(Closed) bridal shower yay..not!

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
93 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I dont really feel this way, but if I did I would try to set up the shower in a way that I wouldn’t have to be the complete center of attention for hours!  Open the presents in private. Provide “crafts” or wedding related stuff for the guests to do…i.e. advice scrapbook page.

Post # 4
771 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@sharky:  How do you feel about a Jack and Jill?  IF you do this you need to choose the right venue because, let’s face it – Dudes don’t want participate in the shower part!  For example, you could host it at a sports bar so the guys could do their thing (i.e. drink beer and watch a game) while you and the female guests could do your thing.  This is assuming your host is willing and able to pay for the extra male guests.

If that’s not feasible I say do the one shower.  Ask your Fiance if he is willing to compromise and be with you ONLY during the gift opening.  If not, FINAL SUGGESTION – open gifts WHILE everyone is eating so you don’t feel like all eyes are on you.

Either way, I wouldn’t forgo a shower.

Post # 5
396 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

i understand. I am the same way–luckily no one is throwing me one….

Post # 6
1724 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1998

@sharky:  Is it too late just to tell everyone you absolutely don’t want one? My mother-in-law kept trying to push a wedding shower on me. I don’t like the idea of endlessly drawing out one milestone. The engagement parties, bridal showers, wedding day, then anniversaries and doing the vows a second time around – some people draw out one event in their life for years. It’s one thing if it’s between the couple, but involving the whole family…whew. Like you, I hate being the center of attention.

I told my mother-in-law that our registry was small enough that people could just bring gifts. It was a lot of expense, and a lot of travel, for people to make a bridal shower. Stand your ground. If people fought with me that much, I’d even say, “Well, I will not be attending a bridal shower, so the decision is up to you.”


Post # 7
12247 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

I’ve been to a Jack and Jill shower… It was awful! 30% of the people in the room (the men) OBVIOUSLY did not want to be there, and kept making these AWFUL off-color jokes about marriage and “Can we got to the strip club, now?” and “Where’s the booze” jokes. It was BAD.

Post # 8
322 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I’m not having one because A) we have a houseful of new things and B) I hate going to them, I hate everything about them. I just don’t find them enjoyable, and really don’t feel like pushing that on anyone else.

Stick to your guns and let your registry be for wedding gifts. There is no reason to stress yourself out!

Post # 9
960 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@sharky:  I would suggest trying to find ways to take the attention off you or make it easier. During games you don’t need to be centre of attention at all which makes it much more relaxed and then during gift opening have the “Gift Bingo” with cards with items from your registry (and other possible items that you didn’t registry but are common gifts) on htem and have guests mark them off as you open it and have small prizes for people that get a line. That way although oyu’re the focus, you’re also not. It helps keep others entertained and they do small side convos because you always want to know how close your neighbor is to getting Bingo if you really want it 😉

Post # 10
268 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I also get nervous around people I don’t know very well.

One of my favorite tricks when I’m nervous is the “buffer”: When you have to chat with people you don’t know well, include someone you do know (and who is outgoing) in the conversation. You will be able to allow them to carry the conversation. Then, after a few minutes, you can then excuse yourself to do something else, like circulating. After all, you are the bride, so no one expects you to have deep conversations with any one person, as you have to circulate and say hi to everyone!

When I’ve been to showers before (I haven’t had mine yet), we’ve always played games and served food during the gift opening. That way, everyone had something to do, and the bride didn’t feel like all eyes were on her.

Also, I’ve always seen the bride surrounded by her bridesmaids during gift opening, so it wasn’t like she was alone up there.

Maybe some of these ideas would make you feel more comfortable at your shower?

Post # 11
523 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013 - Callanwolde Fine Arts Center

We had a Jack and Jill shower since my FI’s family friends wanted to host a shower for us. I wasn’t about to sit in a room full of women I didn’t know and open presents, so I asked if it could be a couples thing. It ended up working out really well for us and it was actually a ton of fun.

The shower was at one of their homes and there was plenty of food and beer/wine, so everyone was happy.

Post # 12
382 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I was, I was!  And I ended up loving mine.  I was very clear about how much I hate being the center of attention and the hostesses did the best they could to make the situation relaxed and less ‘on me’.  The guest list was very small – there was no inviting every woman invited to the wedding.  We had it at a sports bar/pub and we just sat at a big, long table and ate lunch.  I sat in the center on a long side (NOT the head) which allowed me to both talk to more people and feel less in the spotlight.  NO games, period – though I would have been okay with some of the ones that people above are talking about.  The opening presents was a little awkward but my sister sat next to me to help and hammed it up a bit so the focus was a little more spread out.  I really had a great time and was sad when it was over.  Figure out ways to make yourself more comfortable and then express those things clearly and in a ‘I really appreciate what you’re doing but I’m nervous.  Could we do X and Y so that I can relax and have fun?’ way to whoever’s in charge.  Hopefully, they’ll be understanding.  I feel like most people hosting given the choice of ‘Can we do this so I can relax’ or ‘I can’t be comfortable with this so I don’t want it’ would choose to bend for your comfort.

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