Post # 1
My friend is getting married and just went to pick out her dress this past weekend. While she was there she also picked out her bridesmaid dresses, including mine. That’s great and I’m honored to be in her wedding. The only problems are the dress she picked out is way out of my budget with the low paying job I have, and she never even asked me to be a bridesmaid before all of this. She just assumed I would be in it and be able to afford everything she chose. :/ I’m really torn here, wanting so much to be there for her but I can’t afford the dress on it’s own and it’s David’s Bridal and I’ve heard horror stories about them always ordering the dress a size too big so you HAVE to get it altered. If I can’t even pay for the dress how am I supposed to pay for it and having it altered. 🙁
Sadly, the dress she picked out unless it’s so tight it cuts off circulation, won’t stay on me. It’s strapless and I have tried so often to wear straples shirts and dresses but never can. (I don’t have a large bust at all to help with holding it up lol) And the bride says no added straps. :/ The only time I’ve ever successfully worn a strapless dress was when trying on my mothers wedding dress, only reason it stayed up was because of the boning in it holding it to my body. I also won’t be able to wear a bra with this dress, I have never found one that is in my small size and will not slide down and try to make it to my waist.
I just have no idea what to do or to tell her. 🙁 I want so much to make her wedding day exactly as she wants with everyone she wants but without her asking me if I can and will be in her wedding before it makes this really difficult and stressful. I wish she hadn’t just assumed I would be in it and been able to wear and afford this dress. I always thought you should ask everyone you wanted in your bridal party very first, then go out with a few or all to pick our the brides dress and then all of them to pick out the bridesmaid dresses together so everyone gets a dress they all like in the color the bride picks! :/
Post # 3
@LittleAngel: That is a tough situation, but I think you need to sit down and have a conversation with her. Tell her that you are honoured she wants you to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man, but she would have hoped she would have asked you because you don’t know if you can fulfill that role. Let her know that you really don’t have the finances to participate in a wedding right now (I see she wants you to buy the dress, but what about hair, makeup, shoes, accessories? Will you need to buy those as well?). If she offers to pay for you, tell her you would love to be part of the wedding, but you aren’t able to wear a strapless dress. (I TOTALLY GET THAT!!). Maybe altering it to add “invisible” straps like bra straps, or one strap across a shoulder would be enough to hold it up and still appease her.
Post # 4
Don’t make this an etiquette issue. Do not say anything to her about how she should have asked you first (which she should have, but it’s not a big deal). Just tell her that you simply cannot afford any extra expenses right now. Stress how honored you are that she wants you as a Bridesmaid or Best Man. Tell her you would love to participate in her wedding, but simply do not have the means to do so. Do not, at any point, appologize; just tell her you wish you had the funds but you don’t.
Frankly I find it much more rude for women to expect their BMs and Maid/Matron of Honor to pay for their own dresses, etc., than to assume they will be in the wedding. Maybe your friend will offer to pay (as she should), maybe that’s not an option for her (in which case she should be even more understanding of your situation).
Either way I am shocked that so many brides think it is ok to ask other people go buy dresses they select, for their wedding. When did this become acceptable?! The bride should always pay, or else let people choose what they want.
As for the strapless dress, would glue/tape work? I know it won’t be comfortable, but maybe you can stick the thing to you! Assuming she offers to pay, that is. Until then don’t worry about the dress.
Post # 5
I’m sorry you have to go through this – it should be an exciting day for both of you! Have you privately pulled her aside and told her that financially, that dress just doesn’t work for you? Maybe she’d offer to cover the dress for you, or at least a portion of it, so you aren’t in the hook for the whole thing.
As for the dress, I’d talk to the store at the time of ordering (with the bride there, of course), and ask what can be done to hold it up. The tape idea above is a good one, as are the invisible straps. Maybe the bride wouldn’t be opposed to making spaghetti straps for the dress, either (my sister did that with my dress when I was her Maid/Matron of Honor because I didn’t like the strapless and it made me uncomfortable).
Post # 6
Is this more about the dress or her not asking you? Have you just been going along with it when she mentions bridesmaid stuff or was the dress your first clue about being in the wedding? Since you say the dress cuts off circulation, I’m assuming you have tried it on already, did you have any convos with her then? I would just be straight up and tell her that you feel honoured to be included, however your budget on a dress was not considered and you cannot go over.
Post # 7
I’ll be getting together with her this Saturday for her engagement photos. I’m her photographer. But it won’t exactly be a private conversation since her fiance will be with her and I don’t think that would be a great time to tell her during her photo session. :/ Trying to get together with her after that is going to be difficult unless it’s part of her wedding planning. We’ve tried getting together for the past 2 months just to go out and see each other again but something always comes up on her side. Not really her fault though. I’ve told her when she txt me about the dresses and being a bridesmaid that I can’t afford that and can not wear a strapless. I asked about getting straps attached and she said no :/ maybe if I suggest clear that will work if I do find a way to scroung up the money for the dress + alterations. As far as accesories, shoes, hair and the such to go with it. She hasn’t mentioned any of this. I’ll have to ask and see.
I told her I would love to be part of it, and am honored that she wants me in her wedding but I’m unsure of my finances for all that comes with being a bridesmaid. Also, before this sudden txt with the dress information she had not contacted me at all about the wedding besides saying she is engaged and she wants me to do her engagement photos. She never mentioned having me as a bridesmaid, so there was no leading her on about being able to. I haven’t tried the dress on yet, I was just saying for it to stay up on me without straps it would need to be that tight. lol Strapless clothing hates my body.