Bridal Shower Yes or No?

posted 2 years ago in Destination Weddings
Post # 16
1195 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1995

I would find that extremely strange.  If I’m already traveling and spending money to come, I don’t want to attend a shower the day before, plus bring yet another gift.  


Post # 17
7989 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Personally I find it rude you’re having the rehearsal 2 days prior for a destination wedding, forcing everyone to spend MORE time and money for the wedding. I think you can skip a bridal shower to be considerate 🙄

Post # 18
925 posts
Busy bee

What about a super low key coed bach party for a couple hrs? Even this feels like a stretch. I’d only invite super close friends/family.

Post # 19
2971 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

I personally find bridal showers pretty distasteful in general, but having one literally the day before the wedding is just so much worse. Not just because the timing means adding more costs to an already expensive weekend for your guests, but because with everyone already likely to be at the location that date, it would make people feel very pressured to attend. 

I personally never attend bridal showers and only attend baby showers for firstborns of very, very, VERY close friends/family. But out of consideration for peoples’ feelings and understanding that not everyone feels the same way I do about showers, I don’t tell people I’m skipping their shower because I think showers are distasteful. I make up some bullshit about being busy that day or if it’s out of town, that I can’t make it that weekend, etc. But clearly people flying in to your wedding won’t have that option unless they literally go through the effort of ensuring that they actually do not fly in in time to make it or hole up in their room hoping not to be seen by anyone they know… And the people attending the rehearsal dinner will absolutely not be able to make the “not in town yet” excuse. 

Post # 20
282 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I would not attend a bridal shower since it implies the obligation to bring a gift. I have never attended one actually. I went to a lunch the day before the wedding once but I did not bring a gift. And I don’t remember if they called it a shower or not. I was already giving the bride a gift for the wedding. I didn’t feel the need to give 2 gifts.

Post # 21
3152 posts
Sugar bee

Don’t do a shower. But it would be fine to do a bridal luncheon or something like that. OR you could just plan to hang out with your bridesmaids the day before. Poolside, at a bar, in the hotel, whatever! One of my favorite memories from my friend’s wedding was hanging out in the hotel with her and the other bridesmaids the night before the wedding. It was just a time to relax and spend time together.

Post # 22
4890 posts
Honey bee

There’s no way I’m flying with a gift to a destination wedding because you want to have a shower, too.  And you’re going to fly with or ship gifts back?

Your guests are already paying for travel and multiple days of a hotel.  Don’t put added expectations and obligations on them besides.  Simply thank your bridesmaids for the offer and politely decline the shower.

Post # 23
285 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

I wouldn’t do that. I would just have a welcome party. With destination weddings, it kind of turns into a vacation, and you would be taking another day away from them. 

It’s so strange to me that California would be considered a place for a destination wedding. I live here, so I don’t understand why you would want to go somewhere and pay 3x more for a wedding, just my opinion. 

Post # 24
292 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2020

No to the shower.  It is super gift grabby after people have spent loads of money to get to your wedding and stay in the area and then inviting them to another gift giving event on top of that.  Just don’t do it.  Maybe your bridesmaids want to host some drinks and apps for anyone who happens to be in town if they are looking to hang out, but NO GIFTS!!

Post # 25
2398 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I think it’s nice to have a get together as people may be there anyways, but I would not call it a shower.


I think this one of the cases where a shower just doesn’t fit in with the logistics of the wedding.

Post # 26
4591 posts
Honey bee

It would be very gift grabby to have a second gift giving event the weekend of your destination wedding. Not to mention, a total pain in the ass for your guests to bring a wrapped gift (and super expensive for you to ship it all back home).

Usually, the couple hosts additional (non gift giving) events for their guests at a destination wedding. Are you having a welcome event or brunch?

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