(Closed) Bridal Shower woes

posted 14 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
38 posts
  • Wedding: August 2008

I think that you are fine to insist on it being on the weekend.  Explain that it would be too difficult for you to make on a weeknight, and that if the person who wants the option of going away for the weekend was unable to attend, so be it (which, honestly, is such an incredibly selfish thing to request…I mean if she already had plans and the dates conflicted that’s one thing, but this is ridiculous.)

As for the guest list, yes, she should have told you sooner that she would have to limit it to 16 (which, honestly, sounds crazy small, my parent’s house is a small 3 bedroom cape, and we had like 45), but that is sort of under the bridge now.  Maybe you could suggest that the BMs have a personal shower or just a presents-free lunch?


Post # 4
65 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

This is a tough one… but I think that the people who offered to throw you the shower should have considered the time when a shower is typically thrown– the weekend– and who usually gets invited to these things.

Most people work, so a weeday night might be inconvenient for your guests. Is there a way that you could suggest that to your hostesses without sounding ungrateful?

Also, it’s tradition to invite all female members of the wedding guest list that you are close to (i.e., you don’t have to invite a female that your Future Mother-In-Law put on the guest list if you don’t know her)

Maybe you could politely mention that throwing you the shower seems like too much of a hassel for her schedule and that your bridesmaids would be more than happy to take over. Tell her she can still be included in the planning, but make it sound like you’re handing over the responsibilty of the party to benefit her.

Or, send in one of your bridesmaid to sort of act as an advocate for you during the planning process. If it’s necessary to cut the list down to 16, then maybe your advocate could at least argue for it to be on a weekend on your behalf.

Post # 5
380 posts
Helper bee

this is what i would say to her:

"i understand that hosting this shower might be a burden for you given that your house can only hold 16 people and the only convenient times for you would be on a weekday.  while a small, intimate shower sounds lovely, most of my guests and i work on weekdays and would be unable to make it.  why don’t we put the responsibility of planning and hosting the shower back on my BM’s so that they can come up with a time and location that works for us and you can just sit back and enjoy the shower as a guest?"


Post # 6
8 posts
  • Wedding: November 2008

I think it should be on a weekend–and just invite your extra friends anyways.  Who cares if a few more people show up.  This is your bridal showwer–not the hosts!

Post # 7
2 posts
  • Wedding: August 2008

If things aren’t working out the way you want them to, then I think you should have your BM’s throw you the shower instead. Let your mother’s friend know that her schedule and preferences aren’t really working out with your schedule and that it might be a better option for your BM’s to throw a shower for you instead. She should be able to understand where you’re coming from, especially since your schedule and preferences should go on top of everyone else’s.

Post # 8
199 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

WOW I hope you are able to read my email before you make a HUGE mistake.  You have no right to dictate the terms of this shower, period.  In a perfect world she should accommodate you but she is doing this for you and you should be gracious and say THANK YOU.  Even if it is not the way you would like it and even if it becomes inconvenient!  Be gracious, say thank you and by all means do not try to interfere with your hostesses event, yes it is your shower but you are not the hostess.  You do have the right to decline but beyond that anything else is horribly poor form!  You are hardly the first bride to be faced with this exact situation, just the first I know of to get really bad advice!  Pick up an etiquette book people!

Post # 9
796 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

Something similar happened with me and BOTH my showers actually. I had to be firm on dates and times, I appreciated greatly that pople were throwing me a shower but my take on it is – if you’re going to ask me (whom the party is for) what I want and when I want it then things should be manuevered around me, not other people.

In my case my Mother-In-Law wanted to keep moving my party because my SIL couldn’t be ther eon time, and then have it at 7 pm, when she lives an hour out of the city because of my SIL – I was raging angry…she’s had her parties…she’s not doing anything for this one…absolutly not.  

The co-hostess sounds a bit rude and I would suggest the host find someone to take her place in helping. Asking you to take off work early, which I’m sure would be needed as well as most your guest list…is just insaine.

A bridal shower should be a bout the BRIDE. And if they don’t want to know what she wants when she wants it – they shoundn’t ask. How rude to say "Invite who you want" and then come back with "Well sorry now I can only do this" I doubt very much only 16 people fit in her house, it’s summer spill out to the yard. Have it at another persons house.  

I say go with Emilees idea of what to say to her and just make sure it goes that way. This party is seeming more like she wants to have a party at her house and invite her friends, rather then support and celebrate your time, byu letting you do it with the people who matter most to you.

After all, the party is for and about you. 


Post # 10
99 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

Whatever you do, DO NOT "just invite your extra friends anyways." That is so incredibly rude. I would just cut my guest list to make it my mom’s other friends that might know the hostess and maybe a few friends of your Future Mother-In-Law. Go to the party whenever she might hold it and be thankful that she thought to throw you a shower. Then ask your BMs if they would still be willing to throw you a shower and invite your friends to that one. You do not get to dictate the terms of a party someone else is hosting.

Post # 11
210 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2008

I agree totally with prettykatie.  And if you end up only inviting 10 people, and then only 5 come because it is a weeknight, oh well.  You are not the hostess so don’t stress yourself out about it.  Then if you still want a full shower, ask your BMs if they are willing to hold one.

Post # 13
454 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2009 - Bernardo Winery

I’m glad to hear that everything worked out 🙂

The topic ‘Bridal Shower woes’ is closed to new replies.

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