Post # 1
So I just want to see if I’m over reacting and being selfish or if I have a reason to feel some type of way about this .. so my best friend is getting married! Which I’m super excited about . Shes a great person and I really like the man shes with . He truly loves her and her kids . And I want nothing but the best for her and want her to be happy . We’ve been BF for about 5 years now . Iv been there thru it all ! Literally … iv been there thru the ups and downs with her previous marriage .. everything ! Even tho despite how close we are … the issue that’s been bothering is her and her new man have finally picked a date for their wedding but it just so happens to fall on my birthday weekend… which I was okay with at first because my birthday is on a Saturday and thier wedding is on that Sunday. So I figured me being her Maid/Matron of Honor I’m responsible for the bridal shower planning ect….so when I approached her about doing her bridal shower the weekend before my birthday/ her wedding day she simply said . Well it’s not your not your wedding day and I want to do my bridal shower that Saturday before .. which is my birthday. So now I have to pretty much cancel all my birthday plans either to the weekend before or after to accommodate her wedding plans … I just feel like there are 365 days in a year… and you just so happen to plan a wedding date on the same day as my birthday… is that selfish or am I just being a brat and selfish myself ? Idk how I feel I haven’t spoken to her about this because I dnt want to cause drama or seem like I’m “jealous ” or ruining her wedding day because I’m not ! It’s just I dnt want to feel like I have to cancel my birthday plans . Mind you if had my birthday plans planned out way before they even decided a wedding date/ bridal shower date !! Please any advice would help at this point… let me know what you guys think . Thanks!
Post # 2
Some people place greater importance upon birthdays than others. A few birthdays mattered to me for the actual day–16 because I could drive, 21 because I could drink. Otherwise I would happily host an event for someone else on my birthday knowing that I could easily celebrate my birthday another day if at all. Obviosly you don’t feel the same. Is it possible the bride may be more like me and not understand how much importance you place upon celebrating your birthday on the actual day?
Post # 3
You have a birthday every year. She will be getting married (hopefully) once. She had zero obligation to okay her wedding date with you. The fact that you seem to think your birthday and the days around it are to be reserved and are untouchable to others is some pretty high level self-absorption.
She has two families worth of schedules to balance when picking a date. Unless it is your sweet 16 (and even then), steadfastly adhering to it being on the day seems borderline immature. Life happens and you will have a lot of shit happen around your birthday that makes not celebrating on the day feasible in the years to come. You may want to get comfortable with that idea sooner rather than later. Your celebration will be just as happy on another day.
That said, if you don’t want to cancel your plans, then don’t. You aren’t required to throw her a shower. Did she say why she wanted it that date? My guess is likely because family is coming in and it is convenient for them to have it all in one weekend. But she can wait for someone to offer throwing her a shower on her preferred date if you prefer to not change your plans to host the shower.
Post # 4
I’m assuming you’re a grown woman so I guess I don’t see the big deal? I’m sorry to be blunt, but no one really cares about an adult’s birthday unless it’s a milestone (ie 21, 50, 100). I do find it odd that she wants her bridal shower to be the day before her wedding though. I would be way too stressed to even enjoy it.
Post # 5
For me, I don’t see birthdays as a big deal outside of the big ones: 18 (could drink), 21 (dunno why this is a big deal in Australia), and the decades (30, 40, 50 etc). Unless you’ve booked some huge event and it’s a massive shindig, I genuinely wouldn’t care less. In fact I would welcome a distraction – I don’t want to remind myself I’m getting older ha.
Mountains out of molehills mate. You get one wedding (hopefully), but a birthday every year. I would recommend a big dose of concrete.
Post # 6
Unless it is a BIG birthday (16,21,40,etc) to me a birthday is just another day. As Maid of Honor I would assumer you are her best friend, and this is her WEDDING!! I would be excited to spend my birthday celebrating friends!
As a guest though I would be annoyed to bring a gift to a shower on Saturday and then show up to a wedding on Sunday with another gift. Are they having a rehearsal dinner as well? As a Bridesmaid I would want Saturday to be able to get my nails and Spray tan done. Also, I feel like the bride with have a million things to do the Day before her wedding.
Post # 7
I don’t know any grown-ups who care that much about their birthday. The part I don’t get is why she wants her shower to be the day before her wedding. That’s the wierd kinda-hard-to-believe part. All the showers I’ve ever been to or planned were ~4-6 weeks before the wedding. Even the weekend before seems odd, but day before? I’ve never heard of that.
Post # 8
I only cared about 16, 18, 21, and 30. And I felt silly caring about 30. It is ridiculous to expect her to plan her wedding around your birthday. I also kinda think it’s ridiculous that you had a birthday planned out before they set their wedding date. Unless it’s a big one. Then *maybe.*
You need to celebrate on another day. How long is her shower anyway? Could you celebrate after? Also, if this birthday is such a big deal you would want your friend there? And you can’t expect her to be free the day before her wedding. Reschedule it.
Post # 9
How old are you turning? How old is she? That may help us understand.
Post # 10
Wait, is she having the bridal shower the day before the wedding or the week before the wedding?
The two events being that close together is bizarre. Perhaps that’s a regional or cultural thing I’m unaware of. Where I’m from it’s usually a month or longer before.
Post # 11
I did my bridal tea/shower 2 days before the wedding. I really wanted all my sisters there and it made no sense for the 2 out if state ones to fly in for the shower alone. No regrets, it was totally worth it and a lot of fun.
Bee, I do feel you are not obliged to host the party for her if you prefer not to move your birthday festivities.
Post # 12
Just celebrate your bday the weekend before. Having all events on one weekend is nice for out of town guests.
Post # 13
On the face of it, yes overreacting and selfish. I love celebrating my birthdays but couldn’t give a s**t if it’s celebrated on a day other than the actual day itself. You’re lucky your birthday landed on a Saturday this year, what would you do if it’s a weekday? Why can’t you just celebrate the weekend before?
What did you already have planned? If you’ve booked flights and accommodation to go somewhere, fine, just tell her you can’t come to her bridal shower because you already booked things that can’t be cancelled, but if it’s literally just plans of the day, a year ahead, why can’t you move it?
As PP said, you have your birthday every year, she only get married (hopefully) once and need to consider everyone else’s schedule not just yours.
Post # 14
Yikes, what happens on years when your birthday falls on a weekday? Most adults don’t really place any significance on the ACTUAL day of their birthday; they celebrate them when or if they can. Real life takes precedence over celebrating your birthday ON your birthday.
Post # 15
That was my first thought. The shower is the day before the wedding?! That sounds so stressful.