Post # 1
My best friend and I want to throw a bridal shower for our other best friend but are concerned about the cost. The majority of her bridal party is out of state where her family lives so she is having a seperate shower there. We wanted to throw her a local one with our friends and co-workers but the cost for having it a restaurant is a lot. We don’t have the optoin of having it at a home. I had heard that etiquette when having a shower at a home is that the hosts pay for it all. But if you are having it at a restaurant it is ok to ask the guests, even non bridal party members which they all would be, to chip in about $20 each or so in order to give her a good shower. Any one have any thoughts on this?? thanks!!
Post # 3
All the showers I’ve been to have been paid by the hosts.
Instead of having it at a restaurant, does someone you know have a party room in an apartment building or a condo that you could rent? It’s usually free for residents.
Post # 4
that could be a possibility but it’s not the type of shower that she’s into. she more than anything wants a casual lunch (appetizers) at a cool restaurant and not as generic as a room could be? thanks for the suggestion though! 🙂
Post # 5
I have been to one shower at a restaurant and the hostesses paid the entire tab. It would be kind of weird as a guest to be expected to bring a gift and pay for my own food. I would do it but it would definitely cause me to cut back on the gift.
Post # 6
I don’t think you can ask guests to pay. If you personally know everyone on the list you could send everyone an email and ask who would like to go out and celebrate for the bride and then say how much it would be.
Post # 7
I don’t know too much about wedding etiquette. However, is the wedding out of state too? I ask because if a lot of the friends and co-workers that want to celebrate are not going to the wedding, they might be more than happy to pay for themselves to celebrate her getting married.
I wouldn’t however ask them to pay $20 or whatever up front. Collecting the money while getting RSVP’s will be a pain in the long run because you have to collect and then plan with the $$ that you do receive…
I would keep it casual with an e-vite sort of thing to apps or dinner at the restaurant of your choice in celebration of your friend. You can get a private room at the restaurant. Restaurants are usually very accomodating if you give them enough notice and are compromising. Maybe they can come up with a special pre-fix menu that you can put on the invitation with the costs next to it.
All in all, the more “girls night out to celebrate” you keep it, the more upfront the message of “pay for yourself” will be. And that way it’s not a “shower” that you’re breaking etiquette for.
Does that make sense at all?
Post # 8
yes makes perfect sense… make it more informal so it’s not odd that they pay for themselves. thanks 🙂