bride asking too much of guests? should someone tell her?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: should someone tell the bride she is crazy?
    yes- your guests are not a wallet : (110 votes)
    33 %
    no - even though its crazy its her day and she gets to do what she wants : (4 votes)
    1 %
    no - don't get involved in this mess and run far away from this wedding : (214 votes)
    64 %
    no - this isn't a big deal and you are over reacting : (7 votes)
    2 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    3081 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I honestly just wouldn’t go. It doesn’t sound like you are super close to her. I wouldn’t tell her that what she’s doing is unreasonable, it seems like she’s going to do it anyway. I would just send in my regrets that I was unable to attend, and maybe send a small gift. 

    You’re not over-reacting. What she’s doing is uncool, but I wouldn’t get involved in trying to make her see that. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    691 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Just don’t go to anything.  That’s nutty.

    Post # 5
    Member
    960 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    @kate02121:  +1

    (and I love your icon!)

    Post # 6
    Member
    979 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @kate02121:  agreed!  I just wouldn’t go.  The bride will figure it out herself how unreasonable she’s being when no one shows up.

    Post # 7
    Member
    11272 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2012

    @littlemisshostess:   there is no way that i would pay $250 each of my hard earned money to sleep in a rustic cabin with 8 people.  that sounds outrageous.

    if she doesn’t want you to eat or drink b/c you are not “paying”, then simply don’t go.  this is really not acceptable.

    i am curious to know if anyone has told her how rude this is.

    Post # 8
    Member
    989 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Ugh.  Just say no.

    Post # 9
    Member
    2685 posts
    Sugar bee

    I’m getting a little bit of deja vu with the thread the other week about guests paying a $100 cover charge at the reception.  This is kind of similar – the bride expects people to pony up the money to be a part of her wedding weekend.  The idea of a camping weekend is really cool and I’m sure the guests will enjoy it, but she is unreasonable to expect that all 400 guests will be on board with this decision.  It’s hard enough to get 400 people together for a few hours at a traditional reception.  I also wonder if she’s factored in any older, disabled, or just non-outdoorsy guests who may not be suited for camping.  My guest list is 80 people and there are several guests who I know wouldn’t be able to participate.

     

    $250 per person is a lot of money for bare-bones lodging and I seriously doubt you’re the only guests who have raised an eyebrow at this.  I can see why she may need more money for food and activities for the guests, but that’s something she should have budgeted for before deciding to do a wedding weekend.  I personally wouldn’t go, and I don’t think you’re overreacting at all.  The bride wants the camping weekend and if guests want to participate, then more power to them, but she should also be prepared for the consequences of some guests wanting to use other lodging options.

    Post # 10
    Member
    1293 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2018

    @littlemisshostess:  Like you said, it’s her day and her problem. She is not a close/good friend of yours, so who cares what she does? Having said that, I just wouldn’t go. Not worth the cost, inconvenience, or annoyances for someone you aren’t even very close to (I wouldn’t sleep there even for a good friend – you can find me at the Hilton, thanks).

    It’s her wedding and she can do what she wants, but that doesn’t mean others have to like it or participate. When people decline, she will either realize she’s crazy or just think everyone else is (more likely option). I completely agree with you that this is nuts and I would absolutely pass.

    Post # 12
    Member
    2610 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014 - Madison, WI

    I would just decline the invite and do nothing more. Just “$250” not really, add in your cost of maybe buying a new dress to wear, whatever other incidental travel expenses you have to get there from the city, as well as a wedding gift. It could end up in total costing you a lot more than “just $250”. The only time I have ever spent that much to go to a wedding was when I was IN the wedding as part of the bridal party!

    Post # 13
    Member
    944 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2013

    Personally, I wouldn’t attend. She’s ruining her own wedding by being unreasonable. $250 is a lot of money for most people these days, and that’s not including travel costs.

    Post # 14
    Member
    121 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @littlemisshostess:  $250/person for camping with 8 people in a cabin unreal!!  I think it’s crazy that she expects people will be completely fine with paying that to “rough it”, but I think the even crazier part is that she accuses people of “ruining her wedding” over looking into other lodging options.  You cannot be that controlling over your guests.  Personally, when attending a wedding I think your two responsibilities are to show up with a smile on your face and bring a gift.  Nowhere in there should be forced to stay at XYZ lodging, and not be allowed to look into other options, especially when said lodging is extremely overpriced.  Plus, as others have said, it’s not “just” $250.  You have to factor in all of the travelling expenses, gift, new dress and/or shoes, etc.  I would politely decline, and hopefully she sees in hindsight how crazy and unrealistic she was.

    Post # 15
    Member
    405 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    Stand your ground and tell her you intended to stay in a hotel. If she says that you stating in a hotel means you cannot come to the wedding, then so be it. It sucks that this friendship will probably die, but honestly it can’t be that great of a friendship if she will end it over you not staying in an overpriced communal cabin for her wedding weekend. 

    Post # 16
    Member
    3697 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I just wouldn’t go, that’s insane.

    $250 * 400 people = $100,000

    400 people / 8 to a cabin * $200 per cabin = $10,000 for the cabins

    That leaves $90,000 for the wedding and reception.

    Maybe I would go – should be one HELL OF A PARTY!

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