Post # 61
weddingmaven : No because that wasn’t my intention at all but that’s what you get with asking questions on these boards, others opinions, while I don’t see where some people come from with there remarks it is helpful. I’m going to go with the helpful pp that just say mentioning if they don’t want the dress I would be interested in buying it from them and how much would they want to sell it for. Again my thoughts if someone asked me for a dress I didn’t want would be to just give them it because it was most likely going to goodwill anyway.
Post # 62
bunnkiwi7117 : I think the only issue is that there is quite a good chance (whether it makes sense in your mind or not) that your friend/bridesmaid may end up feeling like 90% of the people who answered your question. If you are willing to risk that (you know your friend better) then by all means, do this.
But honestly, people were just letting you know how they would feel if it was them. And that was the majority. And it was pretty clear. So it doesn’t really matter how you personally would feel about it. Try to guage how your bridesmaid /friend would feel.
My opinion for what it’s worth? I would only feel like I was not being taking advantage of (again, regardless of your intention) if I was offered what I paid in the store (without alterations) Anything else would feel awkward though I would probably sell you the dress out of politeness and to at least get some of the money back. But you bet, me and all the other bridesmaids would be talking about it in a private chat.
Post # 63
i think the bottom line is, you know your friend. is this something she would be offended by or would she be happy to sell it to you?
Post # 64
ajillity81 : I believe she would be happy to sell it rather than have it hang in a closet.
Post # 65
bunnkiwi7117 For any old dress that a friend already told you without prompting she’ll never wear again, it would be a different story. But this not just any dress from any wedding. You are the one who asked her to buy THAT dress, for YOUR wedding. It’s a purchase she wouldn’t have had to make at all if it wasn’t for you.
Brides in the US pick out a dress, in consultation with her bridesmaids, taking their budget and style into account. The only reason it’s OK to ask their party to purchase the dress in the first place, and for full retail price, no less, is because they will have it to supposedly wear again.
But now, you’ve determined that the dress YOU told her to buy, and that she wouldn’t have had to spend a dime on if not for YOU, is now worth less than it was. Score for you! You want the advantage of having an essentially new dress, worn once for a “discount.” This is a dear friend, someone you put in the position to spend top dollar in the first place and you see it as a business deal. That’s petty and sad.
Next, the truth comes out. You privately think she should just hand it over to you for free!
You’re still the bride making a request. It puts potential pressure on her to sell if she’d actually like to keep the dress or if she thinks your proposed discount deal is tacky, but agrees to sell anyway.
If it’s a dress that was part of your wedding vision and it has meaning to you or you just like it and want it, go buy it yourself full price, just like you asked of her.
Post # 66
weddingmaven : when did I ever say to hand it over for free? I gave my own opinion if I was in the situation of someone asking me to buy a dress from me that I didn’t plan on keeping, I WOULD GIVE IT TO THEM FOR FREE. You assuming that I expect it for free is unfair and so far off. Then again your “advice” is usually snarky and condescending.
Post # 67
bunnkiwi7117 : I’m not trying to be snarky. I’m trying to show you how others may see this.
If it really had nothing to do with this situation, or your personal expectations why mention that you would give the dress for nothing in her place? I’m not saying I doubt you, just wondering why it’s relevant.
Post # 68
bunnkiwi7117 : Regardles of all of what we say: If you honestly believe your friend will not be offended, then just do what you think is right. Obviously you know your friend better than we and so I am not sure what the value of our opinions are on this topic anyway. Talk to her. Ask he her thoughts before making a price offer (“Friend, I fell in love with the dress and I can’t get it as an individual from the store. Can I buy it from you? How much would you want for it?”) I personally couldn’t be honest with such a request (I wouldn’t ask her to pay full price if it was because I am seriously too polite to a fault, though I would be kinda stumped if she didn’t offer. But that’s just me) but you know your friends better.
Post # 69
weddingmaven : I’m sure there is a possibility they might and there’s a possibility they won’t. As others have mentioned I know these girls so I feel like my opinion of their reaction is more realistic than some of these off the wall assumptions. IMO it would never cross my mind that a bride or any good friend for that matter would manipulate me into something. I appreciate everyone’s feed back snarky helpful harsh or not, I just don’t appreciate the assumptions and what if scenarios. I assumed if they weren’t going to do anything with their bridesmaid dress because I’m pretty sure 90% of bridesmaids never wear them again, what would be the harm in offering to buy it from them. If they plan to keep it fine there was never going to be a threat or gun held to their head saying they had to sell or give me the dress. Just a polite offer to compensate them for something that they would’ve had collected dust otherwise. I asked if half the price of the dress would be a sufficient offer to which I got my answer. I never asked what people thought of my idea or their opinions on it unless they were a bride who had done the same thing.
Post # 70
It is rude – I would not do it. Buy it yourself from the place you requested they bought it from. I am pretty chill but it would seem unseemly to me: “Hey you forked over $150 for this dress, now I want to low ball you and offer you $50.”
If you want to buy it from them, pay them what THEY paid.
Post # 71
If it were me, and it was a dress I would never wear again, I would probably take the 50% offer because 1. it’s probably more than I could get selling it outright, and 2. then I wouldn’t have to deal with the hassle of trying to sell it outright. And I’d consider that a better deal than just giving it away or keeping it in a closet.
That said, would I be a bit taken aback if the bride offered to buy it for a 50% discount? Kind of. If she asked to buy it, I’d probably offer a price at a steep discount (understanding she’s going to have to pay to alter it), but I’d be a bit taken aback if her suggestion was to give herself a 50% discount.
I agree with the posters who suggest OP ask if her friend is interested in selling, and let the friend name her price. If OP’s friend suggests full retail, that’s a pretty good indication OP’s friend would be offended at being offered $100-$150 for it. My guess is though that Friend will offer a discount.
Post # 72
So essentially you’re asking your friend to buy a dress to wear in your pictures, for your benefit, that you then get to buy off her for a discount?
Yeah, personally I wouldn’t be cool with that