Bride dictating specific hair style and nail color!?

posted 2 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 16
2855 posts
Sugar bee

I paid for hair and makeup and my girls were free to choose whatever style they wanted.  Same thing with nails.

The only thing I was specific about were their shoes being gold but I paid for that as well…in whatever style they wanted.

Post # 17
474 posts
Helper bee

Yes. The one wedding I was in we had a specific hairstyle, though we all got ready together in the bride’s room and we took turns doing each other’s hair. (It was nothing intricate but she did have a specific, uniform look that she wanted for all of us.) 

I don’t remember a nail or shoe color preference, I don’t even think I wore nail polish at all, but I believe it was understood that the shoes needed to go with the dress and if you were going to wear nail polish it needed to be neutral.

Post # 18
3281 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

I think it is ridiculously controlling. I wouldn’t agree to it unless the bride paid for it. Even then, who’s to say that I would look good in a style that may look good on another lady? I have really fine hair, and I had to work closely with my hairdresser to find a style that would work for my hair. Even though we picked a style that my hair would do for my wedding, I still needed a million bobby pins and a gallon of hairspray to get it to stay. 

Post # 19
309 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I had similar requests for my bridesmaids neutral nails and silver shoes (but any they wanted) but hair I requested up but I paid for them all to have it done by a professional same with the makeup.

Post # 20
1578 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

View original reply
beachykeenbee :  I arranged for my girls to have a specific hair style, but I also paid for the stylist.

I didn’t even think to dictate nail colour – that sounds over the top to me.  One of the girls had super cool chrome nails that I only remember because I was really impressed by them.  I can’t even remember what colours (if any) the other girls had.  

As far as I’m concerned, no pay, no say. 

I think it’s pretty standard to be specific on a shoe colour though, if it’s a fairly neutral colour and you aren’t specifying the exact type of shoe.  I requested nude, but they could wear whatever nude shoes they wanted so I didn’t pay for them since I think they are a pretty standard colour to have in your wardrobe.  One of the girls bought rose gold shoes instead, but the girls dresses were long anyway so it didn’t bother me. 


Post # 21
2250 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

I paid for my bridesmaids hair and makeup so therefore I dictated what it looked like. 

If she’s not paying, she has no say. 

Post # 22
3352 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

View original reply
beachykeenbee :  i asked my bridesmaids to wear their hair up, but they could choose the style. Professional services were optional, and at the expense of the bridesmaids (but they were all very capable of doing their own hair “up”). I treated them all to mani/pedis. They asked if there was a specific nail color and i just said nothing that’s super bright or dark. As for shoes – i told them they could wear whatever shoes they wanted as long as i couldn’t see them (they wore long dresses). 

Post # 23
3099 posts
Sugar bee

I would personally draw the line at a specific nail polish color or specific hairdo, as a bridesmaid, even if the bride paid for the hairstylist.  I hate the way it looks when the BMs all match 100% with the same jewelry, shoes, lipstick, and hairstyle.  Plus, as an adult who has been in charge of my own hair for a long time, I know what sort of styles look good on me and work with my hair and what styles do not.

Generalized requests, like “neutral nail polish” or “updo” or “soft curls of some sort” are reasonable, assuming they work with the bridesmaid’s hair.  

I also sometimes wonder when I see 100% identically styled bridesmaids if the bride specifically chose BMs based on physical appearance and ability to confirm to a specific style.  (Ie, if she wants them all to have elaborate updos, would she not ask someone to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man if they had bobbed hair.)

Post # 24
5171 posts
Bee Keeper

The neutral nail polish is fine, but she can’t order you to wear your hair in a specific style unless she’s paying for it, no ifs and or buts.

sunflowers121 Really you should have paid for your maids hair styling. I’m kind of appalled that you didn’t and that you don’t see anything wrong with sticking them with the bill for your vision.

Post # 25
7859 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Aside from feeling it’s rude to demand control over another adult’s hair style I agree with PP that it doesn’t look good–bridal party photos end up having a Stepford quality that I don’t care for. I find it much more beautiful and interesting when people look like who they are. It comes across in the photos when people don’t feel completely comfortable.

That said, if the bride is requiring a very specific hair style then she can pay for it.

Post # 26
156 posts
Blushing bee

All very fair requests! However, if hair needs to be done by a hairdresser, she really should have covered the cost or at least given you a choice. And as you can’t do that style yourself, it isn’t really much of a choice… Though I personally would vent here among the Bees and suck it up for the day. I doubt she means harm and I like the idea of doing what I can to make my loved one happy on their day!

Post # 27
257 posts
Helper bee

People are not props so no it’s not okay.  The wedding party will look great if the hair isn’t all the same style.  No one would look and be like you know what would make these photos better???? Identical crown braids!  People have a right to wear their hair how they want.  It doesn’t impact the look of the wedding and so I wouldn’t pay for it unless you wanted to

Post # 28
1188 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2018 - UK

Both my bridesmaid and the best woman asked me what I wanted them to do with their hair and I told them to have it however makes them feel more comfortable. I paid for them to have their nails done, but colour was their choice.

When I was a bridesmaid I could have my hair any way. My hair is mega thick, mega straight, and bobbed, it absolutely refuses to hold a curl or any other style. My best friend is well aware of this so she didn’t even attempt to control it!

Post # 29
225 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2021 - Hopetoun House, UK

I don’t think its uncommon for brides to decide hair and nails, I have been to a few weddings where the bride has requested a specific style, but I feel the bride should at least have the courtesy to pay for it, if they demand it.

I’m paying for my bridal party to have their hair, make up and nails done but I am letting them choose their own style as its important to me that they feel comfortable with their look for the day

Post # 30
350 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

This is tragically quite normal with some brides. However if she’s not paying it is tough. I would simply drop her a note to say you can’t afford to get your hair done on top of everything else – are there any other styles she would accept. 

I appreciate that some people find creating a certain look for their day very important but those people should be prepared to pay for it. It is her day, not yours…. 

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