Bride buying one of her bridesmaid dresses after wedding

posted 2 weeks ago in Etiquette
Post # 62
Member
1451 posts
Bumble bee

bunnkiwi7117 :  I think the only issue is that there is quite a good chance (whether it makes sense in your mind or not) that your friend/bridesmaid may end up feeling like 90% of the people who answered your question. If you are willing to risk that (you know your friend better) then by all means, do this. 

But honestly, people were just letting you know how they would feel if it was them. And that was the majority. And it was pretty clear. So it doesn’t really matter how you personally would feel about it. Try to guage how your bridesmaid /friend would feel. 

My opinion for what it’s worth? I would only feel like I was not being taking advantage of (again, regardless of your intention) if I was offered what I paid in the store (without alterations) Anything else would feel awkward though I would probably sell you the dress out of politeness and to at least get some of the money back. But you bet, me and all the other bridesmaids would be talking about it in a private chat.

Post # 63
Member
8657 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

i think the bottom line is, you know your friend.  is this something she would be offended by or would she be happy to sell it to you?

Post # 65
Member
9677 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

bunnkiwi7117  For any old dress that a friend already told you without prompting she’ll never wear again, it would be a different story.  But this not just any dress from any wedding. You are the one who asked her to buy THAT dress, for YOUR wedding. It’s a purchase she wouldn’t have had to make at all if it wasn’t for you. 

Brides in the US pick out a dress, in consultation with her bridesmaids, taking their budget and style into account. The only reason it’s OK to ask their party to purchase the dress in the first place, and for full retail price, no less, is because they will have it to supposedly wear again. 

But now, you’ve determined that the dress YOU told her to buy, and that she wouldn’t have had to spend a dime on if not for YOU, is now worth less than it was. Score for you! You want the advantage of having an essentially new dress, worn once for a “discount.” This is a dear friend, someone you put in the position to spend top dollar in the first place and you see it as a business deal. That’s petty and sad. 

Next, the truth comes out. You privately think she should just hand it over to you for free!

You’re still the bride making a request. It puts potential pressure on her to sell if she’d actually like to keep the dress or if she  thinks your proposed discount deal is tacky, but agrees to sell anyway.

If it’s a dress that was part of your wedding vision and it has meaning to you or you just like it and want it, go buy it yourself full price, just like you asked of her. 

Post # 67
Member
9677 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

bunnkiwi7117 :  I’m not trying to be snarky. I’m trying to show you how others may see this.

If it really had nothing to do with this situation, or your personal expectations why mention that you would give the dress for nothing in her place? I’m not saying I doubt you, just wondering why it’s relevant. 

Post # 68
Member
1451 posts
Bumble bee

bunnkiwi7117 :  Regardles of all of what we say: If you honestly believe your friend will not be offended, then just do what you think is right. Obviously you know your friend better than we and so I am not sure what the value of our opinions are on this topic anyway. Talk to her. Ask he her thoughts before making a price offer (“Friend, I fell in love with the dress and I can’t get it as an individual from the store. Can I buy it from you? How much would you want for it?”) I personally couldn’t be honest with such a request (I wouldn’t ask her to pay full price if it was because I am seriously too polite to a fault, though I would be kinda stumped if she didn’t offer. But that’s just me)  but you know your friends better. 

 

Post # 70
Member
216 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

It is rude – I would not do it.  Buy it yourself from the place you requested they bought it from.  I am pretty chill but it would seem unseemly to me:  “Hey you forked over $150 for this dress, now I want to low ball you and offer you $50.”

If you want to buy it from them, pay them what THEY paid.  

Post # 71
Member
1172 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

If it were me, and it was a dress I would never wear again, I would probably take the 50% offer because 1. it’s probably more than I could get selling it outright, and 2. then I wouldn’t have to deal with the hassle of trying to sell it outright. And I’d consider that a better deal than just giving it away or keeping it in a closet.

That said, would I be a bit taken aback if the bride offered to buy it for a 50% discount? Kind of. If she asked to buy it, I’d probably offer a price at a steep discount (understanding she’s going to have to pay to alter it), but I’d be a bit taken aback if her suggestion was to give herself a 50% discount.

 

I agree with the posters who suggest OP ask if her friend is interested in selling, and let the friend name her price. If OP’s friend suggests full retail, that’s a pretty good indication OP’s friend would be offended at being offered $100-$150 for it. My guess is though that Friend will offer a discount.

Post # 72
Member
520 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

So essentially you’re asking your friend to buy a dress to wear in your pictures, for your benefit, that you then get to buy off her for a discount? 

Yeah, personally I wouldn’t be cool with that

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