(Closed) Bridal shower woes- am I being ungrateful?

posted 4 years ago in Parties
Post # 2
Member
458 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

Tough situation.  I would consider a third option, cancel the shower and you host a luncheon (not a shower) before the wedding to celebrate.  Asking someone to throw a shower for you isn’t cool, so I wouldn’t approach your other bridesmaids. 

Explain to your sister that a shower on the Wednesday before the wedding, and a far location, isn’t going to work out logistically.  But you are so grateful for the bachelorette party she is hosting and can’t wait for her to be there for your wedding.

Post # 3
Member
1200 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

View original reply
applesandspice :  Perfect answer! This seems to be the best of both worlds. You’ll get to celebrate with everyone you want to, your sister will still throw your bachelorette, and your friends from college won’t be asked to host you a shower (a no-no). 

Post # 4
Member
6397 posts
Bee Keeper

She’s taking the time to throw you a shower.  Either ask her to cancel it if it’s not what you want or go to it.  I get that she has a tight budget and some of her things are not what you want but she’s throwing you one.

Be grateful to your sister for throwing one even if it’s not the kind you want.

Post # 5
Member
5423 posts
Bee Keeper

The only thing that would bother me is that it’s a Wednesday. I don’t like going to events like this in the middle of the workweek. It’s stressful for the guests who work then go then work the next day. 

Post # 8
Member
322 posts
Helper bee

It seems like she’s doing it this way because she wants it to be nice for you but she’s also on a tight budget. Not everyone can afford to pay for a full lunch/brunch for a lot of people. Also if it’s a Wednesday I’m sure a lot of people can’t come anyways. 

I think the idea about hosting something yourself (that isn’t a shower) with your own money is a great idea if you want a party with more people.

Post # 11
Member
6308 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY

“but she has a tendency to put herself first”

This comment about your sister on the first sentence of your post really rubs me the wrong way.

Your sister is hosting you the way she can afford, even in the midst of her personal situation.  She is also hosting your bachelorette.  That is not putting herself first.  Since a shower is a completely optional thing, as is the bachelorette, I would be infinitely grateful and looking forward to spend time with my sister. 

Post # 12
Member
9105 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
missjoy0819 :  Can you give some more details about the timing and locations involved?

  • When is your sister arriving from Australia into the US? 
  • When is the bachlorette, and when is the wedding?
  • The shower is in your FI’s hometown so I presume that’s where most of his guests live, where do most of yours live?
  • Why does everyone need to be in the wedding city starting Tuesday?
Post # 13
Member
6397 posts
Bee Keeper

View original reply
missjoy0819 :  It may be valid to you, but to an outsider you sound a slight ungrateful.  Having it on a Wednesday may not be the best but it’s clear that’s what she can afford.  I’m not saying you’re wrong for how you feel, it’s your feelings, but I think your sister is struggling to throw you a nice shower without breaking the bank.  Since she may be paying money to be in your wedding as well.  So that’s twice as many expenses as she may not be able to afford.

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