentally prepare. Just remember that the initial “shock” of having all eyes on you when you enter the room is over in about a second.
Post # 7
Could you compromise, and show up after they have set everything up (perhaps they want you to get the full impact of the decorations, etc), but before all of the guests arrive? I arrived to my shower a little early, and it was great for me to be there to greet the guests as they arrived.
Perhaps they could all get there 10 or 20 minutes earlier to start the decorations a little earlier, so there is some breathing room after they finish but before the guests arrive for you to show up!
Sorry to hear that they don’t seem to be listening to you. You know they are throwing the shower out of love, but it can be very difficult when someone gets so caught up in the excitement that they don’t listen to what would truly make us happy!
Post # 8
They probably just had tons of fun planning little things that they thought would make this day special and want to share it with you in their own way.
I think it would be best to try to take some of the other girl’s advice and practice or think about and prepare how you will act. One other thing to think about will be your wedding day. How will you handle the attention on that day if the shower is difficult. Just try to enjoy it, it’s a once in a lifetime exciting process.
Post # 9
I second the getting a friend to walk you in idea. I walked my best friend into her shower. Although I walked into my bridal shower alone (I don’t mind being the center of attention). But, no matter who you walk in with, you will be the center of attention and honestly, this will be great practice for you before the big day–when you are definitely going to be the center of attention but with more people. They probably have great things in store for you and don’t want to ruin the surprises–and the room will not be filled with strangers but people there who want to wish you well. I think the friend is a good compromise and practice.
Post # 10
I think I agree with the others. Think of it this way, this is a test run for your big day! Also, once you walk in and start mingling it will go by so fast you wish you had more time to enjoy the party!
Post # 11
I agree with everyone. all attention is on you all day regardless whtehr or not you want it to be. USe it as practice for the wedding. Honestly. Better to be a wreck at the shower than at the wedding. Tuthfully, I walked into my shower after everyone else (not aSURPRISE! type of thing, I just happened to be late bc I was meeting the priest) and honestly, nobody made a fuss. They were all standing around, talking, drinking, eating apps, etc. It wasnt a big deal. Eyes go on you during the games and gifts, there is no way around that. Your BMs are having fun planning this for you, they’re excited. Let it be and enjoy it 🙂
Post # 12
I felt weird about this too, my Mom wanted me to walk in after people had arrived and I wanted to just be there already. (The shower was in my parents’ back yard)
It turned out that I had a wardrobe malfunction and ended up having to fix it and got to the shower a bit late. (I was getting ready inside my parents house, so I was technically there, just not where the people were). When I walked outside, the people right near the door, said hi to me and I sort of mingled around from there.
Maybe you could talk your sisters into a situation where you arrive late and just sort of join the party, not have everyone jump at you and yell “surprise”, I don’t even know if thats what they had in mind.
Honestly though, it wasn’t that bad, I promise!!
Post # 13
I recommend champagne and cranberry juice to get you relaxed for a fun shower! Just go with the flow and have a nice time – I love being the center of attention but did feel a little uncomfortable with 20 women watching me open gifts. However, I got great stuff and liked all of it – and me being excited came through in all of my words and actions so that everyone fed off this and had a great time, too.
Post # 14
u re being a really big drama queen… and so is ur sister, if u really do not want one just tell her… lol hahaha and if she really needs to give it to you why cant u be surprised? u do know u ll be the center of attn at ur wedding, right? but ultimately, she needs to respect ur decision not to have a shower if its making u loose sleep I would see a doctor maybe u need some valium
Post # 15
Can’t you just make this one exception? It can’t be that bad , especially if you know everyone already. The uncomfortable feeling will only last minutes and it will make your guests happy. I only say this because like previous posts said, the attention is going to be on you anyways.
Have fun with it !