Post # 31
If a bride made these requests of me, tbh I would be fine with it. The shoes need to match the dress after all so I don’t find a shoe request surprising, and it’s not much hassle to wear a particular colour nail polish. Even if I thought that the hairstyle looked bad on me, whilst I may express concern (eg ‘Bride – I’m worried that you want curls because they tend to fall out of my hair, but I’ll do my best if you’re sure’), it’s the bride and groom’s day so I would do what they asked.
At my own wedding I didn’t specify any nail or makeup colours (I didn’t care). I specified hair should be either down (preferred option) or half-up-half-down, and preferrably straight, but this is the default hairstyle both of my bridesmaids wear anyway so it was dead easy. I DID specify shoe colour (black). One bridesmaid ignored me and showed up on the day in a different colour, but tbh it didn’t matter at all – the dresses were mismatched anyway so mismatched shoes were no problem. If I did it again I’d just let the bridemaids decide what colour shoes to wear.
Having said all this – if I wanted the bridesmaids to wear a complex hairstyle that clearly needed a hairdresser, or very unusual colour shoes that they wouldn’t wear again (ie anything other than nude or black) then I’d have expected to pay for them.
Post # 32
Ive been a bridesmaid where I we were expected to have the same hair style (which I hated but that’s by the by now) but I’m in the U.K. where a bridesmaid isn’t expected to fork out a fortune to be a bridesmaid, so the bride paid for everything. That’s why I didn’t argue the naff hair style or the cream shoes that were ruined 5 mins into photos because I kept sinking in the mud
Post # 33
Yep. My friend gave us all the nail polish, told us to wear a specific colored shoe in any design we wanted, and wanted our hair up. She paid for those who couldn’t afford it and wanted it done at the salon. I didn’t have an issue with any of it.
Post # 34
i gave the option to my girls to have their hair and makeup professionally done, they could do anything they wanted and i paid for it too.
they were also able to wear any shoe and jewelry they wanted. i certainly didn’t want them to purchase something just for my wedding.
i also gave them each $100 towards their dresses, they all picked the same dress at $139. they covered the difference and alterations.
and i gave them a nonwedding realted gift on top of that.
these are my friends, why would i want them to feel uncomfortable,unsupportive, or like props for me.
Post # 35
For my 2 bridesmaids, I only chose dress/color. With shoes and nails, I said do whatever colors complement the dress. With hair, I was fine with whatever they wanted for a style (one did down, one had an updo). Even though I gave them choice, I covered the hair (and makeup) costs as a thank you.
I agree with PP that shoes and nails requests aren’t uncommon, but dictating a hairstyle and not even paying for it is unreasonable and the bride should either pay or be content with whatever hairstyle you do on your own.
Post # 36
Personally I think the whole, making bridesmaids pay for anything the bride wants them to wear in the wedding is rude. I will be paying for the dresses for them and anything else I want to control the day of. To me it is very rude and inconsiderate to ask a friend to buy anything that the bride wants them to wear on the day as it’s the bride who wants a certain look. Especially when guests are having to already pay for hotel and flights etc. to attend.
I would only want my bridesmaids to arrange a low key and inexpensive Bach party that’s it. Because when my girlfriends and I have a birthday we take them out to dinner on us. Asking them to do the same for a celebratory Bach night is not much different.
i liked the commenter who at least paid 100 towards the dresses. I also agree 100% on the, no pay- no say concept.
I say you practice a bit, watch some youtube videos and do what you can on the day with your hair. If you are close enough to the bride and think she won’t blow up at you over it, you could tell her you can’t afford to pay for hair so you will do the best you can ok that style and see what she says.
Post # 37
Every wedding I’ve been in, the bride has indicated light/nude nails and what color shoes we were to wear. I’ve never had to stick with a specific hairstyle, but I don’t think it’s that crazy that I bride would. I would expect her to pay for the stylist, if that’s the case.
Post # 38
I’ve been a bridesmaid many times and I am getting married next week so hopefully I can shed some light. I think it totally has to do with the bride and the vision she has for the wedding. I think shoes are always a designated color just because of pictures (especially if it’s a short bridesmaid dress) I’ve never been told I needed to have my hair in a specific style but I have been asked to have up-dos. Nails, personally I like being told what color the bride wants because you don’t want to get something that’s going to clash. I tried to be really easy going with my girls because life is tough and busy and no one has time to stress. They can wear their hair however they want. They don’t all have to match nail colors I gave them the color schemes of the wedding and said if they didn’t want to do neutral colors they could play around with the colors of the wedding and I just asked they get silver shoes. Every bride is different. Every wedding is different.
Post # 39
The nail colour is not that big a deal I don’t think.
The specific complicated hair style is. If she wants something specific, she needs to pay.
I didn’t give my bridesmaids a choice about professional hair and makeup, I booked it and paid for it, then told them to pick a hair style they wanted. However, I also knew that none of the three of them were particularly great at hair and makeup so they would have been relieved… And were relieved… To not have to stress about it.
If I’d known any of them were particular about who does their hair or what makeup they wear, I would have consulted them before booking it.
Post # 40
- Wedding: August 2019 - City, State
Just wanna echo what a bunch ofother bee’s have said. Shoes and nails are one thing, for just neutral colors, especially for in pictures.
But I agree the hair is too much. If she wants something complicated or very specific that a professional should do, she should pay for the hair. I would definitely tell her you’re going to do it yourself and hope it looks as good as she wants. That might prompt her to offer to cover the cost.
Post # 41
I’ve only been given shoe color instructions if the dress was short and they would be seen, but never a specific style beyond “hey we’ll be on grass so you probably want wedges instead of stilletos” suggestions. Long gowns we could do whatever we wanted since they weren’t showing anyways. Although I have one friend who made her bridesmaids pick a precise pair of shoes and all of the girls were dying at the reception because they were super uncomfortable.
I guess nail color isn’t a huge deal, but I would never even think to worry about that lol.
The hair is ridiculous – can all the girls even pull off that style? I had a side braid for one wedding and it looked super dumb, my hair isn’t thick enough.
Post # 42
That’s another thing that’s kind of annoying me. I don’t have enough hair for this hairstyle! One of the other bridesmaids has thinnish hair too. I already know I’m going to feel so ugly in this hairstyle and I really don’t want to shell out like 80 dollars for it. I JUST chopped my hair around shoulder length so I’m like WHYY GOD do you insist on this style for everyone. God forbid someone has bangs too!
Post # 43
I would suggest another hairstyle that’s (1) easier to do yourselves and (2) actually would look good on everyone. That way she gets the uniformity she is after but you don’t all feel ugly. If you’re a bridesmaid surely you’re close enough to say “Karen you know that will look like garbage on me right?!”
Post # 44
My sister dictated a shoe color (red) but let people pick style and asked that nails be either neutral, french, or in one of the wedding colors (red or silver). She also did ask that bridesmaids wear a red lip of some kind but provided lots of lip color options and paid for them. She requested that the girls have their hair professionally done in something that involved curls but managed all the appointments for them. Not sure if she paid. I felt like I had a good bit of control over my look (I wore red nails and a side swept curly updo with red t strap pumps, another bridesmaid wore red high heeled sandals and her hair down in big loose waves with nude nails, etc)
Post # 45
I have been in weddings where the bride has asked for our hair to be worn a certain way, in a half up half down style, but not so specifically that every bridesmaids were exactly the same. Ive never asked that I wear a specific nail color but i dont think its unheard of.