Bridal shower/ wedding date conflicts!?!

posted 2 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
7806 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Some people place greater importance upon birthdays than others. A few birthdays mattered to me for the actual day–16 because I could drive, 21 because I could drink. Otherwise I would happily host an event for someone else on my birthday knowing that I could easily celebrate my birthday another day if at all. Obviosly you don’t feel the same. Is it possible the bride may be more like me and not understand how much importance you place upon celebrating your birthday on the actual day? 

Post # 3
5046 posts
Bee Keeper

You have a birthday every year.  She will be getting married (hopefully) once.  She had zero obligation to okay her wedding date with you.  The fact that you seem to think your birthday and the days around it are to be reserved and are untouchable to others is some pretty high level self-absorption.

She has two families worth of schedules to balance when picking a date.  Unless it is your sweet 16 (and even then), steadfastly adhering to it being on the day seems borderline immature.  Life happens and you will have a lot of shit happen around your birthday that makes not celebrating on the day feasible in the years to come.  You may want to get comfortable with that idea sooner rather than later.  Your celebration will be just as happy on another day.  

That said, if you don’t want to cancel your plans, then don’t.  You aren’t required to throw her a shower.  Did she say why she wanted it that date?  My guess is likely because family is coming in and it is convenient for them to have it all in one weekend.  But she can wait for someone to offer throwing her a shower on her preferred date if you prefer to not change your plans to host the shower.

Post # 4
2846 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

I’m assuming you’re a grown woman so I guess I don’t see the big deal? I’m sorry to be blunt, but no one really cares about an adult’s birthday unless it’s a milestone (ie 21, 50, 100). I do find it odd that she wants her bridal shower to be the day before her wedding though. I would be way too stressed to even enjoy it. 

Post # 5
1629 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

For me, I don’t see birthdays as a big deal outside of the big ones: 18 (could drink), 21 (dunno why this is a big deal in Australia), and the decades (30, 40, 50 etc). Unless you’ve booked some huge event and it’s a massive shindig, I genuinely wouldn’t care less. In fact I would welcome a distraction – I don’t want to remind myself I’m getting older ha. 

Mountains out of molehills mate. You get one wedding (hopefully), but a birthday every year. I would recommend a big dose of concrete.

Post # 6
31 posts

Unless it is a BIG birthday (16,21,40,etc) to me a birthday is just another day. As Maid of Honor I would assumer you are her best friend, and this is her WEDDING!! I would be excited to spend my birthday celebrating friends!

As a guest though I would be annoyed to bring a gift to a shower on Saturday and then show up to a wedding on Sunday with another gift. Are they having a rehearsal dinner as well? As a Bridesmaid I would want Saturday to be able to get my nails and Spray tan done. Also, I feel like the bride with have a million things to do the Day before her wedding.  

Post # 7
9101 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
neveah66 :  I don’t know any grown-ups who care that much about their birthday. The part I don’t get is why she wants her shower to be the day before her wedding. That’s the wierd kinda-hard-to-believe part. All the showers I’ve ever been to or planned were ~4-6 weeks before the wedding. Even the weekend before seems odd, but day before? I’ve never heard of that. 

Post # 8
1012 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I only cared about 16, 18, 21, and 30. And I felt silly caring about 30. It is ridiculous to expect her to plan her wedding around your birthday. I also kinda think it’s ridiculous that you had a birthday planned out before they set their wedding date. Unless it’s a big one. Then *maybe.*

You need to celebrate on another day. How long is her shower anyway? Could you celebrate after? Also, if this birthday is such a big deal you would want your friend there? And you can’t expect her to be free the day before her wedding. Reschedule it. 

Post # 9
108 posts
Blushing bee

How old are you turning?  How old is she?  That may help us understand.

Post # 10
760 posts
Busy bee

Wait, is she having the bridal shower the day before the wedding or the week before the wedding?

The two events being that close together is bizarre. Perhaps that’s a regional or cultural thing I’m unaware of. Where I’m from it’s usually a month or longer before. 

Post # 11
1700 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

I did my bridal tea/shower 2 days before the wedding.  I really wanted all my sisters there and it made no sense for the 2 out if state ones to fly in for the shower alone.  No regrets,  it was totally worth it and a lot of fun.  

Bee,  I do feel you are not obliged to host the party for her if you prefer not to move your birthday festivities. 

Post # 12
3235 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

Just celebrate your bday the weekend before. Having all events on one weekend is nice for out of town guests.

Post # 13
1207 posts
Bumble bee

On the face of it, yes overreacting and selfish. I love celebrating my birthdays but couldn’t give a s**t if it’s celebrated on a day other than the actual day itself. You’re lucky your birthday landed on a Saturday this year, what would you do if it’s a weekday? Why can’t you just celebrate the weekend before?

What did you already have planned? If you’ve booked flights and accommodation to go somewhere, fine, just tell her you can’t come to her bridal shower because you already booked things that can’t be cancelled, but if it’s literally just plans of the day, a year ahead, why can’t you move it? 

As PP said, you have your birthday every year, she only get married (hopefully) once and need to consider everyone else’s schedule not just yours.

Post # 14
7693 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

Yikes, what happens on years when your birthday falls on a weekday? Most adults don’t really place any significance on the ACTUAL day of their birthday; they celebrate them when or if they can. Real life takes precedence over celebrating your birthday ON your birthday.

Post # 15
5419 posts
Bee Keeper

View original reply
tobeornottobe7 :  That was my first thought. The shower is the day before the wedding?! That sounds so stressful. 

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