- 5 years ago
- Wedding: February 2014
Really don’t know what to do. I am being a bridesmaid for a good friend from home in a few weeks, and she is being mine not long later. We are having a few problems and I’m not sure the best course of action. It’s worth mentioning that home is the UK and I live in the US. All my bridesmaids are in UK and we are having our wedding back home to accommodate everyone.
My friend is on a tight budget and bought our dresses in the sale. They did not have my size left so she bought a smaller one. When I went home a couple of months ago it was nowhere near fitting me, but she said “Don’t worry, you’re going to lose weight for your wedding aren’t you? If I can lose weight then you can do it. I’m not worried.” Well, she asked me a few weeks ago if I had lost enough weight and I had to admit that I’d been so busy with work that I’d not thought about it, and no I wasn’t going to fit into the dress. I had to buy another dress online (she wants us all wearing the same) and had to get another dress that is about 5 sizes too big for me (as they are in the sale and the line has been discontinued). I will need it altered, and tailor is not sure if it will be do-able. I am the only one who has not lost enough weight to get into my dress. I have body image issues regarding my weight and feel bad enough that I haven’t lost anything for my own wedding.
There are a few logistical problems with getting my dress altered in time because of limited time I have back in the UK (we are flying back specifically for this wedding), and I’m trying to organise it from here. To be honest I am resenting having to faff about with this when I’ve got loads of things to sort for my own wedding when I get back home that I am a little stressed about. I know that’s not fair to my friend. She is worried that my dress won’t be sorted. I suggested wearing my a different dress in same colour (another friend is concerned that hers is too tight so she could do the same), but she is adamant we all wear the same, so if I can’t get my dress to fit then I can’t be a bridesmaid.
I think her priorities are wrong. I am really upset by this, and it makes me want to drop out of being a bridesmaid now. I am not treating her like this. I know I shouldn’t compare as it’s “her day”, but I am having my bridesmaids choose their own dresses (we are paying for them), as I don’t care about everyone wearing the same and want people to feel happy and comfortable. She thinks I am doing this to be different, and that it is just as controlling as making everyone wear the same or not be in the wedding party. In fact, she chose the same dress as another bridesmaid of mine, I think out of spite – they don’t get along – and I had to tell her I didn’t want people wearing the same (I honestly don’t care but I didn’t want her to get angry with the other girl who didn’t want to wear the same and had chosen it first – she got angry with her anyway, and me). I was upset then she managed to make a fuss when I am trying to make things so easy for everyone, and wanted to avoid drama.
To be honest I am resentful about other things, as I am not home for long during the wedding and she is taking up a lot of evenings with wedding prep and dance rehearsals and so on. I know this is unfair as I should expect it for being in wedding party, and partly I am upset that she isn’t coming to my hen, which is a low-key and low-cost pub night. This is maybe not relevant to the issue. I think perhaps we are clashing because she wants everything tightly controlled and I am a bit more ‘whatever’ about everything, and she probably feels I am judging her by my standards, which I guess I am! I can’t understand her approach, it makes no sense to me.
Should I just suck it up and get on with it? I really feel this is petty and it is making me feel quite upset that my friend is treating me like this. I don’t want to feel resentful towards my friend but I am having a hard time seeing things from her point of view, I am probably just being selfish and thinking about my own wedding too much. I just can’t understand why she is willing to choose uniformity in wedding photographs over having her friend stand with her on the day. I wonder if I should just save the stress of rushing around to get dress sorted when my friend doesn’t care enough to have me as her bridesmaid if the dress isn’t right. I am worried that our friendship is being really damaged by this. She has already fallen out with one friend over weddings, and I don’t want that to happen to us.
Looking forward to hearing other people’s experiences on this 🙂