Bridal Shower with a little in-law drama! What's the etiquette?

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
509 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

Is Future Sister-In-Law or FMIL’s friend’s going to be invited to the wedding?  If not, then it’s not proper etiquette to invite them to the Bridal shower.  Invitations to any wedding event should only be open to individuals invited to the wedding.  

I don’t know any of the details regarding what went down with Future Sister-In-Law, but if she really makes you that uncomfortable, do not invite her.  If your mother has a problem with this, then you take care of the guest list yourself and invite who you want.

Post # 3
Member
83 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

I think you have to invite family to the bridal shower. I feel like it is about both you and your fiance. I feel bad for you though that stinks. Sounds like a bad situation

Post # 4
Member
4578 posts
Honey bee

Presumably your fiance will also be benefiting from the gifts you receive at this shower.  I would invite Future Mother-In-Law.  FSIL is a toss up depending on the nature of the offense.  

Mostly I just came to say I would cut Future Mother-In-Law some slack on the “sides” thing.  These are both her children and for whatever faults she has she probably finds it really hard to choose one over the other.  No parent raises their children in the hopes they’ll be estranged and she’ll be forced to choose one over the other.  And no matter what you think of Future Sister-In-Law, that is her child whom she raised and loves unconditionally  (hopefully) – so she is probably taking the line of whatever will let her keep relationships with both children.  If one child is more hotheaded and would cut off all contact, then siding with that kid and hoping the other is more levelheaded may be the more reasonable approach.  Or maybe she truly believes the sister is justified in whatever it is, but my guess is a lot of it is unconditional mom goggles.  And yeah, it sucks when she tries to push a relationship on you that you don’t want, but it is probably far less about her believing someone is truly right or wrong than it is wanting both children to get along.  And that might mean trying to make excuses for one or cajole the other into admitting fault.  Raising a family and then watching that family become estranged from each other is hard.

Post # 7
Member
509 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

mrscb2bee :  I’m definitely on your side.  Don’t invite anybody that you don’t want there.  You don’t need any of that added stress.  It’s not worth it.

Post # 8
Member
6834 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

Are the FMIL’s friends invited to the wedding? If so, your Future Mother-In-Law can throw her own shower and invite those people.

Though, if you mom is willing, I don’t really see the harm in inviting these guests… I get your beef with the Future Sister-In-Law, but what did your FMIL’s friends do? Or are you just mad at your Future Mother-In-Law because of this whole sister issue and want to punish her by not allowing her guests at your shower? Would your Future Mother-In-Law be the ONLY person from that side that would be included in the shower? Or would other family members on your FI’s side be there as well. 

Post # 8
Member
9733 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

Don’t invite FMIL’s friends and don’t invite Future Sister-In-Law.

It’s your Bridal shower. It should be the people you want there.

Post # 10
Member
6828 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Showers are supposed to be an intimate gathering of your nearest and dearest. Not randos your Future Mother-In-Law is friends with. To me, inviting them (and in general a ton of people) looks like a total gift grab. 

Post # 12
Member
5567 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

mrscb2bee :  

That’s It? She wanted to walk away with half of the profit, you said no, and you haven’t spoken in 13 months and want absolutely nothing to do with her? Yeah, she was entitled and you were right to say no, but you cut her out forever for it?

Am I missing something? I thought she was verbally abusive or something, the way you were talking about cutting her out of you and your fiances lives forever.

Invite or don’t invite whoever you want, just be prepared to face the consequences.

Post # 14
Member
6448 posts
Bee Keeper

mrscb2bee :  What does your Fiance think of all of this?  If he agrees he can tell his mother that he doesn’t want his sister there.

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