Post # 1
so the original plan was to have a laid back shower at our house, my Maid/Matron of Honor and i were just planning on diong decorations and having my mom and aunts cook yummies for the sunday afternoon party.
last night, my ever so generous Future Mother-In-Law, offered to pay for the shower to be at a banquet hall or restaurant. she said “it’s your special day, you’re only gona get married once, don’t worry about the money, and let’s go browse places!” (*SWOON, i love her!!)
after letting down my mom (she’s TOTALLY thrilled for me, but it still hurts when you can’t do the things you want for your only daughter because of lack of money)
i talked to Maid/Matron of Honor and started readjusting our plans…
but, now i’m confused, my Maid/Matron of Honor and i are still gona plan it (as Future Mother-In-Law doesn’t have time), but should the invites say my Maid/Matron of Honor and mom are hosting, or that Future Mother-In-Law is hosting (since she’s paying for the venue/food?)
Post # 3
The invites should probably say that your Maid/Matron of Honor and Future Mother-In-Law are hosting because technically if you follow the etiquitte rules, your family shouldn’t host a shower because it looks like they are trying to get you presents, something like that. Some people would say even your Future Mother-In-Law shouldn’t be the host. A lot of moms and sisters are more like behind the scenes hosts though. Just let your mom know that you know and appreciate everything she is doing for the shower, but you just left her name off for appearances sake. And put your MOH’s contact info for rsvps if she’s cool with that.
Post # 4
I don’t think the shower invites have to be so formal as to say who is hosting. I usually assume whoever is taking the RSVPs by phone is hosting. I would put all three numbers on the bottom. A lot of people’s mom’s throw the showers now. The no-mom-shower thing was from back in the day when brides came with dowries and it looked as if the bride’s family was gathering up a dowry through the wedding shower.
Post # 5
I wouldn’t even put who is hosting it on the invite….I would put something like “You’re invited to the Bridal Shower for (insert bride) and then give the details about the event as far as location, time, theme if there is one, etc.
In my sister’s case…the BMs are throwing the shower. Usually it’s a non-family member that hosts showers (bridal, baby, or other) for reasons already stated by posters above me….
Post # 6
I agree with whitesonnet. Also, it will make your mom feel special if you are able to include her like that. As you said, she is probably hurting from not being able to give you everything she’d like to.
Post # 7
thanks for the clarification bees, i really need to start reading my wedding book on all this etiquette stuff! just so easy not to, when i have the WB! 🙂
Post # 8
I don’t get why your inlaw’s family isn’t throwing you a separate shower. Generally you have at least 2 showers – one with your family and one with your fiance’s family.
My mom hosted mine. Screw etiquette. Everyone else in my bridal party and family seemed to screw ettiquette for me and didn’t bother to step up to host. My mom was the only one who cared about giving me a shower.
My husband’s aunt threw the shower for his side of the family.
In general I don’t think it really matters who hosts the shower. And you don’t need to formally put on the invites “Hosted by….”
Post # 9
Personally, I think you should include the names of your hosts, they deserve the credit! It sounds like your Future Mother-In-Law & Maid/Matron of Honor will be doing most of the work, whether it be financially or physically, so I would put their names on the invitation so that way its a written way to appreciate them.
Plus tell you mom not to feel bad, typically its the Bridesmaid or Best Man or family friends, and often FMIL’s that host showers 🙂